Need your advice. I'm in an 11month long relationship present time but it has turned rocky last night. Someone I met long time ago messaged me out of the blue and for some reason my partner took his number. Now that past guy told my partner that we had sex at OUR place when my partner wasn't around.. which is completely untrue!!! ANd my partner now swears he's going back to his hometown end of this month and said he doesn't love me anymore. :-(
2006-09-18 21:17:22 · 9 answers · asked by pinoy_rockstar 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I am SO sorry to hear about your situation; it truly breaks my heart. I have had partners that were insecure too. But, if there is ONE thing I've learned in this lifetime it is that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. And I know it sounds cliche but IT IS the truth. Whenever really dramatic things like that happen that are completely out of our control it's God's way of saying, "Okay, you've tried it your way and it isn't working, so now were going to do things My way". And as long as you stand out of the way, really good things start to happen.
I know your heart is broken right now and you probably feel very helpless right now, but hang in there hun, it WILL get better, I promise you.
I don't know your history but something is up, there is no doubt in my mind. What ever was on that text message it must have been juicy enough to arouse this much suspission.
Every single relationship that has stood the test of time did it by "honestly, truthfully" COMMUNICATING with one another about everything ON A DAILY BASIS, being able to forgive one another for their stupid actions, being humble enough to appologize or say, "I'm sorry", ALWAYS trusting their partners motives and intentions, being emotionaly secure about who they are as an individual, not needing to say, "I Love you" expecting you to return the gesture, being able to give UNCONDITIONALLY without expecting anything in return, being able to receive without feeling the need to return the favor or gift. And probably the most importand aspect to that is that they don't feel the need to smother each other because they're afraid of loosing their partner to someone else. They are 100% okay with spending time apart from each other, whether it be running erands, shopping, visiting with friends, or what ever. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, MOST OF THEM HAD THEIR BAD DAYS AND THEIR GOOD DAYS.
Is there a difference in your ages? Have the both of you been 100% honest during your relationship? Do either of you say in the form of a question, "I Love you", a lot? Were you premiscuious before you met the new guy of 11mo? If so, does he know this? If so, and IF he has had little to no exposure to the gay scene he may feel inferior to you, and may feel insecure about being able to hold up his end (in the bed). Do one or both go to the gay bars in your area? Let's be honest, the biggest reason we gay's go out to the gay bars is to get some tail, or at least fantasize about getting some. It's true that some of us genuinely do go out to dance and to be around our friends but too often it's just a meat market for the lonely.
It sounds to me like he was looking for a way out and when this opportunity came up he took full advantage of the situation and jumped on it to made you out to be the bad guy. Or, and this may sound warped but it happens all the time in our community, maybe they know each other and are just pretending they dont, so they can concoct this scheme so THEY CAN be together.
Either way you need to tell him AGAIN (in a calm voice of course) that you did not go behind his back. Then tell him if he can't trust you then you need to let him go so he can have some time to reflect and if he TRULY does Love you then he will more than likely come back. It all depends on just HOW insecure he is.
Okay, this is how I see it...
he either wants out and doesn't know how to do it
or
the old guy is trying to get back with you and is hoping one or both of you give in to his sickness
or
the old guy is trying to pay you back for hurting you
or
the both of them are trying to hook up.
Either way, if you know in your heart of hearts that you did not do this all you can do is wait and hope for the best and know that if it doesn't work out between the two of you then it just wasn't meant to be and then get out of God's way and let Him find your next partner. Chances are that the next guy will be the One your really searching for.
I wish you the VERY best in your life, and what ever you do, you are going to have to come to some point in your thought process where you can forgive the two of them for their stupid actions and reactions. Because your life will be miserable until you do. Trust me, I am speaking from tons of experience.
Take care of you! Love you! Respect you! No one's going to do it for you. Your happiness is all up to you.
2006-09-19 00:19:49 · answer #1 · answered by chickinaynay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing you can do is to have told him the truth which you did, if he doesn't trust you at your word he did not love you as much as he said he did. a relationship is based on trust and you have to work through the hard times my spouse and i have been through some ruff times but through those times our love and trust has grown stronger. he may need time to think if he loves you he will return. right now if you have done all you can to make it right let go of him and hopefully he will return. as for the other guy maybe you can convince him to tell your partner that it never happened. besides he should be taking your word over his anyway.
2006-09-18 22:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by lady heather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was soooooooooooo rude!
well, how much close you are to that someone & whats the relationship in between? are you just friends of something? y is he so confident to have nerves to get you into trouble with your partner. did he intend that so he can replace him?
and you? what's the real score? if nothing and still love youre partner, show them you're the boss and the boss is right!! break his neck & cut his head off!!!! (ooops.... sorry, i got carried away)
who did he think he is to ruin you're lovelife anyway? show to you're partner that you're on the both side.
and to your present partner, is he that coward to just walk away like that? if he loves you truly, he'll take time to see your side.
2006-09-18 21:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by leviosa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you must not have had that strong a relationship for him to let the lies of a stranger wreck your relationship. I think he was looking for a way out and this just happened to come up.
2006-09-19 02:47:14 · answer #4 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are supposed to be based on honesty ans trust, if he believes a stranger over his LOVE than he is not worth holding on to.
2006-09-18 22:16:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg! what an ***!!!!! why dont you show your bf this!!!! i mean come on!!! i believe you because you came here to talk this through.... i hate people like that! that has happened to me before also, but if your boyfriend doesent trust you then he isnt good enough for you and maybe you should just move on!
2006-09-18 22:14:07 · answer #6 · answered by D.Allman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are based on trust. If he doesnt trust you, then he cant really be in love with you. Move on, dear.
2006-09-19 02:40:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably God. Yall know he doesn't like these sorta things
2006-09-18 21:19:56 · answer #8 · answered by peach49444 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i agree with randy w.
2006-09-19 13:00:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋