I was friends with a co-worker until recently, when I ended the friendship, because she was discussing me with the HR Director. I don't know the tone of the conversations, but after having these discussions burn me on several occasions, I went directly to her to see what was going on. She explained that they were just talking and she was misunderstood. I'm not angry, but I also don't feel comfortable speaking to her, because I don't know what she's going to repeat. I'm not talking **** or anything, but she's taking my words and spinning them to the negative when she repeats them and I have no idea why.
Now she's angry with me? What's that about? Am I being too logical? If you're twisting my words to the HR Director and getting me in hot water, I'm going to avoid conversations that aren't work related with you to stay out of hot water. Makes sense to me.
2006-09-19 05:49:44 · 10 answers · asked by LifesAMystery 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Additionally, I tried to be friends out of the office, but those conversations (very innocent) were reported too.
She's doing this to others too, so I know it's not personal.
I wasn't angry with her initially, but now her behavior is bordering on unprofessional, we still have to work together, and the attitude I get is infuriating, when this started in her court.
Thanks for your feedback
2006-09-19 06:42:17 · update #1
Your behaviour has to be different in the office from now on. Keep your distance and stay away from conversations regarding personal life, religion, and politics. Those are the 3 things that people can find out about your personal life outside the office.
Also, you may want to set up a meeting with this woman and HR and express the FACTS that sharing personal conversations OUTSIDE the office is unprofessional and has no benefit to anyone inside the comapny, nor does it have to do with increasing productivity for the company. Frame the conversation without expressing HOW YOU FEEL. Stick to the facts and your point will come across. Don't encourage arguments, nor get sucked into one.
You have to make an offensive move (without being offensive). If she tries to buddy up with you again take evasive action and tell her you have other matters that you need to take care of and walk away.
I hope you've learned your lesson. While many companies encourage workers to get along, you have to be smart in the art of politics-answering a question, without giving an answer. Be smart and don't react. She may be one of those crazy b*tches who their lives are based on their performance on the job. Outside the job, she's misrable, lonley and fustrated.
Be smart and move silent.
2006-09-19 10:35:06 · answer #1 · answered by monkeymustard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes sense to me, too. I think you did the logical thing, too.
However, like me, you seem very, very direct. I'm wondering if you told her you wouldn't be friends with her anymore? If you did, she probably got offended. People love to do that for no apparent reason. Probably the way to go would have been NOT to tell her anything and to have quietly removed yourself from quite so much closeness with her... assuming I got it right, that you were direct with her.
Otherwise, do look at it from her point of view. Allegedly, she didn't do anything. If she truly believes she did nothing, and then you say she did something and won't be friends with her anymore... you follow me?
If she does that negative spin on everyone's words, then it's not about you. And if it's only you, then consider the source: who TOLD you she was negative spinning? How likely is it that the negative spin is theirs? But if she does do the negative on everyone, you're well rid of her. Hope she doesn't turn into an office stalker.
2006-09-19 13:02:09 · answer #2 · answered by Bitsie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree stay away from her. She may be what I call a "Double-agent" working for the HR director and trying to get you in trouble. I understand where you are coming from b/c there are people at my job that are the same way. Those types are only trouble and you should stay away at work at least and avoid all non work related conversations with the *****. She's scheming and trying to get you in trouble. SHe has no right to be mad @ you either. SO she's retaded.
2006-09-19 13:00:38 · answer #3 · answered by tawanna h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more social entities. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. In limited understanding, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone you. Once you are uncomfortable trust bond in friendship is destroyed and relation will cool off. This is normal.
2006-09-19 12:59:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Avoid this person like the plague! You are justified.
I once had a co-worker who approached my ex's newest flame based on chat from work, now that's brass balls.
And if this co-worker is twisting your words to the negative, no telling what else she may do or say to others.
2006-09-19 12:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by hnz57txn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Makes sense to me as well. Sometimes when we tell certain people something, they tend to twist words around. If you choose to be this girl's friend, choose your words carefully and don't tell her something that you feel she shouldn't know about. What it all boils down to is that she's trying to make herself look good in her boss's eyes and kissing that person's a**. Or, don't even bother wasting your time trying to be her friend and continue getting into hot water. It's all up to you though and do what you think is in your best interest.
2006-09-19 13:05:38 · answer #6 · answered by Lady S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'M KIND OF IN THE SAME SITUATION. MY BEST FRIEND TELLS EVERYONE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. IT BOTHERS ME GREATLY BUT SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND AND I LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY. SO I PICK AND CHOSE WHAT I TELL HER. SOME PEOPLE JUST CANT HELP IT. THEY HAVE TO TALK. AND SOME NEED TO TALK TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK BETTER. IT SOUNDS TO ME THAT YOU ARE ANGRY OR YOU WOULDNT BE QUESTIONING IT. IF YOU CHOSE TO CONTINUE TO BE HER FRIEND THEN YOU NEED TO KEEP THE CONVERSATION OUT OF THE WORK PLACE. MAKES SENCE TO ME TOO. GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-19 12:55:54 · answer #7 · answered by ca_dahlberg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her, shes obviously not a good friend- youd be better off without her
2006-09-19 12:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by Celicia S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HEY LOOK JUST DO YOU UR JOB AND WELL LIKE IVE SAID YOU GO TO WORK TO WORK NOT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS SO I BELIEVE IF ITS NOT WORK RELATED DONT MENTION ANYTHING TO HER K SWEETIE HAVE A GOOD DAY
2006-09-19 13:00:53 · answer #9 · answered by lrl_gutierrez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. Stay away from her.
2006-09-19 12:52:40 · answer #10 · answered by American citizen and taxpayer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋