am 21 years old and mom to a great son named eddie. I got married last year to a man i met in my parenting class who is 28 years old and has a 13 year old daughter named claire. My husbands daughter did not live with him when we first got married and even met she lived with her mom. But unfortunatley her mom was arrested for drug use and possesion with intent to sell i believe. Ever since she has lived with us and been nothing but a problem. My husband only really paid child support and saw her maybe once a month now he is in Iraq. I have tried to bond with her trying to do things with her but she just hates me. More over i found a pregnancy test under her bed while cleaning? I suspected she was up to something but my husband just ignored me saying she was just in puppy love with her bf. How do i confront her??about the pregnancy test i found?under her bed
2006-09-19 08:58:23 · 27 answers · asked by mindy h 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
My son is only 4 so my parenting skills are not this far yet. am also really busy with my last year of college this year i have 7 credits left. I dont think she is a bad kid and i care for her a lot but dont know how to talk to her?
2006-09-19 08:59:12 · update #1
Her dad has been away for only a 2 months and this happens
2006-09-19 08:59:38 · update #2
take her butt to the doctor and find out if shes pregnant. get her tested for all stds and get her in to counseling too. also if not pregnant get her on the pill or better yet the depo shot
2006-09-19 09:04:02 · answer #1 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am 18 yrs old and found out i was pregnant in the beginning of the year. I don't think you necessarily have anything to worry about. I always had a test hidden away when i started having sex just Incase. Don't do anything Yet just keep an eye on the test and see if it disappears. If it does then you should ask her about it and tell her its OK and everything will be OK either Way. Finding out you are pregnant is a traumatic time in any teens life especially if you have no special bond with a close family member as you feel you have no one to go to. Tell her she can come talk to you about it any time when shes ready. And if she does listen to what she wants and don't judge. Your opinion wont really count if you just judge and tell her what to do. That is what i would do from my experiences.
2006-09-19 12:41:51 · answer #2 · answered by lil_mika_0987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is what it is. You are her step mom and she needs to learn to respect you now. If you found a preg.test under her bed if things are not out of control they will be. You have to sit her down and talk to her. If she's not pregnant get her on birth control. Take control of your home. She's 13 and she needs direction. You can't be her friend you have to be her parent. I'm not saying she has to call you mom, she needs to respect you. Your husband is away and you were left to raise her at this time. Let her hate you. She'll love you for it in the end. My real son is 13 and he acts like he hates me all the time. It's growing pains they think their grown and their not. You can do it. Just don't get up set about her not liking you. No kid at their age likes their parent. Keep a close eye on her with out her knowing it she is going to give you trouble the worse kind. All you can do is stand your ground with her and let her know your rules your house. Tough love it has to be that way.
2006-09-19 09:12:33 · answer #3 · answered by purrfectsandcastle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't freak out, and I wouldn't recomend trying to handle this on your own. Maybe you could talk to a school counselor or minister. If you husband's in the military, see if they have a counseling center or somthing for families on/near base. somtimes those things are available. If you DO decide to talk to her, try to remain calm, no matter what. If you let her get to you, nothing productive will ever happen. Explain where you found it, and what you were doing when you found it. Explain that you're not mad, just worried. Just stay calm. The counselors at her school may be able to help you, or recommend some place the two of you can go to try to work on your relationship!! Good Luck!!
2006-09-19 09:05:35 · answer #4 · answered by Sharon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to talk to her. She may not want your help, but she needs it. Try to be understanding and don't just start yelling at her. She will probably yell at you and accuse you of invading her privacy, but don't take that personally she is only 13 and it seems like neither one of her parents are paying much attention to her. Definitely take her to the doctor. She needs to be tested for STD's and it is better to have a 13 yr old on birth control pills than a pregnant 13 yr old. Getting her on the pill doesn't give her permission to have sex, but she's going to do that whether she has permission or not, so it's better to be prepared. I think family counseling with you and her, and her dad when he gets back will help. It may take a few years, but eventually she will see that you cared for her when no one else did. Good luck.
2006-09-19 09:18:22 · answer #5 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad or not this may be a chance to get her to open up to her. You do need to talk to her dad, but if you just go to him and he freaks out on her she will clam up to you even more. Sad but true. Even between a real mom and dad a kid wants to be able to confide in a parent and trust that they won't go running to the other parent. I agree with important matters should be discussed with your partner, but there are situations when the dad really doesnt need to know because it will just cause a problem. he does need to know about this, but. Was it a positive test or just a test? Go to her and don't get upset just ask her if she needs to talk. Tell her you found the test and are just worried about her and not that she is in trouble. My parent's made sex out to be this horrible horrible thing that I would never ever be forgiven for so I would not talk to them. Has I felt comfortable enough to talk to them I have a feeling I would not have done some of the things I did. a 13 yr old in this kind of a situation doesn't need to be scolded she needs to be loved. It may not be right but you're still young as I am, do you remember what you did when your parents tried to stop you from doing somethign you wanted to do? And from the family life she seems to have had thus far it is easy to understand how she has turned to sex. Women see sex as having to do with love, and it's supposed to but we all know better now that we've been through it. We can try to find the love that we feel we are missing at home with a boy. And of course we only get our hearts broken even more. She needs some love. From you and her dad. Maybe talk to her and then talk to her dad. If she is not pregnant there is no need to tell him about that, it's an worry he doesn't need while he's where he is. Just tell him that you are worried that she may be turning to sex and that you feel that she needs some extra time and attention. Ask him to write his daughter as much as he can and call her as often as possible. Maybe find a babysitter for your son and plan your step daughters favorite dinner or something and tell her you're gonna have a ladies night out. Then you can talk to her and let her know you are with her not against her and that you are only trying to help. Oh I've got so much more I can say but I don't wnat to take up this whole page. You should email me I've been through a lot of this with my parents maybe I can help some more. I'll leave you with this though. It seems to me that she has had a difficult life, try to understand her feelings instead of getting mad. Even if she is being mean to you there is a reason behind it. Don't try to be a mother but a friend just incase she feels that is what you are trying to do. That doesn't mean you don't punish her or you let her walk all over you, you can be an adult, and adults need to be respected but there is a difference between respecing you as an adult figure and respecting you as a mother. She may not be willing to do that one. You can be strict and give her guild lines and rules but use your heart and try to help her get through what she has been put through and be patient it will take time.
2006-09-19 09:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is a really hard one. What a little brat she is being. Well i think you should first take her to the doctors and find out for sure. Sit her down and talk to her she is acting like a little kid towards you so treat her like a little kid if you have to. My stepdad went to iraq and my sister was off sneaking out almost everynight than my mom caught her. She made my sister talk to my step dad in iraq and he was very upset he kept telling her how people are dying all around him and he is in a bad position he kept saying why would you do something so bad in a time like this. My sister felt bad and never did it again. So maybe if your husband gives her a talk she might be nicer to you.
2006-09-19 09:14:20 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This would have happened with or without her father in the picture... YES talk to her.... something is going on and you know what it is.... that can be stressful for a child to deal with... more so than you dealing with 2 kids and school... she could turn to the wrong people for answers and end up worse off... talk to her about you becoming a young mom and how hard it is. What you could have done different.... and how at 13, THE ONLY THING A BOY IS wanting from you is S*X. Yep.... got to talk about it with her.
2006-09-19 09:07:57 · answer #8 · answered by lfaulk0 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if she is 13 and doesnt like you dont bother.
She will not start to like you any time soon trust me.
Maybe onfronting her will not be the best idea i mean... its probably on her mind all day and night she cant just be so shocked.Cleaning under her bed will get her mad too she had it there for a reason.
Let her deal with it if her dad is gone there is no one she can go to but you.
Give it time and dont stress about it
2006-09-19 09:17:41 · answer #9 · answered by Drea M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think this girl is really mixed up and need someone to love and care for her, also she needs someone like yourself to talk to as you sound like you care which is more than her mother does. the girl is doing this for attention but its not all her fault as her mum has been taken away from her and her father is in iraq. Think you should tackle this very sensitively and without any shouting, i would try and treat her like an adult and she might open up to you, also if she doesnt want to talk then give her a hug and let her know that you will be there for when she does decide to talk as pushing her into it will only make her shy away from you
2006-09-19 09:08:06 · answer #10 · answered by TRACY M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well even if she doesn't know it, I'm sure you realize you are all she has. You husband has essentially dumped her on you. That was wrong of him.
There's not much you can do with her. I'd talk to her like she was an adult and explain that you're not her mother or her father, but if she needs to talk or help you will be there for her and leave it at that. Explain to her the rules of the house and what happens if she doesn't follow them. I wouldn't pull my hair out. Whatever happens with her will happen.
Perhaps if it all works out, on her college graduation or wedding day or she'll thank you for being the mother he never had.
2006-09-19 09:09:37 · answer #11 · answered by Pam 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋