Let me try this again.....??? Would you tell her even if she's in a happy Marriage??

Question

Ok I wasn't clear before so I hope this helps.

A close friend of mine told me that he's in love with me weeks before he moved to the same city I am at. (Job reasons not to stalk me!) My reaction was, OMG, why is he telling me this and I said. "Sorry but nothing can ever come of this and I don't think we should bring this up again." (He and my husband get along)

So anyway I was wondering why would he tell me!? He has a girlfriend, which I met yesterday, very awkward to say the least.

And if YOU were him would you have told me and if YOU were me how would have responded/reacted???

I am trying really hard to understand why he would do this??

Thanks

The reason this bothers me is because we have been friends for almost 10years (wow). The reason I didn't tell my husband is because they get along so well and I like that my husband isn't a jealous guy but at the sametime my husband is really quiet and doesn't make friends easily so I feel that if I teel him I will take his new friend away and he will be even more weary to make friends.....I don't want anyone to get hurt.

Answer 1

Maybe he did love you from quite sometime back but never gathered the courage to tell you about it. Maybe he feared losing your friendship. If he has a girlfriend and you are married then even he realises that nothing will probably come out of this feeling of his. All he wanted to do by saying that is to et you know how he feels about you and probably just wanted to get it out of his chest. Maybe he is not very happy in his relationship and thought you are not in yours and wanted to take a ONE LAST TRY. I am very certain that it was ac act of desperation on his part to bring his feelings out in the open which I believe he supressed inside him for a long time.

Just tell him you respect his feelings but you cannot do anything about it. And it would be better for him and you both if it is left just at that.

There might be some awkward moments now that he has told you this but to make things better all you do is act like he never said a word and it never happened. He will get the hint that you are happy where you are and he will probably come to terms with it.

Unrequited love is often easily forgotten. He will get over your feelings soon. The only reason he hadn't so far is coz he never experessed them and by doing that he unknowingly nurtured it. Good Luck.

Answer 2

That's relatively attractive....It brought a tear to my eye. Regrettably though, there are some who not ever particularly adored within the first place.....Were by no means all set to carry her for even a minute. If only existence would be that straightforward. Alas I hear of too many people in an abusive hindrance where they dont simply not elevate their wives, they beat them into submission.....That variety of marriage must not be saved. However I agree, if there was love to begin with, then it may be salvaged and divorce should no longer embarked upon except all other avenues have been exhausted.

Answer 3

The answer is one word. "Attraction"

When a man finds a woman attractive and then finds that attraction so strong he believes it is love it would be very hard for him to suffer in silence.

He wants very much to be with you. No doubt a very strong attraction. He knows that unless he tells you how he feels nothing would ever come of it. So he says this with the hope that you may have some of the same feelings for him but just not saying them.
That hope then would extend to your divorcing your husband and being with him or at the very least have an affair with him.

We men are very good at fantasy in regards to woman believe me.

If I were him I would not have told you unless I could see you were not happy with your husband. If I felt for one minute that you weren't I would make very sure you knew you had someone to turn to.

Just tell him how this may have affected your friendship. He will not want to loose that so he should then back off.

Answer 4

I try to see the good in everybody and I think that maybe he just needed you to confirm the fact that it would never be, so that he could get it off his chest and move on with his life not having to question if there could have been or might have beed. I wouldn't hold it against him, and you know your husbnd well enough to know if he could handle knowing about it, if he can then i advise you to tellhim because if you don't then you are always going to feel like you are keeping something from him, and it will always be weird when you are around them both at the same time but wouldn't you rather tell your husband about it and have the secret with him that your friend doesn't know you told your husband or would you rather have a secret with your friend that your husband doesn't know about. If you are close to your husband like you should be then he is going to be able to tell a difference in you when your friend is around.

Answer 5

I hate to say this, but it is selfishness. If I were him, I would not want to ruin my good friends marriage, I would chalk it up to a crush. If I were you, I might just put the friendship on hold. I would let him know that nothing will ever happen and that I love My Husband. And I would also put the friendship on hold for a long while. Otherwise, you might be tempted to explore the what ifs. And then I would fall deeper in love with the man I married. I think that he would not tell you something like that if he is really your friend. That is bound to cause nothing but chaos in your relationships. It was selfish because he only thought about what he wants. Which is for you to think about him in that way, for you to have a wedge in your marriage, and for you to reciprocate. Boy, oh boy... Why would he do that?! Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Well since most (not all but most) marriages have at least one partner stepping out and "getting some" he figured why not? He would be "safe" he wouldn't tell anyone (he has a girlfriend and he gets along with hubby so he would have a lot to loose) and if it was a one time thing...

But... if he and hubby get along - well.... and did before he moved out to where you are... i would wonder if he wasn't put up to it by hubby to test you (yeah... I'm paranoid) to see if you would do anything.

I think you did the right thing and told him there was no chance with you. Additionally I firmly believe that once you are in a committed relationship then you need to drop all active friendships with the opposite sex.

Answer 7

That is quite lovely....It introduced a tear to my eye. Unfortunately despite the fact that, there are a few who by no means quite cherished within the first location.....have been by no means ready to convey her for even a minute. If handiest lifestyles would be that realistic. Unfortunately I pay attention of too many men and women in an abusive difficulty in which they dont simply now not convey their better halves, they beat them into submission.....that sort of marriage must now not be stored. But I agree, if there used to be like to start with, then it may be salvaged and divorce must now not embarked upon until all different avenues had been exhausted.

Answer 8

I think you handled it exactly as you should have! Cudos 2 U!!

The reason he told you.....that's a bit tough. Well, he is a man, and men really don't think before making a bafoon of themselves. Possibly told you to see what your reaction would be and if he had a shot?! Since you turned him down, now he can pursue a closer relationship with his girlfriend.???? Who truly knows what men are thinking except themselves. I agree about not telling your husband. You seemed to have handled it very well, and if you aren't too uncomfortable with him being friends with your husband, then just go forward with life!

Answer 9

You say: "I am trying really hard to understand why he would do this??" My answer: because he is interested in you!

I question your anguish about this. Us guys do weird things when we are infatuated or in love.

If I were you and I was truly in a happy marriage then I'd politely tell him that I did not share the same feelings. However, if I was not in a happy marriage then I might become confused or question my marriage.

Who knows perhaps, I'd even post this question on Yahoo Answers. But I'd only do that if I had second thoughts.

Answer 10

Why do you think he told you? Think. What advantage do YOU think he might have forseen? A physical relationship at least.

But....kudos to you for saying what you said. You are indeed smart and have standards. So stop trying to delve into this and look for easons or answers. See...everyone nowadays wants reasons as to why this or that happened. Sometimes there aren't any answers.

Now...if this fellow persists after you've made your feelings clear to him then I suggest you sit with your husband...tell him what the story is and gently suggest that you do not want him to kill the guy but to cool the relationship with him. Ask your hubby to say nothing but little by little disolve the friendship.

Good luck.