What do I do about this alien UFO that landed in my backyard?

Question

My neighbors dont believe in UFOs so they wont help me move it. The police and military just laugh at me on the phone.

I cant mow around the thing. Everytime I time I turn the water hose on it, it starts vibrating like it is mad.

It wont let me fix the fence it landed on. It keeps chasing me away with some kind of a heat ray.

My dog pissed on one of its landing legs and it turned my dog into some kind of polyester looking meatball.

I tried to grill up some hamburgers and some kind of beam came out of of the craft vaporizing my nice stainless grill.

Can anyone give me some suggestions because this thing is stealing bricks off my house one every hour.

Answer 1

Call the government. They will send GIR in a man suit. He will say "I am government man come from the government. The government has sent me." He will take your flying government pig and fly away squealing with glee. Zim will not be amused.

Answer 2

Dear Mr. Eye,

It seems that this is an ongoing problem here in the world. There have been several complaints about this "Extra-Terrestrial Squatting" so, you are not alone.

There is a 12-step support group for these types of predicaments.

1. We admitted that we were powerless over UFOs, that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could remove the foreign object

3. Turned our will and our lives over to the care of the occupants of the UFO,

and it goes on

or, just try to post an eviction notice. You can probably find one on the web, and then use Photoshop to put in the right signatures, etc...

Answer 3

identity truthfully call the ghost busters first. then try will smith. as quickly as will gets there, hop interior the deliver with a camcorder and fly away. youll probable run into the extraterrestrial beings, and once you do, clarify which you needed to return their deliver and ask if theyll drop you decrease back off on the earth. in the event that they say no, grant will as a sacrifice :) OR decision 2 is to make a youtube video of the spaceship, perchance detect it somewhat, then donate it to a museum :) you're able to make some mulahh

Answer 4

you first lock all the doors then board them up. the you weld them shut. except the cellar door because you have been digging an escape rout and that is your only way out. then you do the same for all the windows. and then you kill any aliens that may have been in your home. then you continue digging and drive far far far an fast away and never look back!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

The UFO is running on Windows XP.

I called Microsoft Customer Support (Quargxon IV Branch) on your behalf, they said not to worry, just stay indoors for now, they'll issue an overpriced patch for it soon.

Then they told me to screw myself and have a nice day.

Answer 6

I just want to know why you can't mow around it if it's on the fence he he. Well the sooner it abducts you the better- less one illusional being on Earth.

Answer 7

Go into the yard.
turn your back to the UFO
pull down your pants,
bend over and use your hands
to expose your anus.

Give the aliens what they came for and they will go away.

Answer 8

Tell E.T. to go home and stop by and pick me up on the way..I think it would be a fun trip.

Or you can get a mirror to deflect it's heat ray back at it that worked for me.

Answer 9

see through your eye of sauron. i heard that it has a penetrating look which makes the ufo just vanish into the thin air.

Answer 10

Simple. Phone the police, giggle hysterically and say "Do not dare to attempt to enter my garden. There is absolutley nothing there of any interest to you. I know my rights. I do not have a gun"