THE SMOKE
Burning on the pyre of desires
Melting in the fire of love
Like a flower she unfurls
Unbridles her fragrance
And fades away
Composed by Rishikaysh Patanckar
© 2006 Rishikaysh Patanckar. The Smoke, Poem.
Please click on my name and comment on my other poems as well. Thanks
2006-09-19 15:37:49 · 7 answers · asked by ricci 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
You have a gift, you are an artist with words. I have read several of your masterpieces, please, keep writing for us to enjoy. thanks
2006-09-19 15:52:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice language, but what is the metaphor? Perhaps I'm too alert to get it right off. And no, I don't mean the obvious one about the flower.
2006-09-23 01:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She fades away
Oh! What a waste
Something so pretty
It's such a pity
That she's not everlasting
For all to appreciate
:-)
2006-09-20 00:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by TK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's nice...i'm likeing the first 4 lines. maybe consider changing the last one. but i think it's good!
2006-09-19 22:45:53 · answer #4 · answered by Katie D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are trying too hard to sound sophisticated and artsy.
2006-09-19 22:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by 6th Finger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wrong site.
2006-09-19 22:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was good.
2006-09-19 22:55:46 · answer #7 · answered by tootles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋