Feeling trapped-need input...?

Question

I have been married for 10 years to a good man. We have two children and there is no abuse at all. My hubby loves me and I Iove him but I find myself thinking about leaving our marriage daily. I am discontent, I feel trapped, like I can't do anything because of responsibilty and respect to my family. I am not a child and take my vows seriously however I can't stop thinking about starting my life over....without the restraints of my marriage. I find it most difficult to communicate these feelings to my husband because he has done no wrong and I do not wish to hurt him but in not doing so, I feel I am harming my own soul forever. I did leave him a month ago and he convinced me to come back the next day, that we would work on my happiness issues together. Things haven't really changed(not that there is anything bad happening), my life and my heart just feel stagnant and I feel so selfish to have these daily thoughts of running away. Any input is appreciated.

Answer 1

Happiness come from within and your soul can live free even if you continue your marriage. This feeling will most likely pass if you give it time and do new things! Try a new hobby or take a class, join an exercise group, or take time to read a book, you feel trapped b/c you are not allowing yourself enough free time just for you! Look within and ask what things would make you happy are they realistic? It is not up to any one to deliver your happiness to you on a platter that will never happen anyway - that is impossible! Leaving your family and your husband will make you happy? I don't think so! You are reaching out for something, anything and this is what you come up with yet in the long run you'll be more miserable then you already are. Look within to the source and find out why you feel the way you do to begin with then look for ways to change those feelings no one lese can change these things or your feelings but you!.. Life is what you make it the more you tell yourself you are not happy and feel trapped the more you are going to feel that way! Take a vacation, if you must take it alone! Do things that will allow you to miss your home and family you'll appreciate them both more...

Answer 2

I think you are dealing with a common problem. I find that most marriages encounter this type of issue . Often it comes from casting your own future around your married and parental roles. As your children age and go to school your role is reduced. You look around and do not see any semblance of of a self. This might be why you are feeling discontent. You have willingly given up your image of yourself as an independant person and long to have it back. Maybe you can reduce these feelings by establishing some independence within the marriage. A couple of solutions might involve getting a job, you did not say you worked and working women usually do not have these issues, taking some classes at the local community college, finding a local volunteer agency who could use your help. All of these things can offer you some independent life without husband and children. We ALL need that, some independent life. Your marriage cannot survive while you feel stifled. You're right you cannot discuss this with your husband. He does not understand what he's done wrong. You admit that there is no structural problem with your marriage and you are provided for. Before you do something which could destroy that forever maybe you should try some of these things so that you feel like a person again. This stuff did not happen quickly so don't be rash or hurry to cure it. The quick fixes are not long term solutions anyway. Removing the restraints of marriage is the last step in your process not one of the early ones. If you are worried about your soul, realize it will be permanently damaged if you abandon your husband and children because of these feelings.
Right now you want to run. This will not cure your problem only compound it. You should also consider some individual therapy (not marriage counseling) to help you resolve your personal conflicts. Good Luck

Answer 3

I have been in your situation, only at the seven year point instead of ten years. I left and it has been about a year and a half since then. My life was much like yours, I lost my identity and my sense of self because I spent my time and exhausted my efforts to be a wife and mother. Since I left, I found a new man who fulfills all of my wants and needs as an individual. He is wonderful with my daughter and we both adore him. However, I have realized that he is not the man that I promised to be with for the rest of my life. I have found myself questioning if I made the right choice and even considered reconciling with my husband. The problem is that he has not changed and I am not sure he will. People are attentive and affectionate by nature and I am not sure those are things that can be learned. So, ask yourself this.......do you love your husband enough to try? If the answer is yes, then tell him how you feel, make time for yourselves, and find a way to make it work. If not, then you know what you want to do. But, I urge you to remember this, in all relationships, the newness and the "in-love" feeling eventually fades. If you enter a new relationship, your children will be affected every day of their lives. If you will feel with a new man a love out of "respect and companionship" in a few years, then why not maintain that same relationship with the man who is the father of your children and the person you committed to spend your life with? Best of luck to you. The path will not always be easy.

Answer 4

If it makes you feel any better - you really are not alone.

There are many women out there who have also have feelings of being trapped, bored, discontented etc.
Those are perfectly normal feelings, and they aren't just limited to women - men have them, too.
After the routine of marriage settles in, and a couple has gotten used to one another - it's common to think of what life would have been like had you made other choices.

However, had you made those choices and not gotten married -then right now, you might still be experiencing those same feelings -except you would be wondering what life would have been like had you gotten married. If you were to leave your husband - who sounds like a great guy - you may be kicking yourself 10 years down the road wishing you had stayed married to him.

Since you've been married for 10 years, and have spent a majority of that time looking after the needs of your husband and children, your feelings of discontent most likely stem from a neglect of your own needs and interests. Maybe it's time you looked after someone else's needs - your own.

Find something that you enjoy doing - some long neglected interest you've put on hold while you've spent this time looking after your family. and then pursue it - whatever it may be. Your husband will no doubt support you in your endeavors, and you will have more to bring to both yourself and your relationship in terms of happiness and contentment.

Good Luck~*

Answer 5

It sounds like you need a break. I mean you and your husband together, no kids, on a vacation. Take a trip somewhere away from phones and jobs and even too many things to do, and just spend time getting close again. Intimacy takes time and work, and our world is so busy that we can easily loose track of each other.
You also need to spend regular time talking to God about what your life is about and remembering that there is a reason why your are where you are. Raising a family is vitally important, even though our society tends to downplay it. Your kids need a stable home, even though it feels like a trap to you.
I suggest you also spend some time each week or two going out with girlfriends just having fun. You don't have to spend a lot of time or money, just a break from the regular routine.
Remember that divorce is always harder on everyone involved than you can even imagine. I know, I've done it. God Bless.

Answer 6

Sorry to say it - you are acting like a selfish brat. Please stop doing that and everytime you get these thoughts - imagine the look of your children staring at you. You don't need to snap out of this behavior for yourself or for your families or even for your husband. DO IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN!
Say you divorce, are you prepared to distroy their life's and allow some other woman to raise them when they're at his place. This is the reality of what will happen if you don't control your own behavior. This isn't about other people and what they are or aren't doing - it's all about you and what you will do next time some silly thought pops into your head. Control your own life and make a difference for the others around you. If you're not sure how - read "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr Laura found in all book stores. Very good luck!!!

Answer 7

oh dear, i really do feel for you ,you sound like a lovely person that feels so trapped,you both love each other and there are children involved so its not so easy to walk away.think very hard about the real reasons behind this upset,could it just be that you have lost your identity with married life and children.i also am married to a wonderful man and have 3 children and often think like you do,i am now starting back to work and have met some new friends ,i now feel like me again,not just a wife or a mother,try doing things on your own or with friends and getting a night out alone with you husband to talk ,away from the marrital home, i hope you can work things out ,keep talking to each other and the very best to you all

Answer 8

I don't think it's that uncommon to feel like "hey, I didn't sign up for this." At some point you have to come to the realization that only you are responsible for your happiness. Your husband, your kids and another man are NOT going to bring you happiness. When I finally figured this out 12 or so years ago (I'm 45) I was liberated AND empowered. I have been mostly happy ever since.

Answer 9

You are going through the 10 year - where is the excitement stage. Wait! Remember the love & you will move to the next stage of your marriage. it only gets better. After 33 years of
marriage I have learned that teenage "in love" has nothing to do with love. Just wait to you are a couple again, it is wonderful, children grown - married or in college.
Never miss a "Friday night date". We have gone out every Friday night for 33 years. We go out to eat 5 out of 7 days but only one "date night". Make him special & stop trying to explain a problem you say does not exist. it is hard enough to explain a real problem to your husband. Good luck & try to hold on to that love - for yourself & your children.

Answer 10

"7 year itch". This is geneticly hardwired into many of us. After the kids stop being really dependant on us, women in particular, find an urge to go and leave their mate and find a new one. This spreads the genes better and helps insure the perpetuation of her genes.
This is a successful for genes, but not always for people. You need to get counseling and see either a religious or secular one. You need to weigh the costs of what your body is trying to make you do. What it will do to your life, your kids, your husband.
Sometimes we can fool our bodies by going on vacation with your mate and role playing meeting him all over again and hooking up.
You must do something or you will find things spin rapidly out of your control.
On the positive side, within about a year, this urge should fade and go away for at least a few years.