Married almost 6 years, 13 years together. Totally in love with my wife and I believe if your honest you can work anything out. My wife and I have had problems for years, mostly me complaining that she never has time for me but does for other. I just found out she has been cheating( I think) with her ex boss/friend. She says she found him cute but thats it. I checked her cell phone text one night and saw a message from him about her having soft angel lips. I didn't say anything at first until after she deleted it. Once I confronted her she stated it just happened over the weekend, she hasn't had sex with him yet. After further searching I found out that she went to lunch with him and that these texts have been going on for months I counted over 800 in two months. After confronting again, she stated that it just got out of hand and she has not been in love with me for years. She doesn't want a divorce but not sure if she wants to work it out, what do I do, I have two small kids.
2006-09-19 11:53:57 · 32 answers · asked by cowboytodd2002 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it is cheating to you, than yes. She is disrespecting you for even letting it get to the point of texts from her boss. A stop needs to happen, please don't put up with that!
2006-09-19 11:58:47 · answer #1 · answered by Dre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to leave her. It's not fair to you or the kids to be in this situation. You deserve a woman that's going to appreciate you, your clearly a nice guy and she is not showing you that she deserves you. If she is out there having feelings for someone else wether it's love or lust it's still wrong. Anytime a person is giving intemate feelings to someone other than their spouse is considered cheating to me and my husband. How do you know she isn't gonna tell you it's over with him and not hide her tracks even more? Trust me women are very very sneaky, being a woman myself I can tell you if all you found was Text messages then in some way I think she wanted you to find out. She can say that she wont see him ever again or talk to him but how can you really trust her? and what kinda life and happiness is it that you have to check behind her and always suspect her actions. you'll drive yourself crazy and eventually it will effect the kids regardless. There better off with Happiness and healty relationships and kids do just fine in divorce situations, often alot better than married ones.
2006-09-19 12:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Shortie♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. I have been there only it was my husband. And yes it is cheating. Even if it is not physical cheating it IS emotional cheating and cheating is cheating. As far as the two little kids, you have to decide what is best for you and them. I also had 2, but the day i realized it was affecting them more than I thought it was, I had to ask myself if it was better to have a broken home or have 2 children who were seriously confused about love and relationships. It affects them younger and deeper than you may realize. Only you can make that decision for you. However I will tell you in my opinion it is not fair to you or the kids, because her heart is elsewhere. And if she is cheating and "doesn't know" what she wants, she is going to keep doing it and just doesn't know how to tell you. I am sorry I know it hurts and this is not what you want to hear right now.
2006-09-19 12:05:07 · answer #3 · answered by dpayne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife need to spend some time together. Find a family member willing to take the kids for a weekend and go rekindle what you had in the beginning.
It takes 2 to say I do and it takes 2 to find what has been misplaced.
Have a romantic weekend and then make sure that the time you both have together when the children are in bed is "your special time and do not let anything take it away from both of you."
2006-09-19 11:59:52 · answer #4 · answered by Here I Am 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a F-ing liar! If they had been texting over 800 times like you said, they are having sex! I realize you've been out of the dating world for a while, but Dude! Come on! Do you think you would send a chick that you weren't banging 800 text messages?Keep it real! You can never get back the trust you use to have. But if you can live with the fact that your wife's mouth tastes like her bosses..... you know.....then stay with her!
2006-09-19 12:05:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get proof she is cheating. Hire a PI take her to court, and take the kids away. You have and will be getting slopping seconds from her. You stated in the question "She says she found him cute but that's it." When was the last time she told you that you are cute. (She does not want you.) Your wife stated "she hasn't had sex with him yet." that means they are kissing or oral sex has already begun. You can do better. A person like this will not be able to raise health children because she is NOT thinking what a broken home will do to her children she is only think about herself. Tell her you are planning on hiring a PI and you will take the kids away from her. We will see if she cares about her children and their well being. Maybe you can get her this book "The proper care and feeding of your husbands" http://books.google.com/books?vid=ISBN0060520612&id=mTu_BWx-JrMC&pg=PA1&lpg=PA1&ots=Ul8dZ8w7Nu&dq=Proper+care+and+feeding&sig=kR3peRxRPi0pi8n5XIQyYy_J6cU
2006-09-19 12:13:02 · answer #6 · answered by Errolyn27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She only reveals "truths" as you ask questions. Big red flags. Sorry, but 800 text messages in two months. Do the math! 800 divided by 60 days = 13 per day. That's a text message once every two hours. Her lies get bigger as you get closer to the truth.
My thoughts are with you, good luck. Get her a new "surprise!" phone, you may need those text messages in your custody battle.
2006-09-19 12:12:42 · answer #7 · answered by mickeyg1958 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is a state of heart...
Let her go... If she does not want to try to work things out, you should not waste your life on being with someone who clearly does not deserve you. I am sorry that this happened to you, but there is something good in everything that happens. If you already have been having problems, maybe this incident is the beginning of the end of our relationship and beginning of your new life-- a life that is too short to be wasted on someone who doesn't care about you.
2006-09-19 11:59:41 · answer #8 · answered by Просто Я 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't want a divorce but not sure if she wants to work it out? Thats like being a little bit dead. She is too cowardly to make a decision. I'll bet she doesn't want to look like the bad guy in front of the kids. She has breached your trust. It is doubtful you will ever regain it. Whichever way you go, it will be a rotten situation for the kids.
2006-09-19 11:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by JillA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't love you. And she's looking elsewhere. Bad news. Are you willing to stay married to her for the sake of the kids? While she gives her love to someone else? What about you? What kind of message does this send to your kids? Kids are smart and they will figure it out. You're in a tough situation. I think I'd divorce her because she doesn't love you. You lose regardless, but you have a chance for happiness after the divorce.
Good luck, brother.
2006-09-19 12:16:27 · answer #10 · answered by ssbn598 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to spend so much time with her? Are you crazy?
If she's looking around for someone else - YOU are not doing your job as a husband. What is wrong? Where are you not performing?
She needs a strong, confident mofo that will not change to suit her. She needs someone she can trust and count on - YOU need to be the man she would cheat on you for.
This is on you, brother, sorry. What are you NOT doing?
p.s. - all these answers that say it's her - they're wrong - you gave her your trust and you can't take it away not matter WHAT she does - this is your fault - where are you failing as a husband?
FP
2006-09-19 12:12:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋