He was emailing other woman,asking for photo's and talking dirty...you get the idea....
Telling one girl he loved her still and wants to meet her in Europe! He is in Iraq,and we were just married this year!!! If I can't trust him now,should I move on? And before I hear "well he is in Iraq..Boo hoo" I have been home alone all year and he freaks out if I go to the store~~ I have managed to be good,and not email guys or even care to. I think tables may turn though now...What do you think?
2006-09-19 10:58:21 · 47 answers · asked by Holly 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would not "cheat on him" Ever while we are married,and even if he cheated on me. I mean I may file for divorce and then send them in a surprise care package. Yes I do have proof he has been sending these girls emails. I saved them all. I believe in marriage ows,and I am very much a Family oriented person. Good Grief I wait up day and night just to talk to him online. My SUV even has 1/2 My Hearts in Iraq magnets on it. I am pissed actually,the more I think about it. Thank you for all the support!!!
2006-09-19 11:12:01 · update #1
This is why fantasizing about other women in ones mind is wrong. When one has a thought that comes to mind, which will lead to infidelity, they entertain that thought, then they move on to acting on that fantasy.
I am sorry to see that his wife is not his ultimate fantasy. Self control is the order of the day here along with self respect and without that he cannot respect you as you are seeing now. I don't care what excuses he will come up with a vow was made and your marriage is sacrosanct. He should be respecting that even if it was him on an island alone with a woman for the rest of his life.
I am glad to see you have all of your supporting documentation on hand. You need to do what is best for you. If you have not confronted him on it yet, you need to do that now, It will help you in determining what course you take in your decision making process; whatever it may be.
I am sorry to see that you and your marriage have been disrespected and if you have children they have been disrespected as well. I would value my wife as I do my own life.
I wish you well and hope the best for you.
Take care
2006-09-19 11:32:33 · answer #1 · answered by Martin M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When were these conversations taking place? was it before or after you were married? I would definately discuss this issue with your husband or atleast have a go at him for it. Also the comment you made about him freaking out if you go to the store sounds like he likes to be in control and has some big insecurities. Perhaps he has a large dose of paranoia considering if he finds it so easy to cheat then perhaps you could meet someone on your way to the store. Having said all that finding out your spouse is cheating strips you of all your securities, makes you question yourself, trust flies out the window and suspicion takes over. No man is worth the pain and heartache even if he says he'll never do it again they usually do.
I wish you luck and hope that I have provided you with some help. Life is too short to sacrifice your own happiness.
2006-09-19 11:07:47 · answer #2 · answered by gypsywife2b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that he is utterly wrong for doing what he does, but I am not trying to judge anyone. Sounds like he has already committed himself to be a player before you married. Most Soldiers over seas who are newly weds long for their wives and are in turn slightly possessive, because they have no control or status of the woman who is left behind. This guy however is using you as a security blanket. Don't turn the tables. Better yourself and if your really considering going out on that limb you may as well justify this through a divorce. You will be glad you did, if you do so. If you don't and decide that you want to play and keep your marriage active, then be aware of the consequences it renders.
2006-09-19 11:05:55 · answer #3 · answered by skawp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, trust your intuition, and move on. However, this is not so easy. You obviously love him and desire a life together, and are very curious & saddened by this discovery. Love often means forgiveness as well. Now while divorce may be an option, you still want to know "why", and it can't be "well, im a guy n I get lonely....". How to know weather one is truly repentant in order to come together as a whole unit & family....? This would require a period of "SEPARATION".
Take a time out. Let him know how betrayed and wounded you are. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Don't accept simple sorry's, it won't happen again, talk. Repentance shows itself in acts of humility and accepting that one has done wrong and owns up to it, and develops our character and moral decisions. To know right or wrong and choose between the two. They show in 'TANGIBLE' ways that they are truly sorry.
Be ready to forgive if he shows these behaviors...After all this is how God deals with us. We sin continuously, and He removes Himself further from our lives until we understand and repent by asking forgiveness, and help. But....be ready to accept that he may have already moved on and is not willing to repent and return.
Obviously, you are already (physically) separated, so i'm talking about emotional separation, and leaving him on his own for a time. If youre the loving and giving kine and he's your object for this gift of yours, you w/need to find another object to satisfy that natural use of yours....perhaps an orphanage or local church activity.
Be real, mourn, vulnerable, forgiving, and hurt.
2006-09-19 11:20:18 · answer #4 · answered by alntes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, a great deal of people think it's okay when a man in Iraq, or on duty for that matter, acts in an inappropriate way and talks dirty or cheats with other women.
I say, just because they're in the line of duty and are risking their lives, doesn't give them the benefit to go out and be unfaithful, to commit a sin, to shatter someones heart.
You're a wife that has managed not to cheat as you sit alone surrounded by men wherever you go. You've stuck to your vows as a promising wife. He, however, wants to "meet' women and says he loves them... you shouldn't be with this man.
His work effort is fabulous, I applaud him for fighting for his country. However, his husband status is horrible, he doesn't deserve a second chance, he's unfaithful. Cheaters will always be cheaters. And, at that, you've only been married a YEAR! It isn't your fault he's far away, he chose to do that, so he shouldn't be trying to fulfill his fantasies any other way!
2006-09-19 11:03:56 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all marriage is suppose 2 be a sacred bond u know love honor and cherish blah blah blah If he's doin all that stuff end it now to me it's sounds as though u have put ur all into ur marriage and obviousley he has'nt there's alot of fish in the sea move on live ur life 2 the fullest and be happy good luck n take care
2006-09-19 11:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by loveable_leo03 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do what he's doing, it'll only add to the problem & it'll make you look bad. If he's telling other girls he loves them, plans on meeting them, and talking dirty with them, he will probably cheat if he hasn't already. It doesn't matter where he's at, this is disrespectful to you. He also sounds controlling & when a guys gets controlling, he then becomes abusive. Does he know you know about all of this? If not, tell him. I think that you probably will not beable to trust him & I think you should get a divorce, the sooner you move on, the better.
2006-09-19 11:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by tanner 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I feel for you, honey, and yes, turn your tables around and find the right guy. You need to show him that it's over with the b.s. and that you have caught him cheating. That is what he has been doing and not only to you, but to all of the other girls who he's been keeping in touch with. I think you should open the other girls' eyes and e-mail them with the news that their so called pal has a wife. Good luck.
2006-09-19 11:53:24 · answer #8 · answered by Ladyinred 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get rid of him while you can. if he comes home from iraq and you then try to get rid of him then you could have some big time problems. if he freaks out over you going to the store then there is some trust issues and he seems to be a very jealous. get out of it while you can before you waste more time on him. make sure that these e-mails were sent after you got married before you jump the gun. good luck in whatever you do.
2006-09-19 11:04:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi, Holly....you need to talk to him and tell him what you found.....you need to address this and make him understand that its wrong, maybe he's so used to being away from home for so long that he doesn't know how to act as a husband. Ask him what it is he wants from "cyber affairs" as he's got you at home.
Dear, you've only been married less than a year, you need to make the most of your marriage at the beginning!
2006-09-19 11:03:14 · answer #10 · answered by Missylicious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋