How does someone who says they love you cheat?

Question

I have been married for nearly 15 years... to a kind, gentle, loving man. He told me so many times that he loved me, would never leave me or his children, would always take care of us. Then, last year, him and his dad restored this corvette. He got a new haircut, started dressing trendier and then low and behold, he's seeing someone.

I had always told myself that I would never let a man cheat on me, I would break-up/divorce him right away, but with him, I have always been willing to forgive. This whole thing is just heartwrenching. He filed for divorce nearly 4 months ago and since we have so much financial stuff to work out, it's taking forever for the divorce to be final. He has practically moved in with his new g/f and her 4 kids; treats them to dinner, little trips and so forth while the kids and I struggle to make sense of all of this.

I feel like I have nobody, both of my parents have passed and my 2 best friends have no experience with divorce. What do I do?

Additionally, I know for a fact that he helped to buy her a vehicle, has paid her rent on more than one occasion but lies to me about all of it. I guess I just don't understand how people can cheat. Don't marriage vows mean anything anymore? Promises that were made weren't made to be broken. I suppose I'm just devestated. I work on a totally different level. I'm loyal to a fault, honest, trusthworthy and when I say I love someone, I make dang sure it's unconditional and forever. It's a shame that someone you've given 16 years of your life to turns out to be a complete stranger.

Answer 1

Sorry to say this but you need to leave him. Its better to be alone than with someone who cant be honest with you.

Answer 2

If he wants the divorce there really isn't much you can do about it, though in the meantime, it might be best if he didn't live there. Work out settlements with your lawyers, not each other. He's going to leave anyway and you're just forestalling the inevitable by letting him stay. You won't start healing until he's gone. If he's "practically moved in with his new g/f" then let him move all the way. Tell him to remove his stuff or put it out on the lawn for him.

It will hurt and it will be hard... but it's going to happen and you know this. You'll be fine in time, believe me. Many women have started over again and made even better lives for themselves and their children. It won't seem this way at first, but it will happen.

Answer 3

Unfortunately your husband has made the decision to divorce. Seems like a bad case of mid life crisis and something more. He is an idiot to ignore his children even if he is divorcing as they are the ones that suffer most.

This is a time you need to fight for your family and have a good divorce attorney. Be sure you and the children are provided for and they have an opportunity to go to college.

The man did not give you the chance to reconcile and has made up his mind you need to move on and seek professional therapy for you and the children to cope. Your friends may not have had a divorce, but they can be there for moral support.

Good luck.

Answer 4

well...first off, he has made his choice and it really is true that what goes around comes around and when he least expects it his choice will come back to bite him in the a$$ in a big,big way. i agree with one of the other answerers that you need to get alimony and child support because from what i read it sounds like if you don't go through the court to get it, he will probably never give it to you. there is no reason that you and your children should go without. you have invested so much of your life with this man and to just let it all go is not an option. YOU and YOUR CHILDREN deserve the best. he needs to understand that he just cant drop his family for a new one, it don't work that way. just know that you aren't put through anything that you cant handle and i feel that you are gonna make it out of this the bigger and better person.

Answer 5

I can't imagine how you must feel right now... My mother has a simular situation. I hope you can move on from this because my mother used to be so positive and sweet and now she is very bitter and talks trash about my father, however, I know she has every right to feel this way. However, being a kid is this situation is very hard. You want to remain loyal and feel torn between both parents. So from what I went through please be strong for your children and remain focused on them and how much they love you and they NEED you. I am older now, but I still feel like that my father made a huge mistake and will eventually see that some day. However, my best advice I can give is to stay stong and realize that this too will pass... Plus karma is a *****. Good Luck.

Answer 6

First let me tip my hat to you. You have gotten this far and managed to maintain your sanity. Only god knows why men do the things they do. Listen, no amount of advice is going to make you feel better. This is a messy subject and your going to have to buckel down and stay strong for your kids. The only thing I can say to ya is Karma always wins in the end. He will get his with interest. It is a damn shame that marriage is not what it used to be, back in the day when you got hitched you were partners forever literally, I think the world was so much better that way. People were less willing to just jump into a marriage back then, nowadays you can just fly away to vegas and be married within hours. Stay strong and have faith in god.

Answer 7

your girlfriends don't have to have any experience Hun, just listen and give out the best advice they can , and be there for you to yell or scream and cry, sometimes saying nothing is best, just let them listen to you vent. no one has any magic wand they can wave to make all this hurt go away i am afraid. it happens and we have to deal with it in the best way we can. he has moved on and I am afraid you have to also, make sure he doesn't move on from your kids though OK, he has responsibilities towards them and not just financial. they need his love to as well as his new family. You now have to accept this is over and start making a life for you and your children. it takes time to pick yourself up Hun I know, i have been there, but it does happen and you will be a much stronger person for it too. Keep your kids in a routine, offer them all the love and stability you can. have a family meeting once a week on a Friday, this gives them a chance to tell you what is happening in their minds and them to hear how you are doing. It really does help.Tell them its a no rules meeting, they can say anything with no fear of repercussions. this way they can really empty there minds and you will know what they are really feeling.Communication is key. kids need to know whats going on. you need to take care of you, once the divorce is over and final you can make a clean start.

Answer 8

That awful..I feel for you..Okay, cheer up..Buy some new clothes..Get yourself a makeover..Work out everyday.. Starting now..Just run up and down the stairs for 10 minutes ..set the timer on your stove..do this 3 times a day..Then add walking..and lifting light weights..but gradually exercising should be fun..Start smiling and say I am a woman I can handle anything..Be sure to roll your eyes and laugh at your dumb ex husband who is living with 4 rotten step kids lol..Life will turn and come your way, plus He committed adultery ..The judge will grant you all.. God bless and go to church, You may meet a real nice guy there ..Good Luck

Answer 9

There are so many details we don't know, and rightfully so...it is none of our business. He appears selfish to his own desires, and lacks the ability to commit to his marital vows.
Whatever the differences between you two, committment is a choice, and now he is choosing to renig.

Your brain is like a cup, it only holds so much. Put a cup on the counter, and pour water into it from a larger cup. Once the counter cup is full to its capacity, it runs over...making a big mess, and a bigger one if the source is not altered.

Please understand, it is so much easier for me to tell you something, or anything, than it is to live it, so I do not begin to feel exactly what you do, but now it is your turn to make a choice.

As much as you may still love him, you now have to take a stance to protect the sanity you have left, and protect those kids, this by showing a strength beyond your means. Stability. Give them something to hold onto, something to prop them up through all this.

And you, where are YOU supposed to get YOUR strength, in order to be strong for your kids...and yourself???

From Jesus, of course. I hope you have a bible believing church by you, I hope you go there. But please let God minister to you in all of this, and allow people who love God to love you, and surround you with their care.

God Bless you, and your kids.

Answer 10

Easy, he wasn't in Love with you anymore. There is a difference. You need to get on with your life now. Go find a new guy. I know some people can be unreasonable when it comes to money and assets. But the sooner your divorced the sooner you'll be happy. Try to come to some agreement about your finances and move on quickly.That's my rational advice.Emotionally , I would nail him to the wall and get every penny out of that lying,cheating Dick Head.

Answer 11

get what you deserve from him through the divorce. then forgive and forget, forget all about him and move on with your life. if you do that you can be happy again and help your kids heal through this split. He is selfish for not thinking about his family first and just about his own happiness. that's your first step, you know he does't care so why waste your emotions and energy on him. once you ALLOW (it's your choice to be happy or miserable) yourself to start over, things will fall into place. pray for strength and thank God that you have an opportunity to better yourself, don't look at it as losing something. you gain when you learn from this and turn it into a good change for yourself. keep your head up high. good luck....