Post giving birth advice required....?

Question

my son is 16 months old and I am still finding it difficult to resume a close relationship with his father. we have been close but it is little and often. i was totally different before the birth of my son (natural) and I can't find any advice on line, without going to 'relate'. my partner is 100% understanding - but somehow that just makes it more difficult to bear.

Answer 1

This is an awful and upsetting problem, but not uncommon.
I have four children and I remember my sex drive being affected differently following each birth.
Many factors can affect our libido once we have become mothers.
Physical changes can affect our psychological body image.
The psychological changes of new motherhood can affect our priorities, and our perceptions of self and our partner.
The demands of a family can affect our energy levels.
So many things to consider.
Your partner sounds lovely. He is caring and understanding but I understand how this might encourage an increased feeling of guilt.
As a health professional (midwife), I would suggest that the time may have come to seek professional help.
See your GP first. Try not to be embarrassed as he or she will have seen hundreds of others with a similar problem (some of them men struggling with memories of images of childbirth or their lovers becoming mothers), and choose to see a female GP if this makes you feel less uncomfortable.
It could be a hormonal imbalance or something easily rectifiable.
If the problems are deeper, he/she will be able to refer you on to the relevant specialist advice.
(Wow! You've just answered one of my questions. 'School dinner protesters'. Thanks, great answer. Sorry for the digression).
In the meantime, maybe try some massage together. You partner sounds very patient, and if you explain to him that you can't promise sex will be the end product but you feel it will help to bring you closer to each other, and encourage intimacy, he may be very happy to try any step in the right direction.
It's hard with a new baby, and it might be difficult to arrange child care, but it's so important to remember each other as a couple. Find time for dates. Even if it's just baby at grandma's and a takeaway by candle light with a bottle of wine.
I really hope this helps.
Take care and good luck.

Answer 2

You had a baby which totally changes everything. You are tired and crankie. The baby is teething and crying a lot. You feel like you have lived in the same clothes for a month. The baby belly just won't go away. You don't feel pretty any more, much less sexy. Between work, work at home, cooking and taking care of the baby you have no time for you much less time and energy for sex. So here is what you do. Hire a babysitter or get your Mom to watch the baby for an evening. Come home early that evening play with the baby and then take her to the sitter. Come home and take a bubble bath. Find that sexy lingerie and wear it. Now either make a lovely dinner for two or go out to dinner and maybe take in a movie. Come on home and make up for lost time. Make sure baby is spending the night at the sitter. When hubby and you feel more together you can get 1 good nights sleep and the next day the good feelings will continue and baby will have a Mom who is better rested and more in tune with Dad. Remember Mom and Dad need time to be lovers not just time to be parents. Your relationship with each other is vital not just to each of you but to that precious baby too.

Answer 3

when you say 'close do you mean of a sexual nature?

little and often is not that bad with a sixteenmonth old, when you have been running a home and looking after your family, your husband ,understands, but look at his veiw line , you and he together now sharing with someone else who takes your time and makes demands upon you constantly, he will be a little miffed even though he is the one that helped produce the child,
get a baby sitter, go out for some fun with the person who loves you show him that you still do, dont tell him show him.
he will respond, leave the drink at the shop.
alcohol only complicates a situation. get him to spend some hard earned currency on you. then you do the same for him. it does not need to be exspensive, it shows committment. underwear is good ,anticipation of things to come, you get my drift?
regards LF

Answer 4

The very same thing happened to myself and my husband, i think your brain is switched to mother and not lover. Try to spend some time just with your partner without your son, plan a weekend where someone will take him overnight and allow you two to relax and unwind in a hotel. Its amazing when you leave the role of mother behind for one night what will happen. Good luck, it will all work out.

Answer 5

given which you have purely recently given start, i'd say what you're experiencing is especially regularly occurring. I had diverse soreness and swelling in my vaginal/rectal section after my youngest grew to become into born, and that i additionally had a small graze yet no stitches. Frozen witch hazel pads felt SO sturdy. i'd spritz witch hazel on a typical maxi pad and placed it interior the freezer. a pair hours later, i'd placed it on purely like a typical pad (TMI - i'd actual freeze those Tucks witch hazel pads and placed them in my bum to assist my hemorrhoids). It felt amazing. My hemorrhoids have been so undesirable, i could no longer take a seat oftentimes for a pair weeks. I had to take a seat down form of sideways. it would desire to be a sturdy theory for you in looking a distinctive way of sitting for a on an identical time as to ease the rigidity. some women discover that sitting on a pillow or inflatable donut facilitates lots, on an identical time as others discover difficult surfaces to be extra mushy. you will purely could test and discover out what works right for you. i'd additionally evade being on your feet for long sessions of time provided that that will boost bloodflow on your pelvic area and particular boost the soreness. regularly, the priority with urinating is going away interior a pair weeks. that is probable swollen, which ability the outlet of your urethra is a splash smaller than regularly occurring from the swelling. Frozen pads, back, can help with that swelling. If it stings to pee by way of fact the urine is hitting the region the place you tore (OUCH! I remember that soreness), try leaning forward and ask your self of hover over the lavatory once you pee. with any luck, which will shop the pee from working all the way down to that spot. Pee is quite acidic, so it may incredibly injury if it hits the incorrect place. ETA: you additionally can take a peri bottle (or any squirt bottle, incredibly) and spray your tear on an identical time as you pee. That facilitates wash away the urine formerly it has a raffle to sting you incredibly badly. regularly, they propose which you utilize a peri bottle to rinse after peeing besides, so which you will purely apply it to an identical time as peeing, too. you additionally can take OTC soreness relievers, or in the event that they gave you a prescription, truthfully use that to assist with the soreness.

Answer 6

i dont know why but this does seem to happen i think is because the both of you are unable to spend the quality time together like you did before and also because you have a little baby running around it wears you out more so much more tiered when it comes to the bed department. Trust me its defeniately not just you

Answer 7

your body has been threw alot and everything is just getting back to normal and your hormones are just resuming back to normal try doing some yoga to get your body and mind to relax and try to get the baby to bed early some night and have a nice meal and cuddle up.... or you could try and get your self in the right frame of mind treat yourself to some nice new underwear might help you feel good about yourself and in turn who knows what will hapen

Answer 8

Maybe your both the same are you as understanding as him, let your hair down and get the magic back its there you just got to find it.

Answer 9

i do not understand when people say things like these cos i just gave birth a month ago and i am as horny as can be, i had a c-section though, but i honestly don't get it. i do not mean to sound unsympathetic but i'm just being honest.

Answer 10

you are not alone there, my little girl is the same age as your little boy and we are exactly the same!! id say give it time, im sure when we are ready our fellas will be waiting!!