OK...Now's the time to please ME!!?

Question

Ok, here is how this situation works:
Suprise me, shock me, I don't care, just do something to impress me or keep me occupied and the answer that does the best job wins!! Tootles!!

Answer 1

as a child in the midwest, I was raised by parents for 6 years before being sold to a group a carney's (you know, carnival folk) in a exchange for a malfunctioning bumper car (Dad had a great dream of opening his own bumper car arena, and I guess I was just in the way). Along the way, I learned many tricks of the carnival trade, like why the goldfish you win die the next day, and how to proper bait and swindle a fair-goer.

My greatest achievement, though, came when I was 16. I was learning how to juggle chainsaws. It took a while to master, but once I could do it, there was no stopping me. I could juggle them on a unicycle, or with my eyes closed like it was nobody's business. My life in the fast lane came to screeching halt when I tried to juggle burning chainsaws while standing on the roof of a moving car. unfortunately, I took the forward motion of the car for granted and I lost my enitre left and and 3/5 of my right in the process. I only have two fingers to type with now, and one of them is a thumb, so please excuse my speeling erros.

Answer 2

Have a go at this Molliey: Think of the largest tree in your neighbourhood, or better still look at it. Guess how old it is. Now imagine when the seedling began to grow. What did it see in its first year, it's tenth, it's fifthieth, and so on. Most large trees are up to 300 years old. So you had to go back to 1700. Now and this is the interesting part. Imagine a sapling growing today. What will it see in ten, fifteen, twenty, etc., to 300 years time. It can be fascinating. Here is one I did on an Old Oak on our village Green here in Essex, UK:

The Old Oak.

See the old oak on the village green,
For three hundred years it has been
Standing sentry as the world passed by,
Saw poor men born and great men die.

The simple acorn where it lay,
Buried in autumn by the Jay,
For winter food when snows abound,
Left, forgotten in the ground.

In year one, it was one foot high,
Fighting, reaching for the sky.
The sheep that ate the short sweet grass,
Grazed around it, left it fast.

Five years after its life began,
Now as tall as a grown man,
Many saplings from nearby,
Wither, dry and sadly die.

At twenty years it was twenty feet,
Now a tree, almost complete,
It was a feature on the green,
From a distance, could be seen.

Children who had watched it grow,
Were fathers, mothers, married now ,
Some were taken, in their prime,
Many years before their time.

Others to the wars had gone,
Noble causes to be won,
Some returned, limbs astray,
Others buried where they lay.

Kings and Queens came and went,
In a twinkling, their time was spent,
Dictators too, came one by one,
Just like mortals, they too are gone.

The train that passed, oozing steam,
Shocked the tree, from out its dream,
Infernal engines, soon the car,
Rolled on by to places far.

The aeroplanes, the early flight,
Now fly past, both day and night,
Taking people to distant places,
Bringing back, so many races.

Houses by the green were built,
All around trash and filth,
Peace and quiet, no longer known,
Courtesies, no longer shown.

Why must the past be undone,
Where is the happiness, where is the fun?
Life will never be the same,
Yet what is life, nought but a game.

Three hundred years, have gone so fast,
But all that now is in the past,
The sapling growing by its bough,
Is the future, its time is now.

In its life, what shall it see?
So much more than the old tree,
But unless man shall contrive,
He and it shall ne’er survive.

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Answer 3

I am looking in your window right now, and boy are you hot. I would like to suprise or shock you, but at your young and tender age, I don't want to ruin you for other men.

Answer 4

BOO!

Did I get ya?

Seriously, you're asking for it from the freaks with a question like this.

Answer 5

If only you could ask a question...........