Why am I always the victim? Am I just too good? I'm always the outkast?

Question

Today is just like any other day. I feel so angry and just useless. My father says he wishes he was dead because of me. Can you believe it? I have never done anyhing to offend him. I always do what he says I should do. I get high grades at school in all my subjects. Today I'm sick and he is just shouting and swearing at me and I haven't done nothing. He is the biggest bully in my life.

At school people always pick on me. The teachers can't do anything about it. It is like there are not even there.
I'm sick of the racism. There is nothing I can do about it either. I sometimes think that maybe I am a low life. I only live by the fact that I go to school to learn. Being black and white is not easy where I live. At least I have a few friends, who keep away from me to keep their'' status high''

My dad wishes he was dead?
That is what I should be saying, not him.
He wishes he had better children? I wish I had a better dad. At 15, I'm unstable. I have to move out soon, maybe 18?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you had such a horrible day. Right here, right now decide to define the boundaries in your life of what you will and will NOT put up with. Starting tomorrow, when someone picks on you at school, stand up for yourself. Know who you are. There is no one else in the world like you. Don't back down. Forget the teachers, call the police if you have to but never ever let anyone bully you or make you feel less than. Accept the fact right now that you will face racists (ignorant angry) people from time to time the rest of your life. Be ready for them as well. God formed every cell of you perfectly and intentionally. You are his masterpiece and He only uses the most brilliant and most unique colors. Pray for your Dad. I know that sounds strange but he needs it. He's trying to dump all his insecurities and shortcomings on you and that's not fair. Nothing is your fault. You have a wonderful future ahead of you. You can do anything you want if you work and pray hard enough. Tomorrow will be better. Stand up for yourself now and always fight to protect your boundaries.

Answer 2

Do NOT listen to you family talking so poorly about you. Of course the exception would be that you are kidding yourself and actually do cause a lot of pain and problems to you family. Take responsibility for your actions - no matter what. Think about how your actions reflect on and affect those around you.

That said, meaning, regardless if you are the cause or your family is the cause, the things you need to do to overcome are the same:

You need to find a counselor, or some other adult role model that can help you make sense of these problems, or at least help you get through them.

I'm soooo sorry you are going through this. But if you do not get some guidance you will have bigger problems in the future.

Also, yes, find a safe place to be outside of your home. A library - where you can do homework or read.. or a place that simply inspires you and reflects the beautiful things in life. Sports and activity will also help get your mind and body out of that environment.

Most importantly, again, find someone, or a few people, especially of your same gender - if you are a girl, you need a WOMAN, to talk to and help you. Choose carefully. Go to your church and learn what is right and wrong about how people treat you - that will help guide you choosing the right people to surround yourself with.

Answer 3

AH yes the horrable life of a teenager! i remember it with no fondness at all! my dad was a control freak,no you can't go out,no you can't do that, that sort of stuff so i was not really allowed to do much in my teen years! however he is my father and i still love him! In school i was horrably teased by others fatso,four eyes,smartypants, loser,geek, these are the things that they would say to me. I even had 2 boys that bullied me physically, pushing, shoving,hitting,hair pulling, they were mean. i tried to ignore it all, and when that didn't work i complained to the teachers,the councouler,the principal, still they would do nothing about it, they said they had to actually witness it to do something! So i lived my lonley tortured little teen life! Yes i had friends but not that many! so i can sympathize with you!
My suggestion to you would be to try not to make your dad mad and just do what he says and stay out of his way! if your mother is around talk to her tell her how you feel! she might be able to help you! Maybe you should talk to a counciloer or therapist about what is bothering you it might help you! or maybe with the dad issue some family counciling might help! as for school just ignore the verbal taunts and keep your head up high! if someone gets physical with you report it to the school officails! and yes you could move out but you are not an adult and you can not live on your own! if the situation is that terrable and you feel like you need to leave the house see if maybe their is a relative that you could go stay with for awhile like a grandparent or an aunt! and if there is and they and your parents are agreeable to the situation then that might be a solution for you! but whatever you do don't run away it will only make the situation worse!

Answer 4

It is fantastic that you are doing well in school. You need to keep that up until you graduate, no matter what. Where do you live, what city/state? Msg me the answer if you don't want to post it. Not your actual address or anything, just city & state.

Not knowing where you live or anything about you it's hard to really answer so I'll answer more generally. Is the man you refer to as your "dad" your biological father or did your mother remarry or whatever? I gather from what you said that you are the child of an interracial marriage. There's nothing wrong with that, who says there is? It is hard to picture your "dad" just starting to yell and swear at you for no reason. Did something happen to start him off? Does he have other issues he's taking out on you? Does he have a job? Is he using drugs or alcohol? Where's your mother all this time? What does she have to say? Do you have other siblings? Where are they and how does he treat them?

At 15 it is normal for you to start thinking about moving out AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME. Unfortunately a lot of girls at your age decide to run away. That's not a good idea. However, if there is actual abuse in your household, and I'm primarily talking about physical or sexual, you need to seek help NOW from school counselors, social agencies, etc. At your age you are beginning to become independent and it is normal for a father to be concerned when it comes to his little girl becoming a woman. Some dads don't make the transition well - could this be part of what's going on? Though this transition can cause tension if you work with your parents you all can get through it successfully.

Has anyone witnessed your father's behavior towards you? Anyone else heard the things he said? Is it serious enough to report? Will they back you up?

Are there any behaviors you've exhibited that have contributed to what is going on? You seem to say there aren't but seriously, think about it and tell me if there's anything you've said or done that you can think of that might have added to this. If the answer is no, say so. I have to ask. If the answer is yes and you don't tell me, I can't help you.

Anything more I can tell you will depend on getting more detailed information about your specific situation. If you want to tell more, msg me.

Answer 5

Maybe your father is jealous of you academic talent, mine was...he always tried to disrupt my studying, or wasn't interested in what I was doing.

Hang on in there...I know its probably difficult, but when you go to university you will meet people who have simillar interests as you.

I loved history ( still do) got a lot of stick for it when I was at school, but I could not get enough of it, so much so I would prefer to read a book than going out getting hammered at nighclubs, like some of the people at my age.

I am now doing a PhD in the subject and so happy...so stick in there concentrate on getting to uni - then you can move away from your dad.

Fortunatley unlike you I did not suffer discrimication due to my disablity at school, if fact most people were great. Although there was one bully who enjoyed pushing me over cause it was easy to do so, but she was just sick.

Answer 6

He is your dad and you are supposed to respect him but it doesn't say anything about loving him, Try not to take what he says seriously, it should come in from your right ear and get out from your left ear, when he starts like that just close yourself in your room and put headphones with music or go to your friends house or to a mall, library, just out of your house. When you'll be 18 you can move out, I strongly recommend it for you.
Luck sweety, you sound like a very nice girl, I wish you the best, I know your situation is not easy.

Answer 7

Your dad sounds like he needs professional help, he is reflecting his fears and worries at you and that is so unfair, hes a bully and your copping it all the time, you are not a victim, just a really nice person who has taken too much crap in her life already, don't allow yourself to become a victim for other peoples fears and resentment, stand up for yourself and be counted and do it now.

Answer 8

You sound too nice. Start being nasty, have no regrets. None. He's a coward having a go at a 15 year old. you wanna explode and blow your top. I'm not really the best person to give advice but if some body called my bluff they might regret it.

Answer 9

Hi, I hope you feel all the good vibes coming down the computer to you from all of us reading your message. You sound such an intelligent young person. Why do parents say such hurtful, thoughtless things sometimes, or by the sounds of it most of the time in your case? As a parent I can say I've made a couple of bloopers and it's usually when my own life feels over stressed or I'm not feeling happy myself. If your dad is unhappy, if he is emotionally immature, if he is just plain thoughtless, if he is in some way trying to motivate you to 'do better', if he is depressed, if he is unaware of the privilege it is to be a parent, if he is a hopeless role model for whatever reason he says 'he wishes he was dead because of you' - I can believe he has said it - but don't you believe it. It is just rubbish coming out of his mouth for who knows what reason. You sound thoughtful and mature, and you don't want to be put down by him or anyone else, most likely the best thing would be to have his encouragement and support at this time in your life, and yet you know he hasn't got it to give. I want to encourage you to ignore him or switch of to him when he says these things, people say horrible things when they are feeling horrible. I agree with other writers that it would be great for you to seek out other support for you - you are a wonderful human being, you deserve to experience love and approval. Reach out to an older, wiser, kinder more together person, take a risk to share with them how you feel. Good on you for even asking here, keep moving in that direction - of finding the people who help you grow into the amazing person you are.

You are not a low life in my humble opinion, in fact by experiencing people behaving in racist and thoughtless ways, you can view them from the higher space of awareness that they have problems to be acting that way, that they are trying to make themselves feel superior or happier by putting others down. If they are nasty to you (and this includes your dad) they are unhappy on some level and this has nothing to do with you, it's their problem. It's not easy to forgive but if you can just know each and every time nastiness comes your way, these people have a problem, not you.

Hang on in there, keep up your work at school, it's a credit to you that you can cope so well under stress, you are strong. Focus on your strengths. When you said 'I'm sick of racism and there is nothing I can do about it either'... I think you just did by writing that, not everyone who reads your message will reply to it, but some will read that and their awareness of racism will be increased.

You are thinking about what you can do to build the stability in your life, I just want to encourage you to do just that. Here are my answers to your questions...
Why am I always the victim? You're not, you're strong and intelligent and thinking about what you can do differently, you are creative.
Am I just too good? No, you keep doing the good you're doing, like working hard at school, ignoring idiotic remarks - it will do you well now and the future.
Am always the outcast? Maybe at this time in your life you are holding back from others because you don't want to risk being hurt - totally sensible thing to do. Having your dad go on like he is doesn't do wonders for you self esteem, so most likely it feels safest to trust just a few people. As you put more things in place to build a supportive environment for yourself, (and there will be others feeling like you) you will find yourself feeling less outcast.

Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Im sorry your dad is iresponsible, and unapreciative. As far as everyone else, my best advice would be to go read the book, "The Four Agreements" It really helped me figure out how to stop listening to what people were saying about me (or what i thought they were saying about me) and really love and appreciate myself. I think it might help.