My wife does not show love but she says she loves me. She said she does not want a divorce but acts like we are just friends. Whenever I want to express my love to her, she is not receptive. I feel like just a house mate. Any thoughts?
2006-09-19 03:28:45 · 26 answers · asked by maf20057 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you for your answers. I must mention that I do not expect sex ALL the time. I have stopped being myself in showing her affection because I feel stupid expressing affection and get no reception 95% of the time. I do little things for her, help with the children, cleaning the house, keep up the outside. We go to the movies, dinner and their stilll seems to be a wall in between us. I even write little notes and try to hold her at night/morning, hugs and kisses(not on the check) and she thinks I am overly affectionate. I am trying but am starting to feel used!
2006-09-19 04:35:44 · update #1
Have you suggested seeing a therapist and also maybe a medical Doctor? I have heard of cases where it is a chemical problem, that could mean sociological or hormonal. Your wife may have just lost the desire to show intimacy and it may have nothing to do with how she feels about you or your marriage. Wish you luck hope everything works out for you!!.
2006-09-19 03:42:40 · answer #1 · answered by SANCY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By saying you want to express your love for her you mean have sex with her right? Well I am here to tell you that it's not that easy. You have to start out slow with women and I dont mean foreplay. Flowers unexpectedly, holding hands for no reason, a compliment on how she looks, going out to dinner once in a while. And one of the sexiest things a man can do for a woman is to do something without being asked. Take out the garbage, do the dishes, put the kids to bed, do the laundry. She might not say anything at the time but by golly she will notice. ESPECIALLY if she doesnt have to nag you 50 times to do it or beg. Now THAT is a loving act to a woman and sexy as heck. So if you want a woman to love you..you have to make the effort and SHOW her you love her..not just want to jump her bones now and then.
2006-09-19 03:35:46 · answer #2 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I assume you are talking about the physical, i.e. sex.
You have to make sure that you are showing her the love and attention outside of the bedroom. You can't ignore her all day then expect her to turn on her drive just because you want it.
Start the day with a kiss goodbye before you leave for work. When you get home, talk to her. Pay her compliments. Be seductive with little touches in the spots you know she likes. Occasionally buy her gifts to show you care. Surprise her with a rose one day. Write her little love notes and leave them where she can easily find them. Send her a romantic email or card. Use your imagination here, it's up to you. Whatever you did in the dating process worked, so do it again. After several years of marriage, sometimes one spouse just stops trying to make the other happy. It's not a given that she will be receptive to your advances. You have to make her want it as much as you do.
Then when you get to the bedroom, make sure you are spending plenty of time on foreplay. If she isn't getting as much pleasure as you, she won't be willing to do it again. You have to bring her to her peak so that she knows that sex isn't about your desires only. The more attention you pay to her needs, the more willing she will be to have sex.
If your best efforts fail, it's time for counseling. There is something going on here that is deeper that lust. Talk to a professional or someone who is trained to handle marital problems, like a clergy member or therapist.
2006-09-19 03:40:06 · answer #3 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, she is a lucky women and doesn't even know it! I would feel the same way as you do if I were in your position. You really need to tell her how you feel. I mean REALLY tell her how you feel. Get it all out in the open. It may change things, it may not, but open communication is important. I know there are some people out there who can't show their emotions very well and don't accept it well. Has she always been this way or has things changed with her during the years of marriage? Good luck, I hope you get through to her.
2006-09-19 06:22:51 · answer #4 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest counseling for you both, but if she won't go, you need to, especially if you want to stay in the marriage. Some women lose their sex drive after having kids or reaching menopause so maybe it's something physical.
If after exploring if there are any physiological &/or physical reasons why she isn't receptive to you. I hate to say it but you have a couple of options, divorce...just remaining in the marriage and accepting your status as roommates only...or seeking affection outside the marriage (prostitutes, affairs).
2006-09-19 03:34:45 · answer #5 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone expresses love differently. I'm not affectionate with my husband (long story) but I show love other ways. I cook full home make, from scratch, meals 7 days a week complete with dessert. It's always foods he likes. When he's sick, I make home made soup for him. Think about some of the things your wife does for you.
2006-09-19 04:10:24 · answer #6 · answered by vitamin D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only other thing i can think of is try to give her some space (carfule that she dont think you are ignoring her) mabe you are giving her anough attantion so in return she does not have to seek it from you and that is what you want her to grab your hand give you the kiss so give her a few minnets when you are about to hold her hand going in to the store you might be suprized when she grabes your hand if not then take her hand i hope you get what i am saying i am the same way with my boyfriend if he leaves me alone for a day or to then i am all over him trying to get him but he also has bad timing like when im doing the dishes and i would rather do them then cuddle
2006-09-19 07:16:36 · answer #7 · answered by ceaira911 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My thoughts to you is why don't you tell her what you're telling us. That, she acts like the two of you are just friends and doesn't express her feelings.
Inform her that loving someone isn't just saying the words, it takes "proof of purchase". Just because someone says they love you doesn't mean you'll feel it. I feel my fiancee loves me because he shows it with affection and joy.
If she continues to act this way, seek marriage counseling. Hopefully a professional can get you two the help you need to save your marriage.
2006-09-19 03:31:36 · answer #8 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question. Your wife says she loves you but doesn't show it. There is only one way to prove that you love someone and that is to show it. Sounds like she might not be in love with you anymore. You should seek a marriage counselor.
Good luck.
2006-09-19 03:34:05 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was the same way with my husband for a very long time...I didn't have the guts to say the truth for a while, now I'm getting a divorce...sorry....but that dosn't mean thats her either, it's just how I was feeling.
2006-09-19 03:31:32 · answer #10 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋