Anyone good at spelling and grammar, read my story?

Question

I know there's a bunch of mistakes in this story and I was wondering if anyone could just tell were they are. If your feeling nice can you help me think of an ending sentence that will make the ppl that read it go WOW:

A fierce wind hit Lilith’s bare legs as she walked the empty beach, straining to go any farther. She held a cloth bag in her right hand, the one she used for caring food and other objects found along the beach. Her vision was clouded with fog, and she was fearful of getting lost. The beautiful scenery of harsh icy waves distracted Lilith from her work. Thoughts of confusion flowed through her brain like liquid, one after the other. She wondered why her people were so cruel to bring this horribly cold weather with their weapons of mass destruction leading to a nuclear winter.
Lilith secretly looked for artifacts, as a way of comfort. Living in an utterly heartless community made her feel lost and alone. Only new discoveries seemed to relieve her pain. Her nine-year-old sister, Ivy, didn’t fully understand the tragic things she had to live through. Ivy was the only family she had left.

As Lilith let out a deep sigh something caught her eye, a rusty tubular object swaying back and forth through the stiff waves. Being a curious girl she ran over, slipping on the frosted sand into the numbing waters. Her wet hands aimlessly waving around as she tried to get out. Lilith crawled backwards, away from the water. Reaching the edges she noticed the object sitting beside her. Lilith quickly picked it up with excitement. It was covered in thick rust and hurt her small hands as she tried to open it with the little energy she had. Failing to get the object open, her only idea was to bring it home were she could get Ivy to help her.
Lilith eagerly ran home, not thinking if she were to slip again. As she entered the small snow covered shed that she called home her sister let out a faint scream. Lilith, being confused, widened her eyes and asked,“What?” Ivy being a shy person, even to her sister didn’t reply. She simply got up, walked over to Lilith and touched her cheek.

Ivy showed Lilith her fingertips with drops of blood.
“I slipped...” Lilith mumbled, “ just don’t worry, I’m fine.” She then remembered the rusty object in her bag. She took out the container and placed it in Ivy’s hands, “I found it on the beach.” Ivy looked at it as if it weren’t there, “...fun” she said sarcastically. Lilith frowned, “Help me open it.” They both took one end and tugged. It opened with a back chilling sound of rust. Lilith sat on the floor admiring the three strange things inside. Ivy slowly but eventually joined her, pointing to a long black object, “what is that?” she asked.

“Let me show you, hold out your arm.” Cautiously Ivy did as her sister told her. Lilith drew a small and unusual looking flower on her sister’s arm, making her smile sweetly. “You know a long time ago children your age used to draw pictures with these, they even had whole buildings just for hanging up pictures!” Lilith’s voice grew louder with excitement but Ivy quickly lost interest and pointed to another object, a plastic bottle with pink liquid inside.
“It’s used for turning you hair a different color...you mustn’t show anyone though. People used to spend time changing their hair color, painting there faces and even painting their nails! We can never do that though because God wants us to look the way he made us.” Ivy showed no sign of worry.

Lilith picked up the last object, “The sky was once bright, like a flame...before the war that is. People used these to protect their eyes.” She placed them on Ivy’s face and yawned, “There called sun glasses...but really, all this excitement is tiering me out,” Lilith rubbed her eyes, “We must go to sleep.” Ivy simply nodded and ran to a little mat over in the corner. She covered herself with a worn blue blanket, laying there waiting for her sister to kiss her goodnight. Lilith gathered all the objects and put them on a small shelf along with other things she had found, staring at them for a moment in amazement.

I need an ending sentence about how she goes to bed, but I want it to sound beautiful

Answer 1

I'll do the best I can:
2nd line - "straining to go any farther" I'm pretty sure this should be further
3rd line - "caring" should be carrying
4-5th lines - "and she was fearful of getting lost." fearful is out of place, try afraid, something simpler
? line - "Lilith eagerly ran home, not thinking if she were to slip again." That doesn't make much sense, reword it - it sounds like if she were to slip, she wouldn't be thinking at that exact moment, but in fact she would be - just not on slipping itself and that's what you're emphasizing.
? line - "she entered the small snow covered shed" should be small COMMA snow (small, snow)
: Don't forget to put a space for speech
? line - "painting there faces" should be THEIR faces
? line - "never do that though because God wants" put a comma after (and before, if you want) though
? line - capitalize He when referring to God
? line - "“There called sun glasses...but really, all this excitement is tiering me out,”" Few errors - 1. "There" should be they're. 2. "sun glasses" should be one word. 3. "tiering" should be tiring.
? line - "laying there waiting for her sister to kiss" should be lying there


Don't know about an ending sentence

Answer 2

"Straining to go further" is a dangling participle(it modifies Lilith or her legs, not the beach) and the correct word in this case is farther because you are referring to physical distance. She used her bag for carrying food not caring it. I'm not sure if "thoughts of confusion" makes any sense. Was she thinking about being confused or just being confused? "She wondered why her people were so cruel to bring this horribly cold weather with their weapons of mass destruction leading to a nuclear winter." is a very awkward sentence. You may want to split it in two to read more smoothly. Was it the tragic things that Lilith had to live through that Ivy didn't understand or was it what Ivy herself had to deal with that she couldn't understand.

You need a comma after "curious girl". "Her wet hands aimlessly waving around as she tried to get out." is not a complete sentence. Maybe you can just change it to waved. She wanted to bring it home where, not "were". It's not really a grammar issue but how did she go from having "little energy" to try to open the object to running eagerly? You need another comma after "even to her sister".

"Ivy looked at it as if it weren’t there, '...fun' she said sarcastically." is a comma splice. You need to either make it two sentences or use a conjunction or semicolon. What did they both take one of? I assume sides but you didn't actually say.

It should be painting their faces, not there. He is generally capitalized when referring to God.

Tiring, not tiering. Lying, not laying.

Lilith lay looking at the ceiling for a long, long time lost in a half-remembered world of people who laughed and danced in a sunny world. Then she put another skinny stick on the fire and dreamed about having soft, beautiful, warm fur like her sister.

Answer 3

You have few mistakes most of the can be solved with a dictionary. Spellcheck won't help because your mistakes are actual words, just not the ones you intended.

Answer 4

in the third paragraph it says a BACK chilling sound... and you misspelled 'tiring'. i cant think up a sentence to end it with because that should be your creation. just diddle around with words a bit.

Answer 5

Perfect just the second paragraph change it to this asked,” What?”

Answer 6

Carrying, not caring
Tiring, not tiering

I like your story the way it ends.

Answer 7

sucks