I am married for over 3 years and we have a baby boy who just turned one. I have an older son that I raised & supported by myself as I divorced his father when he was a year old after he left with a stripper. My bills were always paid on time and I was very responsible. Now I have a partner who keeps lying about everything and is completely financially irresponsible. I am not working right now because I have seizures (epilepsy) and they have been very bad the past year. I just found out my husband has $10,000.00 tax debt from before he met me. Rent is overdue and utilities paid late. He won't let me handle the money. He has 13 years sobriety in AA and goes to many speaking engagements telling people to be responsible and talking about himself. He needs to take his own advice. We will have to move soon as the house we rent has been sold & all I do is worry. He says there is nothing to worry about. I feel like an idiot for getting myself into this mess.
2006-09-19 07:05:05 · 13 answers · asked by Misty Evenings 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you feel like an idiot it may be because you are asking yourself something like "I should know better than to get with this kind of guy." You are feeling shame and that is not helpful to you or your children.
Understand that I am not criticizing you, OK? I have done similar things in the past. Bottom line: You have a bad picker. You find men who are not loyal, responsible, addicted or whatever.
You are right about AA. People in 12 step programs are supposed to be learning to be responsible. To clean up their messes.
This guy does not sound like he is in recovery. He may have switched addictions. Maybe to strippers? Or he is having an affair. That is probably what the lying is about. Or it could be gambling he switched to. Or he may have gone back to the bottle.
It doesn't matter what the reason. He is not acting very healthy.
If you have any family, get in touch and ask for help from them. For sure go to Alanon- that is free and in the phone book. IF you are a church goer, ask for help. Call social services and get food stamps. Get some support and then make decisions in yours and your children's best interest, not on what this dude tells you.
Good luck.
2006-09-19 07:17:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am married, have 4 children that I supported myself and now I have 2 step-kids. I am not working right now either due to being a one vehicle family and living in a secluded area. I have epilepsy as well ! I would say that is has gottin' worse due to all the stress you are under. Honestly, I would say for you to get out. You were very responsible before and you can do it again! It also doesn't matter if the tax debt is from before you get married, you are married now so if you were to go to work, they could garnish your wages as well! Make him pay child support and move on with your life. Your children need you and not to see you worried all the time!
2006-09-19 07:20:01 · answer #2 · answered by kimpierce76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...that is indeed the most poignant and touching story that I've heard in a long time?
Just what is he doing with the money? I just love the "nothing to worry about" line. beautiful. I think what he means is "he" has nothing to worry about. You, on the other hand will no doubt run the risk of being left high and dry with a new kid, an older kid, epilepsy and no job, money or home.
Oh sure..everyone says "divorce" him. yeah...if it were that easy you'd have done it already...right?
best case for you is to start socking away some cash and get ready to pack up and get a separation. I suspect you have a hard road ahead. A spouse that lies is one that cares little for you or your well being. You must strike out on your own. let him consider with his "lecture" circuit in the halls of AA. No money earned there. Just a great place to inflate your own ego and make you look good in front of a bunch of rummies....of which he also wallowed around with for years.
He's doing you no favors. in fact...neither are you for yourself and the kids.
get moving on this. If not...well....if you think you're trapped now you ain't seen Jack baby!"
2006-09-19 07:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel like an idiot. It is not a mess that you got into by yourself. It is just something that happened. It is big change from being in control of everything to not having that much control. With him it is easier to give the advice then to fallow it. That is the way for a lot of people. Try not to worry so much that will just give you gray hair an doesn't help anything. Just keep asking him if he needs help. If you look hard enough you will find a way. Let him know in gently ways that you are there to help and by helping him it would be helping you. He will come around.
2006-09-19 07:33:57 · answer #4 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you've ALWAYS paid your bills on time. Like me, you probably need to get some more "revolving" accounts somehow, which is easier if you never have delinquincies of any type. Quite a feat with seizure meds to pay for too, I might add.
Is he going to be paid for his speeches? if he's any good at it, maybe he should start getting paid. .
I don't have any quick words for how to get out of your "mess" right now, but you both need to get on the same track and talk things out, do things together. If you don't there will always be these kind of problems. He has been an addict (alcohol) and always will be one, and addicts cannot be trusted to handle the money. If you both have impulse issues, then the more responsible one needs to handle the money. Try to get on the same page. Counseling might help both of you.
2006-09-19 07:25:48 · answer #5 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll have to convince him that you need to handle the $.
You're not working, you have the time on your hands, etc....
If you have to move because of his being irresponsible, I would consider moving without him.
Do you have any savings? If not, consider moving in with your Mom or someone while you take care of your health until you can return to work.
Sorry to hear the bad news, but this sounds like a situation you should get out of soon.
2006-09-19 07:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by lynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you think you would be better off by youself, he is doing nothing but making your life worse and not being a man like he suppose to be. You can do better, leave that child and find yourself a real man.
2006-09-19 07:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go down to the courthouse and pick up the divorce packet. You'll be needing one before this is over.
2006-09-19 07:12:15 · answer #8 · answered by BeenThere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like an idiot. Get rid of him you deserve much better.
2006-09-19 07:09:39 · answer #9 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, and I am SO thankful I don't. Leave him if he refuses to grow up!
2006-09-19 07:09:00 · answer #10 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋