Abuse or not?

Question

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. (I will keep the subject of the argument confidential).I questioned something he had said and he thought I was insenuating something that I was not. (Although what he thought I was insenuating was very harsh). This made him so mad.( I could see where it would've if that had been the case). He told me to shut up and get out of his room. So, I decided I would just leave. I was picking up my clothes I had left in the floor so I could get dressed and leave. He asked what I was doing and I ignored him. I was just going to get my stuff and go. He continued to ask what I was doing. I continued to ignore him. He told me to shut-up and get out of his room right? Yes, so that was what I was doing. He grabbed and and threw me out of his room. I don't know if I should be worried about this or not. I know what he thought I was insenuating about him was awful. But I feel like he should have asked if that's what I was saying before he grabbed me. Abuse or not?

Answer 1

Abuse! Doesn't matter what he's mad about he should not be aggressive toward you in any way. He should be the guy who protects you the most in the world, you should always feel that even in an argument you are safe.

Answer 2

It really doesnt matter what the argument was sweetheart. Men dont shove women where I come from. Women can say some cruel thinngs theres no doubt about it so can men. Usually in the heat of an argument the person cant even remember what they said 15 minutes later, anger is aweful, jealous is a mojor component and may have been here. Regardless my dear, if you stay with this one, chances are you`ll be a battered woman down the road, especially now that a shove or pushing has taken place ,, it reveals there is the capacity to do it, and it gets easier each time afterwards to do it again and harder the next time.
Run while you are able!

Answer 3

I'm not sure if he's normally physical or not, but he was a little rough with you so that's not exactly the best of things and maybe a few warning bells should be going off rightfully at this point in time. Perhaps you should have told him that you weren't insinuating whatever he thought you were and the whole matter could have been avoided. But it's happened, so focus on straightening matters out, let him know that you were misunderstood and see how things go from there. If he lays hands on you again, no matter under what circumstances, leave him because who knows what he will do after he's shoved you. Good luck.

Answer 4

You should have made it clear that you wasn't accusing him of whatever it was, but I know sometimes that's very hard to do when someones mad. Yes, him throwing you out his room was abuse. Although he didn't physically hit you---it is still abuse. I have been in abusive relationships (i mean REALLY abusive). Sometimes I stayed for a little while, sometimes I didn't. It's stupid to stay with someone who abuses you, so if you think it's gonna get worse, or if you think it could, leave now! I know how hard it is to leave someone you love, but you have to love YOURSELF first! Noone deserves to be treated like that. I don't know the extent of the situation, you do, so just use your own judgement, your own instinct to decide what to do. Think about how long you have know him and how many times he has acted violent towards you. Has somehting happened to him as a child? Most of the time, acts of violence come from anger bottled up from something that happened to the person as a child (seeing abuse, going through abuse, etc.) Just be careful with him. And I am gonna tell you right now, if you let him abuse you once, it is going to keep happening. He will keep doing it because he will think it is ok. Try talking to him about it and working things out, let him know where you stand on what happened and how you truly feel about it. Let him know that if it happens again, you will leave his a**. And if it happens again, do JUST THAT-leave him! If not, you will go through the same thing over and over until it gets to the point to where you think you are going to kill him or he is going to kill you. That's too far. Don't let it get to that. Please, take it from me, you don't think it's possible, but, believe me, IT IS!
BE CAREFUL AND GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

You must have said something pretty bad for him to react like that. Basically, the way it sounds to me is that you insenuated something awful and then wonder why he forcibly removed you. Did you apologise when you realised your mistake? There are men like him and indeed myself who would never lay a finger on a woman unless he was given good reason to. I'd forget about trying to figure out if its abuse or not and start looking at what caused him to react like this. I presume it was something he was passionate about or cared about and these two things are sometimes underestimated in a man, it can make him do strange things. In effect, to answer your question, this was a relatively moderate amount of abuse, yes. But it wasn't unprovoked was it? You say "But I feel like he should have asked if that's what I was saying before he grabbed me." If you hadn't apologised for what you insenuated or said something bad enough, he probably just automatically locked up and did not want to hear anything you had to say after that because you stepped across some boundary line he had. I would suggest leaving him to cool off for a period which you think is suitable, depending on what the fight was about, i would say about a day or 2. Then approach him. Try to discuss in a calm manner about what made him click, apologise and then if you feel its the time and place, try to find out why he reacted in this way and make sure to be careful in future, if its a thing the two of you have a future. If it was me, i would wait until my partner is calmed down some bit and then talk with them.

Answer 6

I would say it's abuse. He's certainly controlling and I'm sure there's other instances like this that have gone on...especially if you got to the point of writing it somewhere. I'd say if you have any suspicions about him, then maybe you should think again about staying with him before anything gets worse. He definitely stepped over your boundry line and shouldn't have even touched you if you both were in a situation like that. Usually in situations like that the other person just puts up with it and then it goes on for a while because they both are depending on each other for well being and then they can never get out of the abusive situation. Now that may or may not be your case, but I think that you should think about it considering you have something to be suspicious about and he got so mad, because maybe you called him on it, and he physically did something to you.

Answer 7

Yes, of course it is abuse if an argument leads to a physical confrontation. It may be easy to forgive him because it was done in the heat of an argument, but if you let it slide it becomes acceptable behavior and who knows how far he'll push it the next time.

As for what to do is completely up to you. I would get out while the getting out is good, but if you do not I would recommend that you make him seek help for his anger issues.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I don't know how old you are, but you need to realize that men hate to be ignored. Even though he told you to shut up and get out of his room, he wanted to know what you were doing when you were getting your things together. He grabbed you and shoved you out of the room, that is abuse. You need to ask yourself, "Do I really want to take the chance of making him angry again"? Even though you might not have done anything wrong, he seems like he would blame you anyway. You need to examine your relationship and remember this incident.

Answer 9

I have been married 16 years and never pushed grabbed or much less hit out of anger my wife. I believe that when a man physically handles an argument with his partner, he has lost respect for that person and it will get worse not better. If I were you I would apologize for your insinuation's, but let him know that if he ever, ever touches you while angry, the realtionship is over. That should let him know that for no reason will you allow him to manhandle you.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 10

Yes. Noone should touch another person in anger. And YES, it is DEFINITELY a red flag of what is to come. Run like hell in the opposite direction. I've been there - had a girlfriend that felt like she had to shove the hell out of me everytime we got into an argument. One time she pushed me in the bathroom, and I went ahead and fell down to show her that this could be serious. Well, I bumped my head on the toilet and was out cold for a few minutes. The next time she shoved me after that, I left. Best decision I ever made.