why would my fiance cheat on me?

Question

we had our date set and our kids were excited and he goes out drinks and sleeps with some girl, lies to me about it for a month and then says he only kept the lies up because he thought i wouldnt take him back now, but he let the little tramp call the cops on me when i was banging on her door to make him come out to come home and help with his twins (19 months) and 5 month old
he still tells me he didnt know why he did it in the first place, we are going to councling but it isnt completly working he still keeps saying he's leaving me when we fight and uses it as a weapon toward me any comments and please be helpful ones not just random ones --- i want things to go back to the way they used to be for our family but i just cant stop thinking about it

Answer 1

Well first of all things will not be the same. There are some major, major issues in your (marriage?) It sounds like that you two have been living together and have been creating babies for a few years now. For the life of me I don't understand why you didn't get married earlier instead of waiting for 3 kids to come along.

However putting that all aside. I think trust is the biggest issue you have to tackel. You no longer trust him and he knows it. Until the trust is restored the fighting will continue. He will continue to throw leaving in your face because he knows that is the one thing you don't want to happen. As long as you allow him to keep that ace in the hole... he will continue to exploit it - and you. See.. he has a free pass... because he knows that he can do anything and you won't leave. He can make you do anything because he will leave. HE has all the power. And you don't trust him (with or without that power).

So.. if counceling will not work then i would suggest a trial separation. See what its like to be away from each other for a while. I don't think it will.. but its a start.

What you really need to start doing is trying to detrmine how you will make it financially without him. will you have a place to stay? what will you do for work? all these things you will need to think about. what about a car?

Once you have thought about all of this then you can start to formulate an exit plan and then just - leave.

Answer 2

Things will never go back to the way they were. The next time he says he's leaving, tell him to get out then...Change the locks pack his crap and set it out near the gutter with the rest of the garbage. You need to stop sacrificing your dignity and self respect for a man who is a liar and a cheat. Once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better than that and so do those children. if he's going to cheat on you then lie about it and let his lover call the cops on you, what makes you believe that he loves you? He throws that he's going to leave because he knows you don't want him to go and it's his way of controlling the situation...and you're cowering under it and it's only going to get worse in the future because he's not going to change. if there were an honorable bone in his body, he would have told you the truth from the beginning and never lied to you about it for so long...nor would he say he don't know why he did it...he knows why...he thought he could get away with it...that's why...and he's most likely gotten away with it many many times. Kick that POS to the curb girl and find yourself a real man.

Answer 3

It always sucks when there is kids involved!!! Girl if you keep on to him girl he's just goin walk all over you like dirt! So if you want to keep him then go for it but a woman can only take so much heartbreak before she relizes he is a lying 2 timing dog!! If I was you then I would dump his *** and find someone who will treat you with respect and honesty!! It will be better for the kids! Do want a role model like that for your kids?? Don't you want your boy to treat a lady with respect and trust and honesty?? Think about that!! You can always find someone better than lyin 2 timin cheater!!! Like I always say once a cheater always a cheater!!

Answer 4

drinking alone can ruin a relationship, me and my man have been together and he is an alcoholic now and an ex-drug user, which makes him do extremly stupid things like 2 years ago we were at a party and he left me to go hang out with the biggest whore in town i found him and told him he can get his **** out when we get home , he told me later that he just wanted oral from her, i didnt let it go for 6 months.but ever since then nothing like that(involving cheating) has happend so far, but our relationship is completly ruined now, and even though we have our good times once in a while,and its seems like everything is going fine it always hits rock bottom, so im leaving him one day its just that right now we live together and its hard to split up everything, but i have convinced myself he is not the person i wanna grow with and is just another mistake in my life, i recommend that to you, do you always wanna worry when you lay in bed together if he cheated on you again? i know you have children together but that doesnt put handcufs of both of you for the rest of your lifes. if you are not happy, he not the one for you

Answer 5

obviously he found something that - at the minute-was more important to him than anything else including you and the kids. I would suggest that dumping his *** out the door would be the appropriate thing to do. After all he hasn't improved any since it happened and probably won't get any better.

Answer 6

you may never know why he did it.and you may always be haunted by the act.so the best thing to do is ask yourself a very tough question.why do i want it to work out?counseling is great as long as everyone is 100% honest,recognizes the problem,and is willing to make the changes they need to make.

Answer 7

He does not want the commitment of marriage. He is a coward and wont tell you . he is not worth it. plus he disappointed the kids. He does not care . Give it up and move on.

Answer 8

Men cheat. We are genetically programmed to have sex with as many women as possible.

Answer 9

Forget it, sweetie.....it is OVER!!!! Next relationship...better think about birth control!!! Let it go!!!

Answer 10

He's a creep thats not happy with himself!!!