Hi all, I need help because I am at a crossroad here. I have a boyfriend that I have been in an intimate relationship over 2 years.
I think I found my husband, no I know know I found him. But we are having problems in the friend department. I have some friends that I have been cool with for a year or so....co-workers.
I am glad were are friends because I really didnt have too many.
We hang alot and have fun. But my boyfriend is from my hometown but he works out of state but not too far because we can drive back and forth to see each other, which we have. But he doesnt like the fact that my friends are single and they go out alot he thinks they dont respect our relationship, he doesnt mind us goin out but he doesnt like that we go bar-hopping, he says we should do something else. Because of his work I see him 2 or 3 times a month. I dont like how he wants all of my attention when he comes home even if I want to do something with my friends. Continuing on next line!!!
2006-09-19 03:29:28 · 12 answers · asked by trulynluv06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He thinks that my girls should understand that I am in a relationship and that I shouldnt do certain things that they do because they are single. I agree but I like my friends and he seems a bit controlling or are his request just things I should be abiding by? To sum it up he feels he should be put first before my friends because we are in a serious relationship.
What should I do?
2006-09-19 03:29:51 · update #1
You only see him 2-3 times a month...I think it would be nice of you to make some time for him.
2006-09-19 03:33:17 · answer #1 · answered by hello 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't get to see him often so I can understand him wanting your attention and wanting you to put him first. I kinda agree with him. When you are in a relationship, you cannot participate in the same things that your single friends do. Bar hopping would be inappropriate for a person whose in a relationship. Certainly there are other things you can do to spend time with your friends. If my b/f was bar hopping, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either. It all about having respect for your relationship and for your b/f. If he doesn't feel comfortable with you bar hopping and gives you valid reasons as to why, I would hear him out and respect his wishes. It's just inappropriate.
2006-09-19 10:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by melcar12345 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your girlfriends are really true to you, they will understand how your boyfriend feels and respect his wishes. I'll bet if they had a main squeeze you'd be like history. If you really believe you're "attached" right now, why do you have to bar hop? Isn't there something else you and the girls could do that "fun" and stay away from the troughs?
This decision is an easy one, are you single or committed?
2006-09-19 10:36:39 · answer #3 · answered by zlata 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So... hang out with him the days you see him. There aren't many, so I would asssume that's what you would want to do. When he's away have some fun with the girls. I don't see anything wrong with bar-hopping so long as you're faithful. If that's what he's worried about, maybe the topic should be brought up. If you two are planning on getting married someday, the man has to be able to trust you, and I don't think he is right now...
2006-09-19 10:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by brookesinger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are. You need to make a choice to put your relationship with this man (who you say is the one for you) as a priority in your life. If you see him only a few times a month, he does deserve all of your attention on those days. Additionally, it does not sound like he is attacking your friendships but rather voicing honest concerns about the time you spend with friends. Listen to his reasoning and try to understand where he is coming from. He obviously doesn't want you not to have friends, but wants to know that you respect and value your relationship with him.
You need to sit down and think about what is really important in your life. If he is important to you, you need to start behaving accordingly.
2006-09-19 10:33:23 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you are being selfish, but that may be a good thing. It may mean you are not ready to commit to the type of relationship your boyfriend wants. Your true feelings tend to come out in your actions and if you want to spend time with your friends even when you see him for only 2 or 3 times a month, that says something loud and clear, to him anyway. I believe you have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest to him. Do you think you are being selfish?
2006-09-19 10:37:24 · answer #6 · answered by jt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to learn to trust you, no matter what you choose to do with your friends. as long as you are not going out there looking then he shouldn't have a problem. your friends are single, not you. but, having said that, how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?? meaning, would you want him going out with single buddies bar hopping and checking out women??
You have to consider his feelings too in this. just tell him that he is the one you want and you dont want to have to stay home on your own all the time while he isnt around and when he is around, spend time with just him. your friends will understand and if they dont........ then wonder about your friends, you dont get to see him too much, they should'nt expect you to hang with them when he is in town.
2006-09-19 10:35:40 · answer #7 · answered by Debbie H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you see him 2-3 times a month can you blame him for wanting to spend all the time together? I mean if the tables were reversed what would you do? If he was club hopping and you went to see him and he wanted to hang with his friends, what would you do?
In all honesty, if you're in a relationship you shouldn't be club hopping at all. It causes doubt in the relationship, and doubt can kill any healty strong relationship.
2006-09-19 10:33:35 · answer #8 · answered by The First 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I dont like how he wants all of my attention when he comes home even if I want to do something with my friends. " That is pretty selfish actually. Yo only see him 2-3 times a month, you should spending the time youd o have with him, and not your friends. I would feel the same actually if my boyfriend was going to the bars with his single guy friends.........unless he took me with him, its common courtesy. You need to respect his feelings, and compromise.
2006-09-19 10:33:05 · answer #9 · answered by Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I kind of have to agree with your boyfriend. A bar is not a place for anyone but singles who are looking,otherwise its just trouble waiting to happen. I'm sure you can find other things to do with them. If not maybe your really not ready to settle down.
2006-09-19 10:34:54 · answer #10 · answered by Lynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋