I AM MARRIED WITH A 7 YEAR OLD LITTLE BOY AND I AM TRYING TO GET CUSTODY OF MY NEPHEW HE IS IN CPS CUSTODY AND MY HUSBAND WANTS TO LEAVE ME BECAUSE OF THIS. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE IN THIS SITUATION AND WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
2006-09-19 05:49:26 · 29 answers · asked by poohbear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No question I would get my nephew! If he really loved you he would support you in this. Good luck.
2006-09-19 05:51:21 · answer #1 · answered by marie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult question to answer without really knowing what your husband's reasons are for feeling as he does.
If your nephew is an older child (over 12) who has been in trouble, that could very well be a good reason for your husband not wanting to get involved. Most likely, he could be concerned about the influence your nephew may possibly have on your son.
Frankly, it's hard to understand why your spouse would want to leave a marriage he is presumably happy in, unless he has a very good reason for feeling as he does about your nephew. You need to find out why he feels as he does. He may not feel comfortable with the idea of the family dynamics changing if your nephew were to become part of your family.
If your nephew is a young boy under the age of 9 or 10 - there is a very good chance that with the safe and loving home environment you and your husband could provide for him, he would finally be able to have the opportunities in life that he has been missing. A strong male father figure could be just what he needs at this point to help provide him with some sense of stability and security.
Find out what your husband's reasons are - and then do your best to allay his fears and concerns that nothing will change if you were to welcome your nephew into your home, and make him a part of your family.
However, if your nephew is an older child who has been in trouble (depending on the trouble), you really need to consider your husband's feelings before making this very important decision.
2006-09-19 06:04:52 · answer #2 · answered by DG 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I t sounds like your husband needs to be more supportive of you. If he's willing to leave because you want to save your nephew, he needs some help. I think you should follow your heart and do what makes you feel right about this situation. Maybe you could try sitting him down and explaining your feelings, tell him what your nephew will have to go through with different foster care homes, etc. Tell him how important this is to you. If he still threatens to leave, only you can decide where to go next. I think it's great that you want to help your nephew. I have alot of respect for you and wish you the best of luck. I hope your husband loves you enough to change his mind. If not then maybe he's not the right one.
2006-09-19 05:59:13 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow - this is serious stress in your life. There are many things to consider here...
What sorts of discussions have you had with your husband on this? Are his reasons valid? He must feel pretty strongly about this or are there a number of other issues going on and this is his breaking point?
What's best for YOUR 7 year old? Is there a lot of unrest and arguing in your home that your son might actually benefit if you split?
It is admirable you want to help your nephew - is there a comprimise you can make? Regular visitation with your nephew - weekend visits maybe where he stays over night? School holidays at your house - that will give you satisfaction that you are in your nephew' life giving him emotional support and physical support of family and keep your husband happy?
There are too many issues here for me, as a stranger to really give an opinion... hopefully my questions help you answer your own question.
In my marriage (which is a happy, successful one), we discuss things at great lengths and keep an open mind to the other persons wants and needs, if, at the end of the discussion, one person still isn't in favour of something and no compromise can be made we just don't do it - either we both have to be in agreement or a compromise we are both in agreement has to occur.
2006-09-19 05:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by family_matters 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your husband, perhaps taking care of the child you have already should come first. If you are so interested in taking this nephew in- take a class in foster parenting and figure out if you are equipped to take on an endeavor of such magnitude. Why was the nephew placed with CPS in the first place? Usually a family member is prefferred -if they are found to be fit for the challenge. Best wishes to you.
2006-09-19 06:01:29 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are responsible to get your blood out of CPS. If your husband does not understand that, he has no concept of family and what they are for. I applaud your effort to take care of the children. Make sure he knows that is what family does. That poor kid is probably a wreck. I don't know why he ended up there but it can't be a good story. You need to get that child out of the system until his parents come back to the world. Your husband's attitude is selfish. How badly will this affect his life? He's willing to give up your marriage because you are doing what is ethically correct? That is truly sad. Apparently your concept of right and wrong is stronger than his.
2006-09-19 06:00:22 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, i hope you discussed this with him first.? if not, thats where his problem lies. if you did and right off the bat he was against it, then yes i think hes wrong for not supporting you in the decision, BUT other factors need to be considered also, why is your nephew in cps custody? a problem child? alot of health issues? maybe your husband is concerned about the time and energy it will take from your son and him.
if he is willing to leave over this-is there an underlying problem and hes been waiting for an excuse to leave? i know you are looking for an answer but i hope my questions help you to think this thru thoroughly.
2006-09-19 06:01:35 · answer #7 · answered by poohs friend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well would you be getting custody of this child for the rest of his life or just temporarily?
Why does your husband object? There are a lot of question to be asked and I don't think anyone can answer based on the limited information provide. No matter what the situation you still have to rememer that this is your husband, and you have to respect his opinion to a certain degree. You guys need to talk about it and see if you can't come to some kind of agreement. Is it really worth loosing your marriage over?
2006-09-19 05:53:16 · answer #8 · answered by Red 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband should stand by you no matter what . Does he remember the marriage vow for better or worse? What did he take that to mean? I think if he wants to leave because you want to take in a member of your family then he is not worth having and you can find a real man and a real husband who will stand beside you. Good Luck in whatever you decide to do.
2006-09-19 05:54:12 · answer #9 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a little insight into this...sort of. My wife took on a lot of family responsibility and we both worked very hard holding it up. Your husband may be concerned that there will be an impact to your relationship and both your lives. My wife and I as i said worked very hard at taking care of everyone. We took care of everyone but ourselves. We forgot about our relationship. We were good business partners, we were a good work team, we were a good management team, but we forgot that we were lovers and loved each other in a romantic way. The results were catastrophic. We are now separated but seeing each other and working on it. Guess what, when our world fell apart, everyone seemed to take care of themselves without are total support. I agree that family should take care of family. Your nephew needs his family. Just be careful to set up boundaries for yourself in the process. Maybe if you let your hubby know that your lives will be protected from being lost, he may understand and not be afraid of loosing you because of responsibilities take his place as the thing in your life that you keep on the front burner.
Good Luck
2006-09-19 05:59:06 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly? If I was in your husband's shoes, I wouldn't want somebody else's kid around. I know your spouse is supposed to stick by you and support you through thick and thin, but even having your own child is taxing sometimes, let alone taking on a responsibility of having someone else's. I would be strongly against it. However, I think it's very generous of you to help your nephew; in fact, to contradict myself, I would have probably done the same.
2006-09-19 05:56:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋