I have no sexual desire for my husband, what should i do ???

Question

my husband has gained around 100 pounds in the last 10 years, and he turns me off really bad..he wont go on a diet and i dont want to make love to him anymore what should i do..ive been sleeping in another room for quite awhile now..

Answer 1

Let him know how you feel. He may be gaining weight because he has exchanged affection for food!

Answer 2

Wow what a shallow , uncreative woman u are.. ..
And im guessing in the last 10 years , u've probably done the majority of the cooking that he's been eatting.. .. so in a sense u've helped create the "monster" u say u repulse.. funny usually when people love someone they actually try and make foods that dont clog their artaries.. but now u've done the damage or helped with the damage and now ur punishing him again.. how nice is that !!!!!!!!! lol geeze.. hummm instead of being a cold callus , heartless woman, why dont u get him to go on walks with u???? instead of making him feel like he's the ugliest man on the face of the planet how about actting like u love him and seeing if he'll go on ROMANTIC walks with u.. and guess what sex is a form of cardio excersise, so for someone that wants him to excercise ur sure not helping the situation at all.. u know what i hope he leaves ur shallow azz , loses the weight, gets back to being a confident , good looking man, and i hope he finds someone younger and prettier then u that will love him not only for whats on the outside but whats on the inside, and i hope u end up with a really crappy guy that treats u like crap and u regret every moment of how u treated ur x husband.. because although i normally dont wish bad things on people.. ur just cruel and black hearted.. and people like u need to be taught a lesson on love..

Answer 3

I say you can do one of three things. You can open up to him and tell him you are not happy and that you need to move on...or you can tell him you still love him but you are physically turned off by him and cannot sleep with him but you want him to try and lose weight. Or you can do nothing which is what you sound like you are doing right now.

The thing is if you take door number two there might be a chance that he might make an effort and then if he makes an effort then you might want to try and sleep with him and he might feel a hell of a lot better bout himself and start losing more weight etc. etc. meaning you both might have a solution that works on each others self esteem...or at least on his

You need to ask yourself two questions....how much do you love him....and how much you want to have sex back in your life...and then go from there!!!!

There may be issues that he is not sharing with you...so you need to talk it out...you need to finds a way to talk about it without being emotional....I know harder said then done!!!!

I am in a similar situation but not because of weight...good luck dear!!!!

Answer 4

How does he feel when you don't want sex with him? You have to discuss this with him. Tell him that you will have sex with him only on condition that he makes an effort to lose weight. If he agrees, you have to constantly encourage him. Maybe give in a little everytime he makes progress, because losing 100 lbs needs great effort!
On the other hand, there could be an underlying reason for his gaining so much weight. Both of you have to communicate with each other sincerely and honestly for your relationship to last happily.
Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Don't count on him rushing out and joining a gym or such, the answer to this common question is more complicated than some of your answers. I was married to a georgious Scandanavian blonde who, after six months of marriage went from 115 lbs. to 185 lbs. and told me that she saw no reason to keep in shape since she was "happy" with me as her husband and felt that life should consist of seeking only pleasure and having babies. I never saw this coming. You have obviously been taken for granted, and he probably thinks you would be helpless without him and unattractive to competition at this stage of your life, so he has become lazy. Time to rattle his cage. There are still guys out here looking for good women to hook up with. You deserve to be respected. --Rat's point of view.

Answer 6

As a person who obviously not changed in the last ten years, you should take you perky breasts and firm thighs and go find someone more to your liking. From here it seems your bad attitude about him is as repulsive as his weight gain.
When he does start losing weight rest assured it will not be for you it will be to go find a new partner who is interested in more than his waistline. If you ever have kids I hope your breasts do not sag as they are such a turn off.

Answer 7

I feel the same way also. Mine's excuse is low self esteem (but he'd deny this part) and no will power AND a chocoholic sweet tooth. I'm already forgetting how long it's been. And we use to be swingers.. but he stopped it because of how large he was becoming and what it told him when people didn't pick him. (so motivation didn't work) I still fit in my H.S. clothes, so setting good example didn't help. Cooking well didn't help. I tried everything I could think of. Ultimately, he has to do it for himself. I'd say talk to him. Then at least YOU will be at peace with what you could have done. That's my 2 cents.

Answer 8

Sad to say in our society, but sex and love are different. To me the answer to a sexual problem lies in love.

Forget sex for a while and concentrate on dating him again. Do things together, find out what you like and dislike again. Fall in love again. Love is hard work but it has a huge pay off.

They say sex for a woman starts in the morning, in a word, in a touch, in a caress, in a glance. All good sex (not just the act) takes great time, great effort and great respect. In this case it seems like it needs to start way back. It needs to start with seeing the good in him again, with complimenting him again, with spending time together. It starts with that bad word commitment.

Take the 30 day test. You love him unconditionally for 30 days and see what happens. You have nothing to lose. Then tell us all how you went. What have you got to lose?

Answer 9

You need to communicate, tell him how you feel, how his excess weight has made you feel.

It may help to not pressure him to diet, but to take activities TOGETHER, such as walking, and simple, but effective things like that, so A) you can be supportive of him and B) to help you regain the feelings you had for him when you married him.

There may be a reason he piled on the weight. There is a reason he isn't losing the weight.

Answer 10

Hey babe,
If you still love him,then you should say something.
As far as sex goes,ther are meny ways to fill thoes desires.They may not fill them like real love makeing but they work.Toys...cam sex..both.Even phone sex with the rite person.

But I do no wer youre comming from,sept my ex and I never relly got along.For the last 7 years of our marrige,I also slept on the sofa.Oh we still had sex,but it was bassicly for her,then I went back down to the sofa lol wooohoo.
Anyways,we can talk more if you wish.

Answer 11

doesn'tr marriage vows say for better or for worse ? or is that old fashioned times that no longer exist in 2006 ? i hear what you're saying how bad your husband turns you off & the both of you have stopped sleeping together. thats no way to run a marriage. sounds to me like you might be better off seperating for a while rather then going throgh the agony that you're going through. try communicating with your husband in a calm,civil, manner about his weight problem & let him know how its affecting you & your sexual desire for him. suggestion for yourself; perhaps you could benefit from speaking with a psychologist, or marriage counselor to try & see if your marriage is worth saving. this is just my own personal opinion.