Why do we ask if men "help" their wives with household chores or with childcare?

Question

Most households today consist of a couple who both work outside the home & are tired at the end of the day. Saying men "help" implies it is not really their responsibility as if it's an extra bonus if they do anything at home. It presumes it's really the woman's job.

We need to change the way we think about things. If both people live in the house, it's the responsibility of both to contribute equally. You rarely if ever hear a woman claim to "help" their husband with household chores. And if you did, would you hear sincere congrats from others?

As for childcare, I have heard some men say they are "babysitting the kids" when their wife is not home. Have you ever heard a woman say she is "babysitting the kids" when her husband is not home? Of course not. She is just home with the kids. In other words, you do not "babysit" your OWN kids. You "babysit" other people's kids.

Instead, we should ask if household chores are split equally rather than if the man "helps"

Answer 1

Joey K is now living under an assumed name on a far away island to avoid assassination attempts - lol

If a woman does NOT work outside the home, he's "helping" with the housework because his full time job is outside the home, hers is inside the home, just as if she went to his office to help make copies... she would be helping him... it's not her job.

If both work outside the home, then it becomes fair game and since you both live there, it's equally the responsibility of both partners to handle inside the house work, so it's just something you do. As for Joey K's remark that it's "women's work" I would ask that he present that argument to female firefighters, architects, CEO's, college professors, physicians and lawyers along with any other women who work outside the home.

As far as childrearing... at NO point in time should we EVER refer to this as babysitting just because Dad is doing it. It's babysitting when it's the neighbor's children. It's PARENTING when a PARENT does it and it's an equal responsibility depending on availability of each parent.

Answer 2

I agree with you. As of now I am an at home mother of two and I feel that I am constantly cleaning cooking and all that good stuff. And no it's not just the woman's job. My husband works, comes home and sits down. I've been working since the kids get on the bus to go to school until they go to sleep at night and even afterward. If guys did that they would not be able to handle it more than a week. This work consists of 12 + hours a day. My kids are pretty good at keeping things picked up only because I will not tolerate a messy room. It used to be that I would clean their rooms (you could not see the floor-full of toys) and the next day their floor disappeared. I put a stop to that. Now it's my husbands turn to get after. He's now worse than the kids when it comes to messes. My husband however does not say that he babysits the kids. What you men don't realize is if you help around the house there's more time for other stuff after the kids go down to sleep. (catch my drift?)

Answer 3

ya know life is all about give and take. household duties should be shared providing both parties are working. its never going to be 50/50 in the household as one week one of you will have more time than the other and so forth, so never make the mistake of saying its 50/50 thats not realistic. Its neither man nor womens job its whoever has the most time and can do what needs doing. where did all this scoring points come from, "oh i did this ,so you can do that" its popycock, if a job needs doing and you can see it needs doing and you have the time then its simple do it, male or female.If more women learned to change the oil in the car or the spark plugs this discussion would not be happening. I am female and to be honest I dont consider anything I do to be womens work or anything my husband does to be mans work.its shared household chores and if a man cant say I am babysitting without it been classed as politically incorrect then we are living in a sad world.

Answer 4

Because many people have a mis-guided concept of what is women's work. My husband and I both work high pressure jobs and have 3 kids. He does his share. Because he is equally responsible for our house and kids. If more men thought the way he did, things would be a lot easier for women. But there are also women who consider some chores like keeping the lawn up, cleaning out the garage mens work. I figure if my husband helps me inside the house then I should help him outside as well.

Answer 5

It is a sencere hope some day by women that there men will actually do something around the home with out having to be told to do it..don't get me wrong there are some men that do the house work and the cleaning and the child care...
but as for most of us. we have to ask for our men to take care of the kids we are going to the store. or to do the dishes. or to do what ever needs to be done.. because they would never think of doing it on there own.. Instead there are the men that come through the door sit in there chair and expect food to be on the table.. there clothes to be cleaned and to have to pick up after them.. and all this after the woman has also been out of the house working all day. then at the end of the day after we finally think that we are done they think that they need sex.. and they wonder why women say they have a head ache..
the fact is : is that the woman isn't objecting to having sex. she is just to darn tired to have sex.. the kids are most likely in bed sleeping and she needs some much needed sleep or just some alone time to get ready for another day..
We were raised this way that it was a womans job to do the work at home and the child raisiing while the man was out working but hey ladys it is time to change. we are out of the house working now days it is time to share the responsibility's in the home.. come on men do your part.

Answer 6

You have a point about equality.

Although I think that women therefor should have equal responsibility for the DIY, sorting out the car, doing the painting etc. and should never just be said to be helping!

I also think that your view is not actually based on realty but instead you seem to be taking a few things that you have seen or heard and are assuming that it is like that across the board. To be honest I find your over generalization about men slightly offensive. I know several fathers that look after the kids allot more than there mothers, lots of husbands that do more housework than there wives etc.

Sexism works both ways you know.

Answer 7

I am so with you on that!

Society in general views that women have 'bettered' themselves because they are more educated and more independant than ever. However, underneath they are doing most of the household chores and child rearing as well as holding a full time job.

We have to be patient because housework/child rearing is considered a STEP DOWN. They are difficult, thankless, undervalued and unpaying jobs! Men have been taught that to be somebody ya gotta act tough, bring the bacon and don't show emotions.

All that said, I completely agree with what you are saying.

Change is slow, but inevitable!

Answer 8

I don't know why we ask that question. I personally don't have to ask. My husband and I just naturally help one another out. We are a team. Sometimes I need more help; sometimes he needs more help. We don't measure what each other does but we both show appreciation and gratitude for the help. The category is "family and relationships".....to have a relationship one generally works as a unit. Nothing in life is equal at any given moment. For example if you are sick, your husband has more responsibilities during that time. If he is ill, the same goes for you. Just rejoice and have fun in being a team who works well together. Isn't it faster and more fun to be doing things together even if they are household duties? Then you both have more time to have down time together!!!

Answer 9

well to be honest i would rather my hubby not help with chores in the home , seems how the work may not be done the way i like them however , my hubby has a garage thats all to himself , tools galore... when he cleans out the garage , i will HELP him , when i clean my house an i need HELP he will HELP . as far as babysitting , i dont have that problem my kids are grown ... it is an equal partnership . but i never met a woman yet that was satisfied by the way a man cleans there home . so why even bother to ask them .. lol

Answer 10

Perhaps the problem is the misuse of the word "help"

The oinly reason I rankle at a "divisions of chores" tag, it that I could be called upon to take on those "chores" that are "assigned" to the wife.

I perfer to think of doing what needs to be done to the running of the household.