Filing for divorce tomorrow... Why am I so sad? This was my choice.?

Question

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months and have bounced back and forth with trying to reconcile more times than I can count. I realized that I just wasn't IN love with him anymore, as much as I love him... and that wasn't fair to him. So I finally made the decision to go forward with the divorce. I have an appt. w/ a paralegal tomorrow and now that it is upon me, I am feeling depressed. I know we aren't meant to be... so why do I feel so sad, I've had plenty of time to digest this and have begun healing in many ways. I hate that I miss him, so how do I ignore that feeling and carry on with my plans for divorce... and my life?

Answer 1

Ever heard of growing pains? Of course you have.
If everyone's lives were hunky dory all the time, we would have no need for insurance, the judicial system, Prozac, etc.

Bad things happen to good people all the time and I learned since my divorce that you've just got to let things take their course and let the pain you're feeling wash away over time. After the divorce, I also learned that I was no princess Barbie on a happily ever after fairy tale. I've learnt to be grateful for other people's littlest kindness and to appreciate every small amounts of happiness that came my way.

You're starting on a new path and the uncertainity is gnawing at you. Keep smiling and be sure to practice kindness to all things that you see. Kiss the roses on your way to work, contribute to the World Vision children's fund. Listen to opera (full of beautiful dramatics) and learn to speak a new language or play a new instrument. Take an evening class at the community college. Go do that Yahoo Personals thing. I met quite a few decent, unpretentious guys with good jobs who raised my confidence level.

Don't look back and wonder about all the things you're going to miss. You're going through a tough phase in life and it happens to everyone. Even the ones that say that they have been happily married for twenty odd years confess that there are times that
they wanted to commit themselves to a mental asylum or just plain hated their spouses at one time or another.

I am willing to bet that you will be happier as you sculpt a New You, who's vibrant, curious about the things that you have neglected before, who appreciates the little things. Regardless
of whether you take this little ditty to heart, you
will be happy again. Money back, guaranteed.

Just one more thing: you have to get regular decent meals and keep away from the alcohol. Your health is very important, even if you have to eat alone in a restaurant. Take good care of yourself as you are very fragile now. Be strong!!

Answer 2

All of the hopes and joy you had when you got married. You were convinced that he was the one for you. Also a sense of failure.

Divorce does violence to a person. Actually to both people and if there are kids, you are always going to be in each others lives.

Try to see if there is a way to salvage your marriage. have you tried
www.Retrouvaille.com. Seriously, if you both put as much emotional energy and money into working on your marriage you will be able to find that spark of love that brought yo to the alter. After all, It marriage must have some importance to you if you got married in the first place. An exception, If you feel physically in danger, have a child who is in danger, or if he is engaging in illegal matters, Get out fast.

If you do end up divorcing. Expect it to be at least a year to feel like yourself. It is not easy even if it's your choice. It will get better. Be gentle with yourself.

God Bless You,

Answer 3

How could you not be sad? Divorce is a horrible, horrible thing. Anyone with a heart has to be sad about a divorce, unless, abuse is involved, I guess.

How could you not miss him? Wasn't he a huge part of your life for a long time? Didn't you spend more time and share more moments with him than anyone?

Isn't it natural to be sad and depressed knowing that you broke the heart of someone that loves you so much?

I have so many questions that I would love to ask you.

Although my exwife and I's situation didnt drag out like yours, she has the exact same feelings as you. We have discussed it a great deal. She still calls all the time, and we have been divorced for quite a while now. Even though we are able to talk and share some feelings, I dont feel comfortable asking her some questions, mainly out of pride.

Divorce is awful. I would love to hear more of your perspective

Answer 4

You do love him, and because of that, you know there will be things about him you'll miss. It's sounds like you've made every attempt to try to make this relationship work, and there just isn't anything else left to be done. But, just because he won't be your husband anymore, doesn't mean you can't still have a friendship/relationship on some other level.

You need to try to look past tomorrow, and concentrate instead on how this decision will hopefully have a positive long term effect on both your lives. I'm sorry your sad, and depressed. It is normal to have those feelings.
Allow yourself to continue to heal, and understand that having these emotions is just part of that process.

Answer 5

You are grieving over what you lost, what could have been, the good things that you miss. It's normal to feel some sadness, just don't dwell in it. If the divorce is what you feel is right be strong and go through with it. Don't try to ignore the pain...you need to feel it, go through with it and move on. It will hurt but you'll be a stronger and better person afterwards. I've been there. It will be okay.

Answer 6

I Know that it hurts but I'm going to speak some hard truths to you,it sounds to me that you where just his meal ticket,this girlfriend that he all of a sudden has, he has probably had all along. For him to treat you so coldly says a lot about how he really feels about you and has probably felt this way all along.Hurt always has to run it's course. But what you need to do is pull yourself up - dust yourself off - and look at this as a learning experience,give yourself some time and find you because it sounds like you gave more than you got.Get out with your friends have some fun get over him and move on.

Answer 7

Divorce is like a Death---except you have no funeral, no body to mourn over--just an overwhelming sense of Loss.
People are uncomfortable discussing it with you, and just expect you to move on as if this entire marriage never existed. Your expected to be ready to throw on your high heels, and hit the clubs--celebrating your new found freedom.
How little do they know that all you want to do is to come to terms with this big void in your life where another human being used to be, and their family and mutual friends too.
It's hard to stop in the middle of your life, and completely change your dreams--but it's not impossible.
What your feeling is so very okay--and it's normal to miss the promise of what once was, and what was supposed to be.
It's gonna be okay.

Answer 8

there is still a feeling of failure and loss. I am at the same place. I am divorcing my husband who is a drunk and verbally abuses me. But it's stil sad that I have to file for divorce. Time will heal and we will move on to new lives for ourselves and be all that we were created to be. Divorce is an ugly sad thing. That is just the bottom line. I'm sorry for you. But honey, We will get thru and one day, we'll find that ONE person that we were meant to be with and be totally happy. God bless you and hang in there,

Answer 9

Divorce is one of the most agonizing choices a couple makes. People understood the anger, panic, abandonment, and feelings of being trapped that lead many people to divorce. But they also experienced the "other side" of being single again, seen the lives of children changed forever and Years later, continue to live with the ongoing pain and complications of a destroyed marriage.

Divorce as a solution to marital woes, a viable answer to pain and frustration. Ultimately, however, it creates only different problems. "Does divorce make people happy?" Those who ended their troubled marriage in divorce weren't any happier than those who remained married. In fact, two-thirds of those who stayed married have been happy five years later.

Life will change more than you realize, although the everyday occurrences can create plenty of challenges after divorce, the special occasions are worse. Every birthday, holiday, wedding, or social gettogethers are a potential nightmare. Even if you remarry, the consequences of your divorce continue to impact your life, as good as a new marriage may be, divorec does make a dramatic change it made in life.

"Yes, you can love and trust again," "But the first marriage is God's best, his design. We weren't meant to give up on it, but to work through all the struggles to God's glory and our best. The tearing of the flesh may heal, but the scars are always there. Remarriage can be great in many ways if you marry for the right reasons, but it's still not the same."

Your life won't be more carefree - As a self-confident, independent woman with a fast-moving career and no children, you think you will be be able to do what u want and when u want. But after the divorce, it may be only your career and home that will hold u, u will be imprisoned by all the things u thought made u look good." Divorce never brings the carefree lifestyle expected.

There are those seemingly hidden emotional wounds that can pop open when we least expect or which we learn to expect on special anniversaries, there are times when it hits u that you're never free from the effects of that broken first marriage," one of which is the fear of trusting and loving again.

You trade one set of problems for another, even the most amiable break-ups bring deep wounds. There are always consequences to divorce. All of a sudden u became damaged goods.

There's a ripple effect. Your divorce doesn't just affect you and your spouse. It affects everyone around you. Friends often feel as if they must pick sides, so they keep their distance. Relationships with those who do remain loyal change abruptly, friends may stay away, feeling uncomfortable. And family members who've grown to love and care for the ex feel forced to "divorce" as well.

Feelings can be deceiving your feelings can have tragic consequences, remember that love is a choice and a commitment, not an emotion.

Like children, we sometimes allow our desire for momentary pleasure to pull us from God's best. Rather than doing the hard work it takes to invest daily in our marriage, we make seemingly innocent decisions thinking they'll do no harm.

Worked harder: Blaming each other for every problem that arose is not the way, what is needed is to do ur own soul searching."
Focus on ur spouse's positive attributes: "Both of should bring uplifting qualities to your marriage and stop focusing only, not his/her gifts."

Lastly - Becoming comfortable with the divorce process takes time. Learning to look forward and accept that your prior life is no longer available to you takes time. When life is good, time moves at lightning speed. When life is bad, time moves excrutiatingly slowly. Unfortunately, when you're going through divorce, you're not very likely to understand that "time heals" is more than just a phrase to make you feel good.

You make both like to think again ???? God Bless

Answer 10

A chapter of your life is closing. This man was a part of you and became a part of who you are. It is ok to be sad....who wouldn't be. It is a sad thing. At one point in your life you loved this man enough to marry him. However, you are right it isn't fair to him or you. You know in your heart that you are doing the right thing, just make sure you follow through. You spent 10 months making him wonder what would happen, hon, it is time to end the suffering for both of you. Goodluck and best wishes