Would this get on your nerves? Or would you just blow it off?

Question

My cousin has a 3 1/2 month old baby girl. She finds it necessary to call, and e-mail me all the time asking in-depth queries about what my baby girl (9 months) was doing at this age, what she was eating, what milestones she had reached...you get the point.

Anyways, she is on this ultra paranoid guilt/ego trip about breast milk, and/or lack of. She decided not to pump at work often as she should, so she lost a bit of her supply. Now her baby is on like 30:70 ratio of breastmilk to formula. She says her baby is doing all these remarkable things I'm sure very few 3 month olds in history have attempted (trying to walk, talking, and sitting alone to name a few) and her milk was the reason. She criticizes me for quitting pumping for my girl at 5 months, and always says her baby will be smarter and "better" than mine. This is said jokingly, but often, so she means it in some degree. She also calls my baby "lard @ss", and "fatty taffy". She's 9 months, very tall, and only 25 lbs.

Answer 1

Tell her to shut the hell up.... tell her you want to see this little 3 month old that talking and walking! This bs about breastfeeding being smarter makes me want to vomit!

Answer 2

I agree with mopst of these answers. Take some time to think of some good answers. Remember "I" messages? Try:
I am surprised that you would say something so rude, please refrain from negative comments about my child.
or
It makes me angry when you call my child names.If you cannot talk about my child politely, let's not talk at all.

Be prepared for an argument, denial, or pleas that it won't happen again. Stand firm. This is a form of verbal abuse, a type of domestic violence. Verbally draw a line in the sand and stick to it. If she repeats this on the phone, give an I message and immediately hang up. If she sends an e-mail, respond once with I message then BLOCK any further messages. If she does it at a restaurant, get up and walk out. If she does it in front of others, look at her in astonishment and ask her," Why in the world would you say such a thing?" add an I message if you can control your temper. Then get up and leave the room. Do not get drawn into an argument or discussion with her. Stay polite and take the high road, but don't become her doormat. Do NOT call her child any names. Do not say anything negative about her child, even if it turns out that the little girl looks like a turnip and is not the sharpest crayon in the box. Remember, it is not her child's fault that she has an obnoxious, competitive mother. Others will notice how gracious you are and what a jerk your cousin is. Hang in there and enjoy your daughter.

Answer 3

She is such a pest. She has no business calling your child names. It sounds like she isn't used to having anything either. Everyone should cherish their child. But she is taking it to a whole different level. She should not be trying to make you feel less than the mother you are for any reason. My son was doing more than the few things you mentioned about her child when he was that age. He is now 9 months old and walking, he will be 10 months on the 24th and I stopped breastfeeding him full time a 31/2 months. You should tell her that every baby is different but they are all gifts from God and he didn't make one more special than another. If she still does not change then evidently she doesn't care.

Answer 4

First off I wouldn't be to nice to her. She is a wack job if she thinks her baby was trying to walk at 3 months, but as for talking my son was very good at saying things,small stuff that he would hear. So I don't dout her on that one but she does sound like she is making some stuff up because she feels like her baby is better. I have a cousin who's child is only a month younger than mine and she did the same thing.
And I'll be damn if anyone would ever call my child lard a$$.You must really like her to put up with it.
As for stop pumping, I stopped when my son was 3 months and nothing is wrong with that.

Answer 5

This is an issue I wouldn't blow off. I would stand up for yourself and your child. What is going to happen in 2 years? Will she still be making this insensitive remarks in front of the kids? Also, this is your child she is criticizing. You have every right to tell her just how you feel about the situation. I would also be blunt and explain to her how you don't see how its possible for her baby to be doing all the things she says the babies doing. Considering babies muscles and motorskills aren't even developed enough to where that would be possible. I would just call her on all the nonsense. After doing that a time or two it should stop.

Answer 6

Is this person th reason why you have such a beef with breastfeeders? I can see why.
Yes, it would get on my nerves but I would also understand that this is how she feels about her own insecurities. It seems that she really wanted to see breastfeeding through and cannot and now she is letting it make her feel guilty. Explain to her that you made your decision based on what is best for you and not to dump her dump her insecurities your way. Ignore the exaggerations and ask her to please stop insulting your child - that is so rude. And support her because when she weans her it will be hard. She will need all the support she can get without her criticism of you being thrown back at her.

Answer 7

Let you cousin know also that is natural for babies to make steps as in trying to imitate walking even at a month old when holding them at the waist or arms (when they are stronger). It is completly natural and all babies do it. Noone has "super milk". I agree that she is somewhat jealous of something and insecure in other issues. I would NOT go off on her but talk to her and let her know first of all that she should not call your baby names and that her comments are really bothering you and if she's really thinks she has some super-man baby, she might want to think again. Good Luck

Answer 8

I had the same situation with my cousin! Only her baby was older than mine. She was saying all of the things her baby could do that mine couldn't, and that my baby was fat a dumb because she was not as "advanced." I think you should just tell your cousin off! At least it will give you some "quite time" until she starts to call you again! That's what I did. She didn't call me for a whole month! It was nice to have the break!

Answer 9

yeah that would get on my nerves and you know what. Your baby is better off with you as a parent tam hers. why? because you are looking out for what your daughter does and when she does it and not pushing her into "being a big girl" too soon. My daughter is 7 months old and she sits by herself and plays. she would rather roll across the floor than even try to crawl. Does that make her better than anybody elses child no way. As for you baby she skinny compared to mine. Like I said she is 7 months and weights 20 lbs.

Answer 10

it sounds like she has some insecurities as a parent and i would tell her that she is being offensive and that you don't appreciate it my son sat alone at 3 months but some of the others sound absurd i would start some catch phrases to use when she offends after she is told like every family has different needs when she discuss your deciding to stop breastfeeding or only time will tell with the intelligence thing or yes a nice healthy weight when she goes there my son is now 10 months and i call him a little oink playfully but in a baby they need their fat stores so all in all tell her she is offensive and then learn some phrases to disarm her when she is pushing your buttons

Answer 11

Babies will develop healthy if you breast feed them or give them formula, I think that your cousin is trying to make you feel bad about the breast feeding thing. Do not pay any attention to her bragging and concentrate on giving all your love to your daughter. In time she will stop saying things about your daughter. I know how that most make you feel, because when my kids were small I, had a girlfriend who was always competing with me about her kids and mine and it made me burn up a lot with her comments but, I am glad that I took it all in stride, and guess who's kids are better then her own.