Do I have this whole friendship thing wrong?

Question

I try to be a good friend, a loving and (while I am very low income) I try to be generous with my friends.
My friend and I were sex buddies for a few years. Strong feelings for the man but when it comes time for him to come over, its all on his time. He came over when he wanted to and if I wanted to see him any other time, it just didnt happen. We wouldnt get together for anything other than sex (dinner a few times, but only because I bitched) and sex got to the point where I would get him off and he would roll over and hold me, ignoring my requests (I have to ask?) for reciprocation. I had to finish myself off. If he doesnt want it, I am out of luck. Not long ago he got drepressed and send an email out to his friends I made light of it, because any problem I have is pretty much ignored. Now that he has a problem, everyone is supposed to drop everything and deal with it. He blew up at me, I havent spoken too him since.
Whats with all the selfish people?

My other friend ands i went to auctions and flea markets. He would trreat me to lunch, sometime dinner. At the auctions I would load his truck and off load it at his house. This is killing my back. I asked him for $20 for doing the lifting and hauling, he rejected it outright. I thought the meals were because we are friends but apparently it's payment for all the lifting. This started a huge blow up and I was given ultimatums. I'll stay home and let him do his own auctions.
Am I beaing unreasonably selfish? Or am I being taken advantage of?

Answer 1

You were used and you know it,,, Grow some self esteem and get people out of your life that do these types of things.. It's your fault, you allow people to treat you like you want to be treated.......... reciprocated... Apparently you like feeling unwanted and unloved..... Please change your vicious horrific path you are on right now.

Answer 2

Well first asking for $20 for lifting at the auction may or may not have been unreasonable. If he treated you to the auction, and lunch, helping him load is not unreasonable. However, if he did not help you load the stuff and you did all the work he did take advantage of you. If you expect any payments for work, then make the arrangement befor you go to the event.

As for the rest. The story sounds one sided. There is always two sides to a story and would have to hear his side before any judgement could be rendered.

Also a friendship based off of sex is not friendship. Sex should rarely be brought into a friendship. It only complicates matters and gets mess with emotions and stronger feelings.

If you want to save the friendship it will be work. No matter if you were wrong or right make the first step. Ask him to come talk to you and lay all the emotions and such out there to be discussed. Get it out in the open and hope for the best. Good luck

Answer 3

I hate to say this man, but it sounds to me like you need some new friends who will treat you right. You definately need to replace the sex buddy. Even as a friend he should care enough to treat you the way he likes to be treated.

Most people realize as they grow older that selfishness will leave them lonely.

As for the auction and your friends there you probably should have made it clear up front that you would want a small recompense for helping with the lifting. You are right the world is full of selfish people. They are mixed right in with the good people.

Answer 4

With any relationship; sexual or non, its a give and take. If someone is being totally selfish as you described, cut your loses and move on. What do you get out to the relationship at this point but a bunch of grief? Let him stew in his own juices and ignore him. Maybe one day, he'll come to his senses and realize what a good person you were to have in his life.

The depression act might be faked, in order to obtain your sympathy. The lack of being reciprocal with sex is absurd. Dude, don't ever let someone take advantage of you like that again. Rollover my A$$; you should have kick his tired butt out of the bedroom, the house, and defiantly out your life. He's playing you like a violin. Don't let it happen and drop the false guilt!

Answer 5

First of all, the first fellow ceased being a friend once you had sex with him. Sex destroys friendships, no matter what ones orientation is.

Second, the second fellow sounds like a friend who turned out to be a user, big time. And he does not keep confidences either -- like when he showed your e-mail message to him to others.

You need to separate your friendships from your relationships. And then you need to dump friends who use or otherwise abuse you.

I hope this helps you.

Answer 6

He's lazy and takes you for granted.

Replace him and until then be honest , tell him you no longer have a need for him, since he no longer satisfy's your needs anyhow.

Look him straight in the eye and tell him that he bores you.
If that is uncomfortable for you , then when he wants to come tell him you have something else to do, have company or make it obvious, tell him you have a headache and he'll get the picture eventually.

Sounds like you need a new lover anyway.

Answer 7

Sounds like you were getting used.