How do I break through the brick wall she has put up. She hates life and has no hope. I don't know the best way to help her get through this because she considers me as part of the problem. I really worry about her.
2006-09-19 14:40:06 · 16 answers · asked by RedC. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been married almost 10 years. She is seeing a counselour but it doesn't seem to help. She is just down about her life.
2006-09-19 14:44:31 · update #1
She is also on medication for depression. Sorry I left that out.
2006-09-19 14:58:03 · update #2
Just keep on supporting her. Let her know no matter the issue, you are there for her. Offer to go to the doctor with her if she needs it. Keep a close eye on her; watch for warning signs like changes in her eating and sleeping habits. If you think or know it's clinical depression, call your family physician right away. It means a lot that you are recognizing her issue and not putting her down for having a hard time. Listen without judgement, and hopefully she will open up. Best of luck to you.
2006-09-19 14:45:52 · answer #1 · answered by Pieandchips 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't get offended, but from someone who has been there...If she is saying that you are "part" of the problem, you probably a very huge part. I went through the same thing. You just get into this place. It's one thing after another until it is all mushed together and consumes you. She needs you. Go to her. Truly listen and truly change for her benefit and yours.
Maybe her deal is the same as mine was or maybe it wasn't, but hope it helps. I was a stay at home mom for a while. I worked on and off. I had a house, a car, a husband, kids, friends, family. Who cares? It wasn't that I was being ungrateful or unappreciative. I felt lonely. That is the bottom line. Truly, deeply lonely. What was missing? I needed that true soul level connection with my husband. I wanted to be TRULY loved, listened to, respected, valued, needed, appreciated and have a real companion. He'd try but it was all fake. It wasn't real to me. You can tell, ya know. And to top it off, I wasn't getting out much and I really had nothing else in my life to sustain my self-esteem except my husband. Trifling as it may be, that was it and it took me years to figure it out. YEARS!
So, here is my best advice, have her see a counselor first of all; do what I said above about listening to her, sincerity, etc. and also encourage her to do something to better herself (IE: take some classes, volunteer some place; find a new hobby). Give her some time to herself. Watch the kids while she visits friends or just takes a long bath. Pamper her sometimes (backrubs are great). Make her feel special and make her make herself feel special, too!
OMG sorry this was so long!!!
Good luck and best wishes to you both!
2006-09-19 21:56:02 · answer #2 · answered by Encyclopedia Allie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has suggested the options to you. Has she considered anti-depressants?? as well as continued counseling? If she is not a drinker, they work quite well, if her depression is indeed depression and not some other mental disorder like bipolar. Is/are her parents or others in her family this way??? She may have inherited a gene for depression. Sometimes one med will work for awhile, then stop, and her doc may have to tweek the script, or add something or make a cocktail of it/them. Sometimes it just becomes hopeless, and they never do see what is going on, and everyone else is the problem. They almost have to learn to think in a logical manner -- it doesn't come easily.... But the drugs were better than nothing..(Oh yeah, and forget the pray crap..... god helps those who help themselves... sorry, I'm not religious......)
2006-09-19 22:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you any idea that depression is a mental disease? She might need the help of a psychiatrist. Other than that, you have to make a self-evaluation, oftentimes the wifes sees herself as being ignored and taken for granted. So if you said that you are part of the problem, perhaps its time for you to make some changes in areas where you know your wife resented and disapproved of you doing it.
2006-09-19 21:51:40 · answer #4 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She really needs to change doctors and medication. If she received medication that was right for her, she would feel a lot better. Not all of them work for everyone. You have to experiment to find the right one. Some of them can bring on more depression rather than less.
2006-09-20 00:42:14 · answer #5 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. The best thing that you can do for your wife is pray for her. She needs love and support. It is impossible to understand what someone is going through because we all react differently to situations. God has made us not to fear, worry, etc. Your wife has a spirit of Heaviness. That is called a strong man because depression falls under it. So I will stand in agreement with you to rebuke that spirit of Heaviness in the name of Jesus. That no weapon formed against the both of you will prosper. Read Isaiah 61:3 God bless you both.
2006-09-19 21:53:09 · answer #6 · answered by Selah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she considers you part of the problem, you could start by asking her what she would like for you to do or change. If it is depression, she needs help. Sometimes it's a hormonal imbalance that only a doctor could help her with.
2006-09-19 21:42:45 · answer #7 · answered by Mommy2Liam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is this application that allows for brain-wave manipulation. You could use one of the presets, blast it in the house, and try to make her brain produce more seratonin. Once that happens you might to be able to break the brick wall long enough to get through to her.
http://www.bwgen.com
2006-09-19 21:43:37 · answer #8 · answered by John 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let her know that you are there to listen if she needs it or even suggest that she talk to someone a friend or something. Other than that there is not too much you can do. Hopefully a little time will help!
2006-09-19 21:47:34 · answer #9 · answered by JewelsH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why hasn't she been put on an antidepressant? There is nothing wrong with using them if you need them. Counseling is good, but she needs to be in the right frame of mind to act on the suggestions.
2006-09-19 21:47:28 · answer #10 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋