I feel terrible. What should I do? The affair he had last year was a horrible experience for me. There was a time when I was told it was over and it wasn't. The woman just kept re-appearing. Then I caught him two more times e-mailing random women on-line, flirting. It's all over now, and I thought I was over it, but then I e-mailed this guy. We haven't met or anything and I'm not interested in meeting him, we've just flirted a little. Now my husband has found out and I know he's hurt, however he won't admit it. The strange thing is, I don't feel bad that I did it. I feel bad about how it made him feel. Now I'm afraid our marriage will be over for something so stupid. What should I do?
2006-09-19 07:04:27 · 15 answers · asked by Alwayz Learning 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WHY PLAY GAMES!!!!
This situation should have been handled way before it got to this. You just wait and see he's going to get you back and the cycle continues.
If you can't trust each other maybe you shouldn't be together!!!!
2006-09-19 07:13:54 · answer #1 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From were I sit I think that the marriage was over when your husband not only did it once but more then that. By the sound of it you were doing what he did. Maybe now he knows how you felt and the marriage isn't over. If it is then it goes back further then you talking to some guy. I am not saying that you did the right thing but it didn't help with him having an affair and the woman showing up. My mother told me that two wrongs never make a right and if your not care full then the two wrongs can hurt twice as hard. Sit down with him and tell him everything and ask him what he wants to do. If you want to save the marriage it has to be something that you both want and work at.
2006-09-19 14:15:54 · answer #2 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
women are always supposed to "forgive and forget", now that the shoe is on the other foot, he's hurt!!!!! what a joke! he should have been man enough in the beginning to tell you that he was not happy with himself or that he couldn't handle the commitments of a marriage....because it was not your fault he cheated, some men cheat because they don't know how to be honest, (so do some women....but for now, we are talking about this loser). how can you be certain "it's all over now",... when a person can't go a day without lying, and some people a minute, they are nothing more than a BONAFIDE LOSER!!, hopefully, you don't have kids, it would be so much easier to leave, if you don't, there are many men out there, if you feel you need a man but i have a favorite saying....ALL men are CREATED equal........poor things:) either try to work with the husband you got or your just going to have to start over with the next guy.
2006-09-19 14:40:57 · answer #3 · answered by susieqsie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can really sympathize with you. I had a boyfriend (who later became my husband) who cheated a number of times. I was so upset when he did this but I didn't retaliate. I did lose respect for him but I didn't do anything to send him in this direction and I didn't do anything to punish him. I took on the roll of victim but I never let him forget that he strayed. Eventually I did meet up with an old boyfriend and we took it a little far and my boyfriend at the time was really hurt when he found out. But you know what? He just had another extra-curricular affair--and we were engaged by this time. It was totally disfunctional and I married him anyway. Big mistake.
Never marry someone you can't respect, and never stay with someone you can't trust.
My boyfriend/husband didn't cheat on me after we got married, I know for a fact, but where do you draw the line? The problems we experienced because of the cheating left a big hole in our relationship. I believed him when he said he wouldn't do it again and he did it again. And again. I didn't feel guilty that I cheated back on him (you didn't go that far and that's good for you), just like you feel now. But feeling bad for your husband after you chatted with another guy is pretty messed up. He didn't seem to feel too bad about cheating on you, lying that it was over, and keeping up the behavior.
Sounds like you guys either need to seek professional marriage counseling to get some of the trust back in your marriage, or just hang it up and count your losses. It sounds like you're finished as a couple but that's only from reading 10 lines of your life. It's only up to you how you can continue. Also, I probably don't have to tell you this, but please make certain you are protected during any sexual activity...if he's out there with other women, you have no idea what he's coming home with.
Take care of yourself. Good luck!
2006-09-19 14:28:23 · answer #4 · answered by Hello Dolly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
News flash! You marriage is already over. Now you just have a tit for tat relationship. If you aren't enjoying that, go for counseling or see a lawyer. I suggest both for you. I mean the guy carries on a relationship outside your marriage, emails other women and YOU are worried that he is hurt because you emailed someone online. He sure has you brainwashed doesn't he? Get some counseling, get a divorce, get a life.
2006-09-19 14:28:02 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you dont feel bad your relatonship is in bigger trouble than you think. I feel your in a revenge state of mind and you think whats good for the goose...... But two wrongs dont make a right and your marriage is serious danger. Cut off communications with this other person and try to make your relationship work. And then when its over you can do all the flirting you want.
2006-09-19 14:13:51 · answer #6 · answered by blazinblackmale 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it be over. It is over the moment you found out he cheated so many times. Why bother about how bad it made him feel. Did he bother about how he hurt you? Let the marriage go to hell. He doesn't deserve you, and you should not stay on with a jerk. .
2006-09-20 03:21:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you still have some un-resolved issues with your husband. Maybe you both think you got over it but apparently not. There was nothing wrong with emailing someone, it's not like you went out and had sex with them, although "getting back" prolly hurt him i say GOOD .. he deserved it, maybe not a year later but he did have it coming to him. I would sit down with him and tell him how it all made you feel and WHY you felt like you had to get back at him .. maybe you should have cousiling together to help more .. good luck honey
2006-09-19 14:29:45 · answer #8 · answered by bLank 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's what happens when one person in a marriage cheats - the other person feels compelled to get back at the cheater and then things start spiraling downward - i would seriously consider leaving the marriage - things can only get worse - so much trust has been betrayed - it will take an astronomical amount of work to get it back if you stay.
2006-09-19 14:16:02 · answer #9 · answered by livetall1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not to be a ***** or anything.. but you should feel bad, If you've forgiven him for cheating then MOVE ON. It happened in my marriage, and no one is getting back at anyone else! It's childish and not needed. It's what causes divorce's... If you didn't forgive him then you should of left.
Just talk to him. Let him know that you were still hurting from what he'd done. You shouldn't of done it. But just talk to him. Hell talk about going to counseling. I think you need it. Marriage counseling.
2006-09-19 14:10:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋