I have been married for 5 years , my wife and i have had many problems . She was very possesive and jealous in the beginning . About a year a go we started going to a casino and lost around 30 thousand dollars . I got over gambling 6 month a go but she continued going until a month a go . Our sex life was almost non existent during this crazy gambling period. About 2 weeks a go i discovered she was cheating on me with another man . She has changed her apperance (new clothing , underware, perfum,) something she had forgotten due to the gambling addiction which took too much of her time . I am trying to work things out and nothing seems to work . She does not want to have sex with me, acts very cold , distant , critical . I am very sad and want her back since i still love her . Please help!
2006-09-19 02:33:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you should try some counseling......that may help....but thats only if shes willing to stay w/ you
2006-09-19 02:37:30 · answer #1 · answered by Bee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear. Seems you have many big problems here and you need to BOTH sit down and talk about them seriously. I'd suggest you get counselling for both the gambling addiction and the marriage problems.
She obviously has issues and she needs to be aware of them - the only person who can realise there is a problem is your wife - and it will need a lot of careful talking and listening on both your parts to resolve them ... if indeed she (or you for that matter) does want to resolve them.
Unfortunately you cannot undo the past and you will both have to start with clean slates ... no recriminations about either the gambling, the sex life or the cheating
Of course, there's always the possibility that she doesn't want to give up the gambling or the lover, in which case you'll be better off getting a divorce. At least then you can make a fresh start yourself.
2006-09-19 09:45:13 · answer #2 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you two need to have a serious talk. Try marriage counseling. Does she know that you know that she's cheating? It sounds like she already moved on. Something was missing in the marriage and that's when you two turned to gambling. What did you guys do before the gambling addiction? I would go and buy a card and some flowers and tell her that you would really like to talk. Ask her why she is cheating. Ask her if she would like to go to marriage counseling. Say if she's not happy that you two need to fix what's wrong. Talking is the only way to solve this matter. Good Luck!
2006-09-19 09:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have tried everything to save this marriage and she is still cold to you I think it is time to move on. Trying to get over a gambling addiction is stressful enough. But to try to heal a relationship that only one person wants to fix is even more stressful. Sounds like to me that she has already made up her mind. It will be hard at first but when you move on time will heal things. Go out an enjoy life again. Good luck.
2006-09-19 09:41:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Faults are high when love is thin. With the gambling issue, you have seen each other at your worst, she seems to be ready to move on and away from your relationship-letting her go might be your best course of action. If she is changing everything about herself and it's not for you-as you said she sends no favors your way...then it most assuredly is for someone else. She is already cheating on you...you should know by now when to cut your losses and step away from the table. The table in this case being your failed marriage. You can't force her to love you when she clearly has no want to do so. Best wishes to you.
2006-09-19 09:41:12 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you need to do is ask her to talk to you. Dont be angry or upset with her - just talk. Try to find out what problems she has with you and maybe try to work through them - dont get defensive though as it will cause arguments.
If you can talk calmly about your problems - what you need to ask is, is she with this other bloke for sex / friendship or is he giving her money for he gambling habit? Maybe she associates you with her gambling problem which is why she's become so cold now shes quit.
do what you can to talk things out but if she refuses or talking doesnt help then you just have to call it a day. If she is treating you this badly for no good reason then you have to ask yourself why put yourself through it?
2006-09-19 09:40:28 · answer #6 · answered by tspoonteddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may love her but is doesn't sound like she loves you. Why don't you try a trial separation for 6 months and then see how you feel. After 6 months if you still wanna be together get some consoling and if you don't file for divorce...no point in being in a loveless marriage.
2006-09-19 09:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by Greeneyed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough thing to over come....How long have you been married to her? any kids? these things are really important. Start paying attention to her. tell her you love her, try talking to her. If nothing works, ask her to give it one more chance and go straight to counseling. Im not sure if it can be saved or not. Two people need to want it. GOODLUCK!
2006-09-19 09:36:19 · answer #8 · answered by jess_n_flip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, it sounds like she has lost interest. If she is cheating, gambling etc etc, then why do you still want her?
You should move on and find a woman who will really care for you.
2006-09-19 09:36:40 · answer #9 · answered by Deb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to fall in love again. Do all the things you did before. Buy her flowers. Compliment her. Simply hold her without trying to have sex. Let it happen naturally. Speak from your heart. Thats about all you can do. If its meant to be, it will.
2006-09-19 09:42:06 · answer #10 · answered by batgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to marriage counselling. Seems like you're both hell bent on breaking up this marriage and the only way to save it is by getting professional help.
2006-09-19 09:38:57 · answer #11 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋