when your spouse is having an affair and tells you it is over, how do you heal your heart when you still love?

Question

I have loved him with all my heart and soul for 23yrs, we did not start seeing each other until much later and i messed that one up being stupid. we finally got reunited about 11yrs ago. ever image of my future included him. we had allot of unresolved issues and he did not want to seek help from outside, I would have jumped into hot wax, anything the bring the closeness back and bridge between us. We separated on june 2,06 and he started seeing her on july 13. i found out july21 our daughters 8th b-day.this female, the only name i am allowed to use on here, has a reputation and has a well known MO. she targets older men who are married and have some money. she approaches them, con't to accidently bump into them, talks, smiles laughs at anything, then she moves in for the kill. HOOKED! she invites them over for a home cooked meal, more praises and admiration, agreeing with whatever, even if it is the moon is made of cheese. after a few outings, because she needs to be see out in public

Answer 1

All the things she offered your husband he accepted. Your husband was never force by this woman, so your husband is the ONLY person you can be upset with. You and your husband made a vow, not you and the young lady. Why is your husband going else where to get a home cook meal? I would NOT allow him back in my bedroom until an AIDS and an STD test is clear which takes about six months. There is no reason for you to act foolish and sleep with him before then these test are cleared. You stated you guys have a young child and your child needs to have one healthy person in her life which is you.
ALWAYS be kind to your husband in the present of your child because there is no need reason for your child heart to be broken. Bring up the affair over and over again will just get him angry and will just upset you. The only way to fix this is for you to change and maybe do the things the young lady did such as: talk to him, laugh at his jokes, cook a home made meal four times a week and I him how much you admire him. In the six months take bath together while drinking a glass of wine, go on dates, hold hands, walk around the mall holding hands (spend a lot of you and him time) etc.

Answer 2

It's going to take time for u to heal. U have been with him for 23 yrs and u can't just turn off your feelings for him like a faucet. U will just have to go thru the grieving process, just as u would during the death of a loved one.

Remember that it was your husband who CHOSE to go for this woman. She fed him the right lines and he unfortunately, fell for it. Nothing u say or do will convince him otherwise. He will just have to find out for himself the hard way and hopefully, sooner than later. The only thing u can do is to let him be because if u try and intervene, chances are he will only end up resenting u more. I'm sorry for your loss but u will just have to move on the best that u can.

Answer 3

i have a feeling that u broke up with him and he is trying to take revenge. he is using some one he knows will drive u up the wall. hey u have loved him so long married and have a child u know him better than any one else.
dont let this woman be another anna nicole smith!
u have to tell him u just want to be with him no matter what happened, forgive and forget.
give him all he has ever wanted in a wife, for now atleast until u have each other than live normally,

Answer 4

It hurts. As time passes by, I learned that if you continue to dwell in the past, you will not be able to move on. So, I decided to go abroad, and all I do is work work & work. And finally committed my life to the Lord.and enjoyed having fellowhip with christian friends, going to church and having bible studies. A great lesson to learn that TIME DOES NOT HEAL BROKEN MY HEART, but it is the TIME I MET THE REAL HEART MENDER, my JESUS did it. HE did it for me, most certainly HE can do it for you .

Answer 5

Sounds like your hubby is a really naive dope.... He is falling for a gold-digger's stunts. Some men are so insecure about themselves they fall for that crap.
If your husband doesn't want marriage counseling & isn't willing to try, you can't make him.
Right now, you have to watch out for yourself & your child. Keep your focus there. It is painful now, but you will come out stronger in the end.

Answer 6

Dope. It is NOT the other woman's fault. He is a male-$lut, it is over, forget it.
Sorry....tough love.

Answer 7

Either move on with your life, or don't.