i want sex all the time, and i have fetishes.(bdsm) but my husband does not want sex as much as i do , ive tried bein very accepting to his wants. and i certainly do not push him. but in my head i still want it all the time, ive talked to him about it and about if its just me ( a problem that i have ) what can i do to either change myself or get him more in the mood.. i love him so much and i just want to fix the problem..( we are only 20 ) we have been together since i we were 16.. and married for 9 months.
2006-09-19 08:45:12 · 6 answers · asked by Lux C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
julie w , i know and thats why im scared do u think that maybe im not as attractive as i used to be to him? we have been together for along time.. and only been with eachother, but we've tried everything sexualy possible so whats wrong?
2006-09-19 08:54:32 · update #1
I suspect that you aren't alone in this situation. It would be hard to believe that any two people would want to be intimate with the other at exactly the same time. On the other hand, if there is a major difference between the two levels, then a real problem exists.
I purposely use the term intimacy as sex is merely a part (albeit a major one). There are all sorts of ways that two people can be intimate with each other. Do you still have long conversations over anything and everything? Do you take walks in the park? Those are intimate activities. However, if you and he are leading different lives, then that's a problem. However, I suspect that it's not the case here.
I think that you are trying to find out why your libido is more active than his. Without knowing what is going on in your lives, that's not something that can be easily determined. However, I will speculate as you brought it up is that perhaps there is something resulting from you having BDSM fetishes. It's likely, just as a guess, that he might be reticent about your particular type of sexuality (which I add is totally legitimate). The point is that it's not for everyone.
The best thing that you can do is continue to talk with him. I suggest that you do not approach it as if it is a problem, but simply a difference of interest. It only seems like a problem for you as you are not getting your needs fulfilled. An open conversation will hopefully help him see that your needs are important and there needs to be a middle way, not a compromise, but another direction that your marriage takes that differs from the two of you alone.
Hope that helps.
2006-09-19 20:05:38 · answer #1 · answered by Ѕємι~Мαđ ŠçїєŋŧιѕТ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is simply a matter of continued communication. You need to get him to talk to you about what turns him on. What gets him in a mood for sex. It may be that he has other things weighing on his mind and they are limiting his ability to focus on sex. Maybe there are times that are better for him than others or things that you can do that put him more in the mood. Just keep the focus on communication between you two and I'm sure it will work out.
2006-09-19 08:55:00 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job or put your energy into something productive other than sex. You're desires will slow down a little.
It's shocking to hear that your husband at 20 doesn't want sex as much as you.
2006-09-19 08:52:01 · answer #3 · answered by Julie W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out why you have the desire for bdsm first. You might suffer from a low self image. Seek counseling from a qualified therapist.
2006-09-19 08:48:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 20 and already maried? Well then calm down and spread it out....there will come a time when your roles will be reversed...save some of your eagerness for that.
2006-09-19 08:47:48 · answer #5 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go get a dill do and have fun
2006-09-19 08:51:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋