how can your feelings change so drastically?

Question

i was with my bfriend for a year and a half.i was besotted with him and thought he was the one.he was in my mind all the time,i think i was in love with him.then one day he hurt me really badly and we split up.i cried and cried for months after.i was at an all time low.
then about 7 months after he emailed me telling me he was sorry,i never felt a thing.i was'nt bothered that he had emailed me,i have no feelings what so ever for him now,if i found out he was dead,i can honestly say i would'nt feel upset either.
how can someones feelings change so dramatically like this,does it mean i have no heart and that i'm cold???

Answer 1

It would seem you got over him. Somewhat.

That, or you're internalizing. It really hurt when he left, huh? Defense mechanisms are kicking in to prevent him from possibly doing it again... even if he doesn't intend to, it's not a chance your psyche is willing to take.

Congrats. You now have baggage. Better deal with this now, or your next vict... er, bf might unwittingly open Pandora's Box.

Answer 2

Nothing personal but it sounds like your were obsessed with him and little more. When your obsession ended so did your attachment. This does not make you cold in any way. Most long term relationships lead to some feelings that will never fully fade (for better or worse).

I wouldn't read too far into this. Just be sure to enjoy yourself during your future relationships- and try not to get too caught up in who you are with or life will pass you by. Even when you find the "one" be sure to keep living your life. If there is little more to you than your relationship, it's hard for a fellow (or dame) to stay interested.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

I don't think this means you're cold. It could mean a couple of things. For one, maybe you just got over it, some people are better at letting go of hurt than others. Or it could be denial, maybe you've supressed those feelings and made yourself believe that you don't still care. People do this sometimes when the pain is just too much. They block out those feelings to the point that they don't even know they are still there, but they are, burried because of fear of getting hurt again...

Answer 4

it doesnt mean your cold or you have no heart, sure - feelings change alot through your life. ive been there done that. even if he did say he was sorry, depending how bad he hurt you, no women or man should ever go through something so hurtful. i have changed when my first love crushed me. im not the same person; i was nicer back then, im still nice and caring and all that stuff but back then i was distant to people knowing they didnt want me to pry; say for instance my ex went out with a women, lets just say i didnt have the right to ask. i dont know if he cheated on me, thats just an example. i wasnt allowed to ask so i trusted instead. im not like that no more. communication is the key. if they dont like it, find someone who does. good luck, there are not many men out there who are nice, but the ones that are, dont let go. everyone changes drastically most of the time.

Answer 5

No, I wouldn't think you are without a heart.
When someones feelings change it is pefectly normal because one decides what is the best thing to do so that your life can go as smooth as possible. I believe it is somewhat of a defense system to be able to change/adapt to a new circumstance. Would you agree?
If you change your point of view about something I'm sure you reasoned with yourself first, so feel righteous- or change again.....

Answer 6

It sounds like he hurt you, and in an appropriate amount of time, you got over it. There is nothing wrong with that. You are not required to continue loving him after the relationship has ended.