read this poem i wrote and tell me what you think please.. thanks!!
Show me who you are,
Stop me, before I go too far.
Are you leading me on,
Please don't just end up being gone.
Please lower that bar,
Don't be afraid to show me who you are.
You're scared to get hurt,
You're scared to get treated like dirt.
Yet I'm not going to hurt you,
If only you really knew.
I understand you're scared,
But only if you would've dared.
You could have had me,
But friends we will be..
2006-09-19 12:27:06 · 10 answers · asked by Andi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like a wonderful poem for someone who you wanted to be with but they didn't see you that way.
2006-09-19 12:53:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like the feelings you are trying to express in the poem, but you need to use more descriptive words to make the poem flow easily for the reader. You should look up the poems that "Cobra" has posted on "answers" to see what I mean.
2006-09-19 12:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are going to give this to him / or her, You may want to lose the last part if you want them to stay around. The (you could have had me, but friends we will be) may make someone like me just give up on you and move on. But I don't know what you are going to do with this. But all around it is good. Stay Cool and God Bless America!!!!!!
2006-09-19 12:41:30 · answer #3 · answered by firecoolerman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the last 2 lines sound like there is going to be a big break up. maybe it would be better to tell them rather than writing this way.
2006-09-19 12:49:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry, but I was unable to finish it, I suggest you go down to your local library and pull a book on writting poems, trust me it will HELP
2006-09-19 12:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by zermenoj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need more lessons in poetry writing.
2006-09-19 12:28:23 · answer #6 · answered by Jimfix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope you're not going to show it to anyone.
2006-09-19 12:28:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice poem. Don't give it to him/her. Keep it in your reportoire.
2006-09-19 12:30:35 · answer #8 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sucks really bad.
2006-09-19 13:17:40 · answer #9 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stupid
2006-09-19 12:51:38 · answer #10 · answered by bored 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋