We are in our late 40s. I've been through Ala non (past relationship) and don't think that his problem is severe. It's far from an every day problem, but when he does drink, it's too much. I don't want to end up married to an alcoholic. What can I say, short of an ultimatum? Or how can I help him?
2006-09-19 06:46:27 · 9 answers · asked by Mimi00 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you know h-e has to want the help first-
2006-09-19 06:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He already is an alcoholic. Hope you can see that. Does he know he has a problem? Does he want help in managing this problem? Only he can make this happen. If you marry him you will be marrying another alcoholic. His problem is only going to get worse if he does not stop. Can you handle it? You ahve a lot to consider and think with your head and not your heart. You may have to decide it is time to let this relationship end. Only you can decide.
2006-09-19 13:53:56 · answer #2 · answered by dreaming_again2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be firm in your response to this (not everyday) occurance, anyone thats ever been in AA or had a loved one knows that a alcoholic cannot have 1 drink,don't dance around the problem, give the ultimatum, cause it get worse if you marry,you will be the next domestic volience victim,and you saw it coming!
2006-09-19 13:52:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Alcohol consumption, or more accurately, excessive consumption, is a symptom. What needs to happen is to find the cause. People over do it to relieve stress, to overcome inhibitions, to cope with physical pain, right on up to alcoholism. If he'll talk about it, get him to tell you what's eating him. The only motivator you won't be able to alter is alcoholism. If that's the case, nobody but him can make a change.
2006-09-19 13:58:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been to Al Anon then you know anything more than expressing your distaste for his drinking habit is called "enabling." You also know you can't influence his consumption in any way. I suggest you decide to either leave the relationship until your fiance decides to be sober or prepare yourself for a marriage to an alcoholic. You already know this. Revist Al Anon. You need a refresher.
2006-09-19 13:52:10 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you attend Ala non, then you are aware that you are an enabler, you are making excuses for this guy, and you should know better than that. You also know that an Ultimatum does not get you nor him anywhere.
The choice is yours, do not repeat the past.
2006-09-19 13:52:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up with him. Seriously, this is not one of those smart mouth answers. You're inviting a lifetime of mental anguish and codependency if you stay with someone who acknowledges they have a problem but does nothing to correct it. They won't change just because you love 'em, they only change if they really WANT to change.
2006-09-19 14:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by BeenThere 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you give a bj every time he is sober
2006-09-19 13:49:53 · answer #8 · answered by polockpete40 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
get a new b/f---who are u to give an ultimatum
it is his life
2006-09-19 13:48:33 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋