I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old and their Dad left us last week...I am hurting and They are confused..how can i make things easier for them..how can I help them to understand..
2006-09-19 15:55:52 · 26 answers · asked by *bossy* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately u really cant, u can sugar coat it alittle to make them feel alittle better.. but other then that it will be very hard for them to understand anything at this age, FORTUNATELY though they are young, and out of sight , out of mind.. so they actually will suffer less at this age then if they were older.. so it does have its good sides... just keep telling them over and over how much u and their daddy love them.. kids want to feel safe, secure and loved.. my kids were a year older, they were 2 and 3.. my 2 year old had zero problem adapting to this.. unfortunately my 3 yr old.. remembered mommy and daddy as a married couple and was close to his daddy and unfortunately his dad let him down several times even after the seperation and continues to do so today.. MY ADVICE TO YOU.. always protect them at all costs.. never tell them when dad's comming over, because if u tell them and they get excited and then their dad doesnt show.. its heartbreaking.. so if he's coming to get them for the weekend or for the night whatever, pack up their bag, get them ready but dont let them know he's comming till he's there, i cant tell you how many times my x husband would say he was comming to get them , they'd be waiting at the door, then he'd call and say he decided he didnt want to show and they would be crushed again.. but just shower them in love, and let them know everything is going to be ok.. and they will be fine, i know this time is hard for you as well so draw strength from them to have the courage to keep going.. Good luck, it does get better i promise..
2006-09-19 16:13:00 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my first husband and I divorced my oldest was 3 and my youngest was 11 months.
Keep their life as normal as possible!!!!! Don't change their schedule around. They are going to need stability more than ever right now. And so are you. If your ex wants to see the boys, let him see them. Don't ever keep the children away from their dad (unless they are in a dangerous situation). Keep them involved with grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.
At 1 and 2 years old, they are not going to understand. If they ask where daddy is, tell them daddy's is away. They understand away. They will not understand daddy's gone and not coming back. If you feel the need to break down and sob, try doing it away from them. (Easier said than done I know). But all they are going to see is mommy crying and upset. They are not going to understand why. And if daddy is away, that leaves them and then they may start to think they have done something.
Then finally, enroll yourself in a divorce care program. Support systems are always a HUGE help when going through this kind of situation. Whether it be friends, family, or people going through similar issues. You are going to need to vent at some point, and will need someone to vent to.
Good luck!!!!
2006-09-19 16:03:18 · answer #2 · answered by ktjokt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how confused a 1 year old can be in this scenario but the two year old might understand a little bit. Keep your explanation simple, like, "mommy and daddy aren't happy with each other right now" or something like that. Be sure to instill in your boys that mommy and daddy both love them very much. With any luck daddy will be back around to tell them the same thing.
2006-09-19 16:01:49 · answer #3 · answered by testrun66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 2 yr old will be the one that will notice the most. the youngest on the other hand will be over it in about 3 - 6 weeks. Just keep their routine as normal as possible to help them through this tough period. Don't let on that you're over upset as much as you are since this is also an adult issue between you and your husband.
The more normal you make it for your boys the better it will be for all of you for now.
Take Care & Good Luck.
2006-09-19 16:01:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with yourself, you can't answer a question that you don't know the answer to! I feel your pain and I know it hurts unbelievably bad, but try not to make something work that's just going to keep you down. Don't tell your kids that their dad's coming back, just say that you don't know when daddy's going to be back, but until then...we can have fun together...we're going to visit grandma...we're going to see so-and-so...whatever the situation may be. If you are okay and feel like you can handle the situation, then good for you...until your ex calls for the kids or if he even calls at all, keep your cool and I know it's hard to think about but try taking small steps to move on. For instance, get a babysitter and go to church or a community meeting or maybe even join a chat room? Either way it's very important that your kids see you healthy and happy- THAT'S YOUR ANSWER : Your kids will feel whatever you feel and I hope it's nothing short of happiness:)
2006-09-19 16:53:41 · answer #5 · answered by josiedickelman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think at 2 you can explain to them saying that Daddy and mommy don't get along so he does not live here anymore and that he will be seeing them on weekends or whatever.. But the good thing is at this age it's better cause they would do better with divorce or separation since they are still young. they will be fine. kids at that age are so resilient! The only thing I'd say is you might have more stress and you may let your kids get away with things. please don't do that or they will be monsters. you need to be a strong, consistent and disciplinarian and it's very important that you do that.
2006-09-19 16:00:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are both to young to understand, just tell them the true in a round about way. Like this: Daddy went away for a long time. He will be back but you don't know when.
2006-09-19 16:27:19 · answer #7 · answered by tm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pull in all the support you can from your friends and family. I know you'll probably want to be alone to greive but you need people around you right now. Especially to help with the kids. To help them, keep things normal as possible. If they ask questions, keep them as simple as possible, and change the subject. There will be plenty of time later to explain things. Stay strong! There's millions of single mom's out here, if we can do it, so can you!!
2006-09-19 16:11:39 · answer #8 · answered by fatcat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time heals all. Its wonderful to hear you are concerned for your children and how they are feeling, and having to go thru this upsetness yourself and get thru it. Just love them, and help them to understand that no matter what happens between you and their father, that you both still love them. I don't think anyone can understand how a husband and father can just walk away. Wifes and mothers are like mother bears, anyone come near our cubs and we'll rip them apart. I guess thats why God made women the mothers! Good luck to you and I wish you the best of luck.
2006-09-19 16:12:58 · answer #9 · answered by Paulda37 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children are too young to be told anything they'll understand. Of course you're hurting but that will pass. Children are very resilient and they will be fine a lot sooner than you will. Just take good care of them and love them. Time will heal you. Don't do anything without taking a lot of time to think it over.
2006-09-19 15:59:50 · answer #10 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋