He left me today....?

Question

He's gone. After 15 years of marriage. He went to councellor this morning and called me from his office to say that he has to be alone to work out his issues. He came home an hour later and I sat back and watched him pack his clothes.....how do you stay strong?

Answer 1

Okay, this is going to hurt but it is a reality check. Cry if you need because crying is the only true way to physically cleanse the soul and strengthen the heart.

You knew that the marriage was coming to an end. It was just a matter of when. You also had hope and that's why you are torn now. Hope is a beautiful attribute but the primary cause of the most pain when something fails. How to get through this...??

For the first few days, weeks and hopefully NOT months, you may be depressed. Missing him immensely. But it is important to start changing yourself. 15years of marriage is 15 years of routine. Change your routine. Go to the gym. Go to the jazz clubs or just do something you NEVER really cared to do. And do it just because! Just do the damn thang! Not to look for someone else, but to look for yourself because I guarantee you lost a part of you when the marriage first started falling apart as well as the moment he walked out the door. You HAVE TO do things out of your normal routine and mix and mingle. Don't let the gray cloud of depression overcome you...it sucks! And it's hard to get away from. You know that. You've probably been depressed for awhile now, no? So start while we are under the influence of the "new moon" phase and realize you are a free bird as well and now it's time to enjoy the rest of your life even it it's without him. It actually might be better for you (as painful as it seems) but you are no longer in a detrimental or dysfunctional relationship...you have the opprotunity to shine now. Shine baby! Shine!! Good luck. And be strong!

Answer 2

By knowing it's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship. Were there no signs that things were going sour? It's hard to believe someone would walk out after 15 years if everything was great in the relationship. He might have done you a favor. Now you can live for yourself for a while. And when you are ready, you may find a person who can show you what a REAL partnership should be like. I did. After 2 divorces, I was ready to stay single for the rest of my life. Then I met the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. It's worth all the pain that came before. Just realize your life is not over, only a small part of it.

Answer 3

I'm sorry. However if this man has not had the ability to form some type of open communications with a wife of 15 years than something is terribly wrong. yet he finds it necessary to go to an outsider to discuss his marriage...and probably divuldge some of your most personal and intimate moments...to try and see why the marriage doesn't work (now).
"Has to be alone to work out these issues". My a**! He ain't gonna be alone. I would be willing to put money on that. You, my dear....will have some tough times ahead emotionally. However..lemme tell you how it will go...and you can take this to the bank. First...you'll be upset...probably try anything and everything to get him back and make it work. Then...when you come to the conclusion that it will not work..or find the young squeeze his playing footsie with...then anger replaces feeling sorry for yourself.
Heh, heh....I laugh because he hasn't a damn clue as to whats coming down the pike. So...screw him. You will find you're better off without.
After 22 years of marriage I've had my ups and downs. I'm sure my wife will attest to the same. however...we always talked. Concession or reaching an agreement satisfactory to both of us always worked out.
He just doesn't want it to work. Oh...and moving out only gives you a taste of independence. Chances are...and sorry for being blunt...he won't be coming back.
I'd say start looking for a real shark of a divorce attorney. Cover all your bases before you find he's cleaned out the bank accounts and raped you (metaphorically speaking of course)

Answer 4

My first marriage ended after sixteen years also, he walked out one night and three days later, we called the police and filed a missing persons report.
I knew that the marriage was over long before this had happened, and chances are you did too, the initial shock of someone familiar in your life not walking through the door at night comes as a shock in the beginning, fifteen years is a long time to share your life with someone.
Hold your head up, call a girlfriend, get out and do something for yourself, let him work out his own issues, meanwhile, you need to maintain your self respect. Good things will happen to you if you allow them to.

Answer 5

I'm very sorry to hear about that. I've never had that happen to me but my advice to you is this. Why don't you use this opportunity to re-evaluate yourself, your marriage and your life and know that whatever happens, happened for a reason and that you will be fine. Talk to your Husband when he's ready and find out what can be done to save your marriage if you want. Keep your head up high and know that you will be fine and that whatever happens, it's probably for the best. Lots of luck to you and I hope everything works out.

Answer 6

Stay strong my thinking about your self you future. I don't know if you guys have kids but if you do then you have to, have to stay strong for them, cuz they're gonna hurt too. If you don't then you have to think that life goes on it doesn't pause for anything. You must think that things happen for a reason, if it wasn't meant to be then it's probably best for both of you to move on with your lives and try to be happy, because apparently being together isn't creating a happy environment. It's gonna be hard after 5 years but again, it's for a reason and probably for the best. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Something must be in the air today - I too am from Canada and just this morning told my husband of 21 years that I did not like him anymore - do not want to be his life partner and want out of our marriage. Focus on yourself and what makes you feel good, only you can control your emotions and your feelings and only you can make yourself change. Good luck, hope you have a good circle of friends.

Answer 8

Maybe you would need to go get help also but just keep your head high and not worring about him is some thing you could do. Its hard to tell you how to stay strong becasue thats something you have to do for yourself, just try to stay active so you wont have much time to stress yourself out. Good Luck:)

Answer 9

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Do you have any friends that you can call? Or family that you can stay with or have them stay with you for a little while?
Surround yourself with people who love and care about you.
In a time like this, you sometimes have to lean on and pull from the strength of other people who care about you and the situation that you are in.
Again, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this tough time.
jturn68@yahoo.

Answer 10

This is something that I dealt with 4 years ago. Take a step back, sit and cry till you cant. Then pray, I mean cry out to Jesus like you never have before. Find someone to listen to you and pray with you. Let your husband know that when he is ready to talk, you are ready to listen. He may have issues that he has been keeping to himself for quite some time. If you love someone, really love them, you tell them and let them go. If he comes back, he's truly yours. I will pray for you & if you need someone to vent to, my email, [e-mail]