My husband daughter?

Question

am 21 years old and mom to a great son named eddie. I got married last year to a man i met in my parenting class who is 28 years old and has a 13 year old daughter named claire. My husbands daughter did not live with him when we first got married and even met she lived with her mom. But unfortunatley her mom was arrested for drug use and possesion with intent to sell i believe. Ever since she has lived with us and been nothing but a problem. My husband only really paid child support and saw her maybe once a month now he is in Iraq. I have tried to bond with her trying to do things with her but she just hates me. More over i found a pregnancy test under her bed while cleaning? I suspected she was up to something but my husband just ignored me saying she was just in puppy love with her bf. How do i confront her??about the pregnancy test i found?under her bed.

My son is only 4 so my parenting skills are not this far yet. am also really busy with my last year of college this year i have 7 credits left. I dont think she is a bad kid and i care for her a lot but dont know how to talk to her?

Her dad has been away for only a 2 months and this happens

How do i tell my husband all this?

Answer 1

Unfortunately her major molding years has passed she had a Mother that probably had a free life style and didn't give her alot of the love and guidance that should be shown to a emotionally starving child. Children also learn by example and apparently Mom's example was poor. Of course this is only speculation giving the information that you have givin.
The best thing right now is tuff love. I can only imagine how hard it is going to be but she will eventually thank you. She should not be givin the chance to even partake in the kind of activities that would warrant a pregnancy test. This is your home and your rules and she will need to learn that. I dint mean to sound harsh and I am a very loving person but you can not have this behavior in your home with your young boy. As for the test you should bring this up and be the adult in this but also remember that you were once a child too. The only way is to be upfront and not try and beat around the bush. She is a child in need of mature guidance... Good luck this is very difficult.

Answer 2

Sounds like this lil girl needs a parent who knows what the heck they are doing sounds as if the real mother probably was neglectful and never showed her to love and respect herself . And dad has not had to deal with it , well u married him so here it drops on ur lap , try and be a friend to her maybe seeing how she has never experianced a parent u can try and be her friend and show her that u care about her and want to help her she is looking for love in all the wrong places and u need to get a handle on it before u are not only raising her and ur four year old but her baby also . Maybe tell her u found the pregnancty test in her room and open the conversation to getting her to a doctor to make sure everything is ok maybe tell her u wanna take her to discuss her options for birth control . discussing the options doesn't mean ur condoning her behavior but can mean a professional can talk to her and maybe let her know the risks of being sexually active .. while all she sees is she is taking me to get birth control . u need to protect her the best u can while ur husband is away and seems she needs u to step up to the plate as something in her life.

Answer 3

It is very unfortunate that her mother was/is too involved with herself and that your husband didn't take a MUCH bigger role in his daughters life. So right now you are her only parent whether either one of you like it or not. She needs to understand that you are there for her. At thirteen she must be feeling very alone and unhappy having both of her parents completely removed from her life. IMO that is a nasty combo for a young girl and could lead her down a very bad path. Sit down with her ,as someone who cares not an imposing step-mom, and talk be honest with her about the fact that you feel unsure about your role with her and try listen to her about how she is feeling. As far as the pregnancy test goes be frank with her tell her you found it and talk to her about it, her worries, the implications of becoming a young mother, and so on. I understand that it must be very difficult for you having to be a step mom to someone that is only 9 years younger but you have a responsibility to be the best parent you can to her just as you would your son Eddie, remember you made that decision when you married her father. Sooo after all that I vote for counselling the individually, both of you and for all three when your husband returns.

Good luck with everything

Answer 4

Okay, first of all you need to have a talk with your husband first before confronting your step daughter because it seems as though he does not support you and you need that support when dealing with his child. You all should seek couseling or talk to a mediator when dealing with the problems of her hating you. I don't really believe she hates you but I think she takes it out on you. She is most likely upset at the whole situation of her mother being in jail and being with a father that she was not used to seeing often. She probably resents the fact that he is in her life now trying to be a parent and never was before all of this happened. If she is having sex at 13, she really needs the support of you both. You have to understand that in a houshold as yours a relationship with your step child is going to take at least a year to develop a strong foundation and even then you will still run into the "you're not my mother" type of comments, but don't take them personal it's just that child's way of dealing with the situation. but, I would say talk to your husband about the test first and take it from there. If you do decide to talk to her make sure she understands that you are only loooking out for her well being and if she is in fact if she is pregnant she needs medical attention quickly or the parents will be at fault because of the child's age. and if she's not, make sure you talk to her about being sexually active at her age! you can go to my website and read some things on there, the address is

Answer 5

Well I dont think I would say anyhting about the pregnancy test but I would tell her that I wanted to take her to planned parrenthood to get some birth controll. You dont want her to think you are snooping in her stuff. I would just take he to planned parrenthood and they will do their own pregnancy test and if shes not pregnant they will put her on some birth control. Kids her age are exploring sex and things like that and you should never try to judge her just tell he that she is 13 years old and she is at an age where she might want to explore sex and you love her and want her to be protected if and when she does have sex. If you tell he she shouldnt be having sex or that you found the test she will get all defensive and she will deffinatly not get any closer to you.
Good luck with this I hope she isnt pregnant already at 13 that would realy suck.

Answer 6

Step-kids are tricky. I have 2. My step-son (now 23) and I have a great releationship, he calls me "dad", and we treat each other the same way those with a biological relationship do.

My step-daughter (now 16) is a different story. She's never "warmed up" to me, despite years of trying. It's beginning to get better though, as she matures.

I think you just have to keep plugging away. Remember, you're the adult in this relationship.

As far as specific advice about the pregnancy test, I'd just ask her about it w/o being confrontational.

Answer 7

Sounds like you've gotten in way over your head. You'll just have to be completely open and honest about everything with your husband about his daughter. Remain calm and don't flip out. Try to have a sane, adult, rational conversation with your husband. Show some conviction in your purpose when talking to him about his daughter's behavior. Good luck.

Answer 8

honey you have your hands full with a teen no matter what the deal is,sit her down and make her listen to you it wont be easy but if you keep trying she will listen don't give up on her kids can tell if you think they are a loser and no child is a loser and and you just need to make her understand you want the best for her
good luck to you

Answer 9

Tell your husband as frank as you can be about what is happening at home. Also, talk to your step daughter and see what's up. Be there to listen to her and be there when she needs you.