My husband of 8 yrs cheated on me he said it was one of his customers and he told me he was sorry I forgave him but it haunts me all the time he is very sweet to me and treats me good he always has but I cant forget what happened I need some help dealing with this what should I do?
2006-09-19 02:57:25 · 21 answers · asked by salvic1017 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Therapy and time.But when someone cheats there isalways that lingering damage.
2006-09-19 02:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't go away. It may fade in time but it will never go away. You will spend the rest of your life with a man you KNOW cheated on you. That's the burdon he put on you. You will always know it, you will always feel cheated by it. It will affect your relationship with him for as long as you both live. This is one of the reasons why cheating is so wrong. Your marriage will never be the same again. Nothing will fix that. You just get used to it and learn that this is the way its going to be now. If you can't live with that, then your only other option is to divorce.
Or I suppose there is a third option, you can become delusional about the reality of what happened. Lots of women do that too.
Either way good luck. It will NEVER be easy.
Logic dictates that if he did it once, he could do it again. If he did it once that you know of, he could have done it other times that you don't know of. The only thing you know for sure is that men who cheat also lie. And some how with that knowlage, you have to have some kind of life together without making him miserable.
If you going to stay with him you can't tourture him about it. If you can't do that, file for divorce. Living with a man who you feel contempt for is not much of a life for either of you. At some point he will get tired of it and either leave you or cheat on you again or both.
Sorry but there is no magic pill that will make the real world go away and stay away. So if you chose to live with it, shut up and live with it and never complain again. Otherwise divorce and get it over with.
2006-09-19 10:22:08 · answer #2 · answered by john d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOw! thats always hard because if makes your feel like you are a no body. This is the only thing I can say, be positive in your actions and everything, how you say? Ok for some reason your husband cheated on your, for whatever the cost. and you say hes sweet and loving, and cares for you. thats always a good thing, hes cheating could have been just to close with a customer and thats it. But this what you can do to help you, spark that love back with him that you once had. and what i mean is, go on dates, romantic ones, send him a card to show him you love him, do little things for him like put letters on his pillow or in his briefcase or by something sexy and be waiting for him and home with it. You might say? but he cheated on me? why should I do this?
You forgave him right? then its time to heal, and by healing, means falling in love all over again, push away the past, and make sure your future is one that both of you will never forget, and do that by remembering why you married this man and why you fell in love with him,
2006-09-19 10:03:32 · answer #3 · answered by justwaitingtoleave 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are asking the wrong question. You are asking if anyone can recover from infidelity, when you should be asking yourself "Can I recover from infidelity?" The only person who can answer this is yourself. You are not alone in your situation. This is not the first time in history that a husband has cheated on his wife. I know, b/c it happened to me. And I know I can recover from the situation. Does that mean I forgive him? Yes. Does forgiving him mean that I have to stay with him? No. If I'm happier w/o him, then I'd leave, and I'm the only person who can make that decision.
You have many decisions to make, and you don't have to make them right away. But you should ask yourself. Am I willing to forgive him? And when I say forgive him, I mean forgive him for his transgression against you, AND to forget. Granted, there is no magic machine that will make you actually forget what happened, but you CAN make a conscious effort to never use it against him, or to make him feel guilty for what he has done. Truth is, he knows what he did was wrong, but above that (and more importantly) Heavenly Father knows your husband's heart, knows the sins that he has committed, and it will be Heavenly Father to pass judgment. As for us, we must forgive....but again, forgiving him doesn't mean that you have to stay in an unhappy relationship.
It takes time to forgive, no one says that you have to do it immediately. And you don't have to work through it by yourself, there are plenty of people who have experienced the same heartache that you have, there are counselors, and most of all, you should work through it with your husband.
It's wonderful that he is sweet to you and treats you well, but that doesn't make up for his infidelity. From here on out, he should want to do anything to make you happy, short of writing your name in the sky. That means if you need to talk about your disappointment, hurt, anger, etc. then he needs to do that until you are fully ready to forgive and forget what happened. And remember, no one says you have to do that today.
2006-09-19 10:27:43 · answer #4 · answered by Please use other door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people give that whole "trust" speech, I have to laugh. How the hell can you even begin to trust someone that has cheated on you??? How? Every little thing they say, every little thing they do, becomes cause for suspicion. The human heart is fragile, and infidelity is the ULTIMATE betrayel to your spouse.
I feel bad for you. Know this, it was not anything you did or said that caused him to do this. He was weak, selfish and stupid. That is all there is to it.
You can choose to stay, but only time will ease your pain. Don't ask for details from him. He cheated. That is all there is to know.
If you practice religion, go back and review its teachings on forgiveness. Please do this. In time you may be able to truly forgive him for what HE has done. And your rewards will be great.
I wish you the best. I know you are hurting. Remember, like I said, HE did this. It was not you. I you choose to stay with him, you will need to let this go. By your chaste behavior to this matter, he will feel more remorseful. If you harp on it and beat him up with it, he will not feel bad, he will use your angry retaliation for justification for what HE has done. I hope this helps you!!!
2006-09-19 10:07:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hurts greatly when the person you love cheats on you. But investigate the reason for the cheating. Were you never there for him? Are you a nag? Are you a bore in bed? Whatever the case might be, forgive him and move on afterall he has repented. If it still bothers you, go for counselling.
Girl, marriage is not a relationship where you can easily walk out. Is it worth it, leaving him? Pardon my old fashionness but think about it. It could be your turn tomorrow in as much as we try to claim to be saints.
Im not justifying his action but, let time heal your wounds. I was once cheated upon by my boyfie and my confidante and i went through psychological torture but at the end, we became friends.
2006-09-19 10:07:36 · answer #6 · answered by Banana Pie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how you can do it? I couldn't forgive my husband if he did that to me. I might be able to say I did, but I would never forget. Then if he was acting suspiciously I would always wonder if he was doing it again. It would always be in the back of my mind. For me trust is so important. In any marriage you have got have trust. If that trust is broken then what is left? If you are committed to stay with him even after this then all I can suggest is you find a way to let it go. I just don't see how you can. My prayers are with you!
2006-09-19 10:01:32 · answer #7 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look the christian thing to do is forgive him. The bible says forgive no forget. Your supposed to forgive because you don't want that burden of hate following you like a black cloud. But you always are supposed to remember so you will never allow yourself to be in that situation again. If you can live with it the by all means do so. But once you forgive him it's not fair to constantly remind him of his indiscretion. Trust me I've been there done that got the t-shirt. Good Luck! Pray about it.
2006-09-19 10:11:48 · answer #8 · answered by mickey's1girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know if you ever recover from something like that esp if you think your marriage was roses, I feel people cheat most of the time because of something lacking at home,
You can try therapy but I can imagine the feeling will ever go away
2006-09-19 10:08:09 · answer #9 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one ever gets over infidelity. The mere fact that she shared that intimacy with someone else is hard to forget. I was cheated on before and believe me, they will do it again. It's about sex and nothing more. You should seek a therapist and regain your self-esteem. You are better than that to have someone treat you this way. Good luck.
2006-09-19 10:03:58 · answer #10 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I could not go back to a cheating husband. The rule in my family is that if you cheat you end up six feet under with dirt in your face. There are no divorces in my family. Once a person cheats they will cheat again so why put up with it.
2006-09-19 10:01:35 · answer #11 · answered by nighttimewkr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋