My husband won't ever tell me straight up what he thinks, what he likes or doesn't like, what makes him mad or happy or sad, what he'd like to see changed, what he doesn't want to see changed, etc., etc. It's like he doesn't have an opinion, and he does NOT have a backbone either! He only tells everyone what they want to hear, even if it's not the truth or what he honestly thinks! What can I do with this?
2006-09-18 21:31:37 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello Lisa.
This is a hard question, all I can do is offer similar experience I have been through.
I ended up in a retionship with a girl, and through the whole thing I was so amazed to be with this girl, that I spent almost my entire time trying to be who I thought she needed me to. To not dissapoint or upset this wonderful creature. This ended up with me becoming more and more pent up as I slowly realised how far I was getting from who I had been before and/or who I really should be.
Try finding activities that your husband did before he knew you (be it picnics, camping, hamster collecting), anything that is quite a complex activity or can be something that can really be gotten into, and hand complete control of this over to him. If it is possible, make it an activity that he knows other people "in the crowd" but you do not (nightclubbing, environmental protesting, birdspottting)
With a little luck such will make him feel more relaxed and in control enough to let go a bit and be himself a bit more.
I hope it is insightful, let me know :o]
Paul
2006-09-18 21:43:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to your husband about his behavior? Your husband has put up a barrier, and your job is to crack it. How? Honestly, the best place to start might be, well, in the bedroom. Don't take this the wrong way. lol. But, If you ask him what he wants, how he likes it...and he communicates in this way...maybe he will be apt to communicate with you in ALL aspects of your life. Show him that you need input. Talk with him. Be open. And when he sees that his opinion counts, maybe he'll start growing that backbone and telling it like it is.
2006-09-18 21:39:44 · answer #2 · answered by infinite_fire 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That depends, if he did, how would you react? To get him to be more open, you need to know why he is so closed. He's either closed for an internal reason, or you, or his family, he possibly believes, would react in a way he cannot handle. And I wouldn't call him passive aggressive so much as passive. Passive aggressive people are snide, and condescending, they subtely let others know what they think of them. Find out why he is so closed, be empathetic. When he finds assurance that you won't react a certain way, or that however you react won't be as bad as he might believe, he'll likely be more expressive of his feelings.
2006-09-18 21:37:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I read a book called Living with the Passive Agressive Man. I don't remember the author but you can find it on Amazon. It tells you how to not be an enabler in the passive agressive dance. You'll discover that you have more power than you realize. It changed my life forever...for the better.
2006-09-18 21:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by mamaloo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll be interested to see what answers you get to this one! I find it's a common problem with men. Seems to me that they try telling it straight at first, then they find out that women get mad at them for being honest, so then they learn to "go with the flow" and just agree to everything - in the hope that we'll forget what they said, later.
It's a way of manipulating, but it's also a response to a dominant woman. Perhaps he learned this behaviour as a way of dealing with his mother, or perhaps - dare I say it - as a way of dealing with you? When he has expressed an honest opinion, has it ever caused arguments? Have you ever slapped him down?
2006-09-18 21:37:07 · answer #5 · answered by Kylie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is acting like a baby and sounds a little similar to my husband. I have been married for 21 years and am starting to go crazy with it. Would he go see a counselor with you? I assume that he does not he is doing anything wrong.
2016-03-27 08:38:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Passive - aggressive what horse sh**. I've heard this before and its just a way for a overly domineering woman to control her husband. I bet you never loss an of the arguments you have with him either.
2006-09-18 22:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by Strike2? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
talk with him or try marriage counseling and see why he acts the reason he does: is it stress, guilt or is it because he does not know how to express his emotions? when you guys were dating and were engaged, was he still like this or was it a recent thing/did it happen recently? these are things you should ask yourself and if nothing works really give marriage counseling a try.
2006-09-18 21:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by icycrissy27blue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is out of your hands. He needs professional help. Try and get him to go to a marriage counselor with you. Through that vehicle you may get started in the right direction. It can help both of you.
2006-09-18 21:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by Robere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
jeez your husband is just suffering from attitude problem
there are a lot of books you can read to overcome this issue
especially my favourite UNshaven Beard by charles Dick Son
2006-09-18 21:36:02 · answer #10 · answered by george grohan mendal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋