A STAR SHIMMERS IN THE LAKE
Soaking up the glow
From the setting sun
Dancing with the breeze
From dusk till dawn
In my dreamland
She shines and glitters
Glows like a little fairy
In my closed teary eyes
Composed by Rishikaysh Patanckar
© 2006 Rishikaysh Patanckar. A Star Shimmers in the Lake, Poem
Ps: Please click on my name and read the previous poems.
2006-09-19 15:29:45 · 6 answers · asked by ricci 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
it was nice and you should keep on writing.
2006-09-19 15:38:29 · answer #1 · answered by mysticideas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Through closed teary eyes
Yet I see her glitter and shine
Oh, what a sight!
There she is!
Dancing with glee
Through the mist
Only in my dreamland
She appears
I asked, when can she be real?
;-)
2006-09-19 22:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by TK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel it could really a little more.
You could use a little more dramatics in the lines.
Right now, its kind of low on emotion.
2006-09-20 08:53:41 · answer #3 · answered by Saffren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it evokes beauty and sadness possibly for a dream unattainable or for a dream ending
thank you for sharing
2006-09-19 22:40:56 · answer #4 · answered by tgee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are very talented......my fav is
BIRTH OF MY ESSENCE
I loved it....I can see hear and feel what your poem speak...
wow Ty for the chance to in rich my soul.
2006-09-19 22:42:24 · answer #5 · answered by Marg N 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too easy and short
2006-09-19 22:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋