the problem is here, "but what they are doing right now is that"
it seems like i have a grammatical error here.
If you can refine my sentence to a better form, please feel free to do it
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Premier should be a non-profit organization, but what they are doing right now is that they keep sucking profits from the hospitals and the suppliers by collecting administrative fees and stock options from the vendors
2006-09-18 21:38:04 · 13 answers · asked by BBMak 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Although Premier claims to be a non-profit organization, it is collecting administrative fees and stock options from the vendors in an attempt to minimize the profits of the hospitals.
If you are writing this in a report of some sort, you need to cut out the emotional words " keep sucking".
2006-09-18 21:49:45 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Premier should be a non-profit organization, but they keep sucking profits from the hospitals and the suppliers by collecting administrative fees and stock options from the vendors.
Not a grammatical error is the strictest sense, but a big wordy clause that adds nothing.
Saying "what they are doing right now" actually weakens the structure by implying present only, when "keep sucking" implies ongoing so there is some incongruity in tense.
The "is that they" makes the subjunctive clause passive voice for no reason.
2006-09-19 04:55:26 · answer #2 · answered by novangelis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Premier claims to be a non-profit organization, however, recent studies show that what they are currently doing is sucking profits from the various hospitals and suppliers by collecting administrative fees and stock options from the vendors. This should be changed first.
2006-09-19 04:48:56 · answer #3 · answered by Avatar13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Premier should be a non-profit organization. However, they continue to drain off profits from hospitals and suppliers by collecting administrative fees and stock options from vendors. (This leaves the hospital and community with out the needed funding to purchase state of the art medical equipment, and enlarge needed medical services.)
Remember, the fewer words the better, remove as many a, ands and the's as possible.
(I assume you are writing about a business model.
I think you had a run-on sentence.
2006-09-19 04:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by S E 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can use the word "leeching" instead of sucking.
Premier should be a non-profit organization, but currently they are leeching the profits from the hospitals and the suppliers by collecting administrative fees and stock options from the vendors
2006-09-19 04:49:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to keep collecting administration fees and stock options from the vendors is not how a non-profit organization like premier is supposed to be representing the hospitals and the suppliers
2006-09-19 04:54:19 · answer #6 · answered by launchpad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Premier should be a non-profit organization, but instead they are sucking profits from the hospitals and suppliers...
2006-09-19 04:55:30 · answer #7 · answered by mztreasure999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
though premier is non-profit org. it is getting profits from hospitals
and suppliers
it's enough
2006-09-19 09:48:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simplest (least changed) correct version would be: ...what they are doing right now is (continuously) sucking profits...
2006-09-19 04:47:26 · answer #9 · answered by Linton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HEY. Just an idea, ok?
1. Their actions at present( is leading to, causing...)
Hope it could help a bit.
L8r
2006-09-19 04:42:51 · answer #10 · answered by Werner J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋