How did you downsize your life, after the divorce?

Question

I am forced due to spousal support, to leave where I am living, and will be renting a bedroom somewhere, with my kid 50% of the time. The irony is, that I was the responsible parent, and always paid the bills, etc. Now I have a Apt. full of stuff, and have to move. She gets most of the furniture. What did you learn when it happened to you. How did you help your kid thru it. This is really hard at middle age, and I can use the advice. What tips can you offer- on anything in the whole process...

Thanks for all the support folks...Uhh, did anybody have a list of things, or things that afterwards, they thought "duh" I should have _______. I will be moving into a rented bedroom, shared house, most likely. How did your kids adapt, what ground rules did you need to set in a shared house environment. Thanks you've all been great!

Answer 1

Have a big sale and get rid of everything that is not an heirloom (the kid still needs history). Start over with your own stuff, but make sure you also get stuff for the kid: a bed, dresser, etc. so that this new place is part his/hers too. Maybe the two of you could shop for some things together, like new dinner plates, etc.

Answer 2

All I can suggest is that you don't loose contact with your children! Possessions mean nothing, you can all ways get back to where you were.
My x-wife moved out with her boyfriend after 26 years of marriage, and I lost everything and ended up with a very large, unexpected debt I was devastated! The only way I could handle it was to move to another city and start again, I could not live in the same city as them, running into them every other day,very difficult at 46 yrs.
I am now 63yrs and retired, still single but I have the same things I had before and found peace, I can do what I want and I go and see my kids often even though it is a 1400Klm trip.
I have a few good friends who I can talk to and life is good.

Answer 3

Sorry you are going through this. But you will be better off, and so will the child. They usually know what is going on. Just keep up the responsible side of yourself. Sell what you absolutely don't need, it is only stuff. I am sort of in the boat, I got divorce this year and ex destroyed anything that I really wanted. But I know that I am better by not being unhappy all the time. You will get there soon, I hope.

Answer 4

I left my husband when I was seven months pregnant with my third child. I was scared and not sure of how I was going to be able to support myself and three kids. I left everything behind except the clothes on our backs and some of their important things, toys, books, and pictures. It has been so great starting over and getting rid of so much clutter. I feel like by leaving all of the stuff behind, I was leaving my old life behind and truly starting over. It was lonely and sad at times, but now the excitement and joy of a fresh start has won out. Looking back on things, I am relieved that I left it all. My kids most of all have been thrilled and excited for me. My daughter thought this would be a great time for us to make ourselves over. We have had so much fun re-creating ourselves. The kids love their new life. They are all three happy, well adjusted children. It just takes some time. Just be sure to see the good in everything and not the negative side to it all. Makes the process of adjusting go so much quicker.

Answer 5

It's TERRIBLE to go through!!! There is no justice and you just have to do what you have to do, put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that. It does all shake out eventually but there are likely to be a lot of days when you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Bet thing I ever did was get into a group.

Answer 6

Make a budget and stick to it. The furniture you lost are only materialistic things and can be replaced. When it happened to me I learned that if I want something, I work to earn my money and pay cash for things that way no one can take them away from me. I've had to downsize but went on to buy my own home, car, furnitutre, etc. No matter what has happened, life goes on, you got to be strong and not let things get you down.

Answer 7

I'm on the other side of that story, only he wasn't a responsible parent. He was and is a good Dad but not a responsible one, he loves his kids. It's sad for everyone, especially your kids. Try to put them first, above your anger and pain. It's the only thing you can do right now.

Answer 8

It gets eaiser everyday and you will have ups and downs. Eventually you will fall into a routine with visitation and all. Reminder your child often that you love them and that the divorce has nothing to do with them.

You might want to have a garage sale, or sell some of your stuff on eBay.

You'll do just fine.

Answer 9

Well my man, there is only one way through this.You have to move on,no doubt.I'm 57 and was divorced 10 years.Ended up in a one BR apartment with no furniture.But things turned out alright.You're gong to be alright,hang in there.

Answer 10

Divorce is a terrible component; and a few human beings take longer than others to bounce back or recover from it. each and every physique is diverse. i could strongly recommend you to contemplate going to counseling or scientific care. Or locate out in the journey that your church has a help team you are able to desire to attend. Sounds to me like this guy isn't waiting for yet another dating yet. He has a selection of of matters---and in case you look after him, you are able to desire to comprehend that he can not provide you what you prefer impressive now. he's purely too bothered and he can not cope with maximum of issues on a similar time. perhaps he cares for you lots; yet he unearths it perplexing to make you recognize he feels crushed impressive now. (adult males think of in yet differently than we do. they could desire to sense good and on top of issues; in the event that they do no longer, they sense poor and that they have an inclination to "pass slowly right into a cave and lick their wounds".) Or....possibly he's conscious you look after him besides, and he feels undesirable that he can not provide you what he thinks you deserve. or possibly he feels he isn't sturdy adequate for you. the opportunities are countless.....you are able to not study his techniques. i think what i prefer to declare is this.....talk to him, see what he says, and evaluate issues so which you additionally could make a determination. Set a time shrink, too. to illustrate, by this time next 12 months ........... (You fill interior the clean: What do you prefer? the place do you prefer to be with him?) sturdy success. in case you extremely think of he's well worth it, then wait and spot and supply him the area he desires. yet observe which you're taking a raffle...and that he could finally end up telling you it extremely is over later on. sturdy success...!