Can my marriage be saved ?

Question

I have been married for 5 years , my wife and i have had many problems . She was very possesive and jealous in the beginning . About a year a go we started going to a casino and lost around 30 thousand dollars . I got over gambling 6 month a go but she continued going until a month a go . Our sex life was almost non existent during this crazy gambling period. About 2 weeks a go i discovered she was cheating on me with another man . She has changed her apperance (new clothing , underware, perfum,) something she had forgotten due to the gambling addiction which took too much of her time . I am trying to work things out and nothing seems to work . She does not want to have sex with me, acts very cold , distant , critical . I am very sad and want her back since i still love her . Please help!

Answer 1

Beyond help . . .

Answer 2

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but me and my wife had a similar problem, as far as infidelity goes.We were christians who attended church most every time the doors were open. Then I got in a fight with her dad, who was the pastor. I quit going and so did she.Gradually I went back to my party lifestyle and she followed.We eventually fell into a swinger life style.I know this shocks a lot of folks.This led to nothing but problems. My wife ultimately hooked up with another man and left.About a year latter I bought her a wedding ring, which she'd never had before and she came back, but it didn't last. Before I knew it she left again.I thought our lives were over and I didn't know what to do.I went to a convention that featured a prominent religous person I'll not mention and when I came home I got a call from a guy that had a christian band whom I had done some audio work for in the past.I was telling about where I had been,not mentioning my maritial situation.He said he'd been there also but the place was so packed we didn't see one another.He recommended that I start listening to Kenneth Copeland. I told him I never much liked the guy, but come to think of it, had never honetly listened to him long enough to really have an opinion. So I told him, on his word, I would listen to him for two weeks, no matter what he had to say. I figured by that time,I'd have enough of him and turn him off for good.I learned more about where I'd been missing it all those years while in church than from anybody else.I learned about what faith, really is, and how to stay in fath when everything else says to you, give up.I sure don't have time or space here to go into all the details of the true principles of faith. But after almost three years, my wife came home. Broken, ashamed, and afraid.But I'd knew in advance she was coming. I greeted her with open arms.We cried, held each other and said a lot of I'm sorries.God has restored our marriage and our love for one another. It's as if none of this had ever happened. Honestly, I didn't want to write this, but I felt I had too.This isn't a ploy, or some game, and I believe you know this. If your serious about getting her back and don't care how long it takes, Turn to the one who really knows how to. "Fix Things".

Answer 3

You don't need to "educate" her as if she is a dog!!! first of all, your current situation must me the consequence of something... what has been happening between you two?? haven't you tried to consider that she must be even less satisfied than you are?? you are thinking just about "fingering" and stuff like that when maybe the source of the problem is communication?, empathy? and understanding??? anything else Beyond the mere sexual act? And don't even try to take this situation as an excuse and cheat on your wife now!! That would very selfish and even immature for a man of your age... Try to listen what she has to say and DON'T JUDGE her of having traditional thoughts... im sure there's a lot to save in in your marriage, even more after 22 years!!!!! Good luck and sorry If I spoke strongly but men sometimes are so thoughtless....

Answer 4

any addiction is a bad thing no matter what it is. the fact that she has an addiction means she is lacking something in her life that she is trying to replace, first with gambling now with another man. people make the mistake of thinking the grass is greener on the other side, its not its just different. jealousy you mentioned was an earlier issue, Jealousy is a sign of her own insecurities so she needs to address that along with her other addiction. There is I am afraid not a lot you can do until she accepts she needs help. I take my hat of to you for standing by her but she needs to make a choice, if her choice is to deny there is a problem then until she does there is nothing you can do, you have to move on and take solace in the fact that you tried. If she accepts the help then love her and support her all you can. good luck

Answer 5

I'm sorry to have to inform you of this, but it sounds like your wife isn't in love with you anymore. Once a woman or a man crossed the line and invites another person into the "bed", that is pretty much the end of it. My advice to you is to talk to a therapist. He will help you with your self-esteem and remind you that you can find love again and be very happy. You said yourself there were many problems in your marriage. Sounds like it's time to end it and move on. Once the love goes, the relationship is pretty much over.

Answer 6

After what I have read I would say that to make your marriage work you will have to try really hard.
You could try a relationships counsiller and see if anything can be sorted out there.
Also, buy her flowers, compliment her new look, you could also plan a romantic night out just the two of you, a night to remember.
Also if you have kids, think of them, you dont want to put them through anything critical, so get determined for their sakes.

Answer 7

Well, I respect for you for wanting to save your marriage. But it is UNACCEPTABLE for her to have an affair.

Once a cheater = always a cheater.

I think you should divorce her.

The ONLY way I would stay with someone who cheated on me would be if she would commit to going to christian counselor .. if she wont do that - tell her to pack her bags and GET OUT.

Answer 8

You obviously deserve a more faithful spouse. You can't force someone to love you. Sounds like you'll have to cut your losses and break free. Sorry, man. :(

Answer 9

seems like a very tough situation.. i'm not sure really what you should do but it sounds like your wife is in a different place then you..

perhaps you need to talk with her about the problems and see what she wants to do to figure them out

Answer 10

i feel bad for you you should get out now its not going to work out she wants someone with a lot of money to feed her gambling and if you don't have the money she is finding someone who has better go now she won't you hope this sorry pal

Answer 11

its going to take some time and patience.remember that everything happens for a reason.so if it hurts you more than it humbles you,you don't need it.