I caught my son what should I do?

Question

I went to the store yesterday and I caught my son shop lifting!!! What do I do in a situation like that and how should I punish him, Im very disappointed he would even consider doing something like that when I see to it he has everything he needs and has no reason to steal. I have a friend who is a police officer and I thought about calling him to see if he would talk to my child and maybe give him a tour of the juvinille detetion center so he is aware of what happens to kids that steal, is this a good idea or is there another rout I should take?

oops I ment route, stressed out and cant spell today!!

my son is 11 he will be 12 in April

Answer 1

I think that's a great idea! I applaud you for coming up with a punishment that reflects what he did (instead of just Grounding him - not that you shouhldn't do that too). I've seen parents who actually tell their child to never do it again, but they still let their child walk out of the store without paying for the item!! (I heard the parent say, "Just keep it in your pocket and we'll discuss this when we get home!" when referring to a cd her son had just lifted and put in his large coat pocket.)

I definitely think this is the right route to take. Again, I applaud you for doing something to show your child that this is wrong!

Good Luck.

Answer 2

You need to take this seriously. When my little brother was 11-12 he also started shoplifting. My mom sorta just yelled at him and then let it be, and he continued to get into trouble for that and other things the whole time he was growing up, and even after he was an adult. It look a long time for him to do better about those things.

I suggest that you do not take this situation lightly. Had my mother done something more framatic and constant then maybe my brother would have turned out differently.

The reason why kids steal things is not because they want what they are stealing, but because it is a thrill to steal. It's far more thrilling to steal something then to just ask your mom to buy it for you. Nothing you can buy for him will change the desire for him to do this. Sometimes it can make it worse, because it is kind of boring to get everything you want handed to you easily. There's challenege in stealing.

The best thing for you to do is do whatever it takes to make it clear to him that it will not be tollerated. Letting him go on a tour somewhere might be a good idea, but a juvi. facility is more like a boarding school than a jail. If I were you I would take him to a real jail, or let him speak to someone who messed up their life by starting out the same way. After he has seen how serious you are about this, and are not going to trust him for a while and keep an eye on him all the time, then try anfd get him involved in something that takes up a bunch of time and is somewhat of a thrill to him. This will help take the place of the stealing and it will distract him from the desire for somethng more thrilling.

I hope this works for you. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hi! I do like the idea of you asking your officer friend to talk to him and give him a tour of the JDC. Also the next time, if you happen to catch him in "action" take him right up to a manager and tell him/her what you saw your son do. Perhaphs a little "public humiliation" will stop the behavior. As from past expirence, ( I was 9) I tried the shoplifting thing on a dare and got caught. Being marched to the manager by my mom and "humiliated " was horrible enough for me. You didn't mention how old your son is but I figure if he's old enough to have a threat of possible JDC that he's a pre-teen or teen. What ever the age being embarrassed is bad for most kids. Hope this helps! God Bless!

Answer 4

more important than finding the correct punishment (if there is one) is trying to ascertain why he is/was stealign. is this his first offense?
i think i would have a long and lengthy discussion with him regarding the dangers of stealing and the conseuqences that could be city, county, or state imposed. sometimes an open conversation with your child can solve the problem. please be calm during your conversation as children/adolescents are skilled at turning off mom and dad when they get into the lecture mode.
if you sense your son cannot control the urge to steal, it might be time to have him see a psychologist to discuss any issues that may surround the practice.
i would shy away from imposing a severe punishment. why? hopefully your uncovering his stealing was a huge embarrassment; enough punishment by itself. Also, you wouldn't want to imposed a consequence if there is a problem that your son is not mature enough to understand, deal with, or change.
keep the communication open. don't make any threats until you have gathered all the facts,
i sense that you love your son deeply. don't jeopardize that relationship by "jumping the gun" with the misconception that he is a hardened criminal destined to maintain a life of stealing, etc.
be patient and understanding.
if it sounds like i'm being a know-it-all, please excuse the attitude. i do have my ph.d from the state university of ny, at albany, in adolscent pyschology. i'd like to think my advice is sounded.

Answer 5

Make him take it back to the store, call for the manager, and make him give it back. Call your friend the police officer and have him intervene for you. Sometimes we all (as mothers), have to have a male intercess for us; especially if there is no male in the home. Good thinking on your part, don't waste time doing what you know to be the right thing. I only wish there were more mothers out there like you today. Most want the item for themselves. They even thank the kids for stealing. How sad has our society become. Again, THANKS, keep up the good work and you will have a fine son one day, that appreciate his mother for making him do the right thing. I bet you one thing he will think twice before he does it again.

Silver Birch

Answer 6

first of all i think that i would embarrass him by making him take what he stole back to the store and making him apologize to the manager for stealing. this is what my mom made my sister do. also yes i would call the police friend and have him talk to him and have him give him the tour of the detention center and also i would have him put into handcuffs while hes touring the center. hopefully this will scare him into not doing it again. also put him on a punishment. take away three things that he likes to do the most. also have him work around the house for little a chore to pay for what he took.well good luck i hope something works for you.

Answer 7

Let him know that you saw him shop lifting. Then give him a warning. If he does it again, have your friend talk to him about the punishments he could get from the law. If he does it the third time (let's hope he doesn't), hand him over to the police. Being so young, he probable wouldn't be in juvenile detention very long.

Answer 8

I think that if this was his first time, that you need to simply have a talk with him. You need to let him know how much you love him, but that he has really disappointed you. You need to realize that this is not the last thing he will do to disappoint you. But if your lucky and make him feel like he can talk to you about anything, things will go much better for both of you. You want him to be able to count on you no matter what.

He is growing up. He is going to make mistakes. He will learn from them the same way you did. Trial and error. Make him know that he can count on you. Let him know he can call you anytime / anywhere. Your love for him will not die not matter what he does. The power of understanding and forgiveness is what will make him a better person.

Answer 9

It is a psycological problem and if you visit a psycologist he will tell what exactly you should do.I think talking to a police may worsen the situation.
I saw some children with that problem and some of them cured when they were adults and some not. There is a " term" for this problem in Psycological books but I have forgotten.
I hope you take it serious and do something.

Answer 10

Sorry about that but i was you i take him back to the store and let the owner know what he did call your friend that a cop to take him just to let your son know this what happened when kids or anyone shop lift just to get him scared so next time he go to the store he know not to take anything with out paying. hope it help