"Cruel and inhuman" was the reasons. My friend pretty much supported her husband for over 6 years. He is disabled. But he has a mean jealous streak. Never hit her, but was very VERY verbally abusive. She couldn't take it anymore. So she asked for a seperation and he refused. He moved out. Now she gets filed for divorce papers... exactly the opposite of what she wanted to happen. She wanted to just split, seperate and be done with it like civilized people and now SHE is getting screwed! Any help would be greatly appreciated!
2006-09-19 01:48:43 · 11 answers · asked by buccaroooo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ADDED: The point is, in NY state you can file for seperation and in one year get a divorce WITHOUT lawyers, just a fee and you are divorced. She just wanted to do that, but now he has gone over board and filed for divorce. I mean I have known her forever and she has been an EXTREMELY patient person, and was a loving wife. He had all teh issues, and now she is getting SCREWED. Thanks for any help!
2006-09-19 02:00:06 · update #1
I agree with the two above that she needs an attorney. Also, tell her to get as many witness statements about his verbal abuse. That could end up going a long way.
2006-09-19 01:55:49 · answer #1 · answered by mcnees79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the sounds of it wouldn't a divorce be the best thing for her anyway. How can she seperate and be done with it without divorcing? Or did she want to seperate for a bit then get back. If she' wasn't planning to get back then what's the point of being married still??
2006-09-19 01:51:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He subconsciously left her a long time ago; for he felt as if he wasn't worthy of her, so it was going to end anyway. The fear of loss caused him to strike out at her, just as people that get dumped by someone they love, act in the most unloving ways, while trying to "prove their love".
Thus he wanted to be the one to leave her first, but because he loved her, he couldn't bring himself to do so, and was always looking for reasons to hate her. When she left first, he knew it was then over, and thus filed for divorce, as if he was the one in charge.
What she needs to do is get a divorce attorney, and go after him with a vengeance. She also needs to do things she knows will upset him, but which will not injure her case. For by upsetting him [demanding everything and/or at least those things he values the most], he will react in ways that will highlight his true character, and support her case of innocence. Thus she will fair better in the outcome of the divorce.
2006-09-19 02:31:01 · answer #3 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm, don't really see the difference. She wanted the separation which would lead to the divorce, so how in the world does this mean she is getting screwed? Sorry, don't see the difference - it will have the same ending, just a faster process.
2006-09-19 02:25:21 · answer #4 · answered by working mom of 3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't have to sign them and can contest it. He may think that is what she wants. She should talk with him and try to get some clarifications. As mean as he is even he can't read her mind and her intentions. To him her intention is divorce. He agreed. However if he is very verbally abusive then this will be the new start she needs.
2006-09-19 02:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't just seperate permanently and not eventually expect a divorce paper to show up. That would forbid either of them from ever getting married again.
And if they didn't sign a prenup, well, it's going to get dirty. Suggest she get a divorce lawyer.
2006-09-19 01:52:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
look it really does not matter who files, the judge will hear both sides, and hopefully decide fairly. at least the process is started, and that much closer to being over.she needs to get a lawyer. if she can't afford one she can get one through legal aid, but she really is better off paying for one if she can afford it (the legal aid ones are overworked, and just dont have the time to fight like the others do).
stand by her, be her friend. even if she knew it was over it hurts, to be done like that.
good luck
2006-09-19 02:00:03 · answer #7 · answered by i_m_1_daft_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to get an attorney and divorce the dude, who cares what the reasons are for? But, she can rebuke the reasons and try to have it changed to incompatibility.
2006-09-19 01:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by Velociraptor 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yea i think a divorce would be better for her anyway than just separating. I think she should be glad and get all she deserves in court. She should fight back and tell them how abusive he was to her.
2006-09-19 02:05:42 · answer #9 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AND.... where do you fit in??? I mean are u his second wife?
2006-09-19 02:02:28 · answer #10 · answered by Brown sugar 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋