Conflicted feelings about husband watching XXX movie?

Question

On the one hand, I don't care if my husband watches porn movies. He rarely does so and watching such a movie is the farthest my husband has (or ever will) "stray" (if you want to call it that). I know it has nothing to do with or against me on a personal level. Sometimes he's "in the mood" and I'm not. Men seem to need more visual stimuli than women, anyway.

On the other hand, though...sometimes I'm a little disappointed that he wanted or felt the need to watch such a movie. And that's stupid because I sincerely know and believe the stuff I've already said. Shoot, I'm the one that bought the one XXX DVD we have!

Am I nuts or normal? Does anyone else have conflicting feelings about this stuff regarding their mates/spouses?

Answer 1

I don't think you're nuts. I have the same sort of thoughts and feelings. I think it's better to rationalise though than to let your feelings about it take over. As long as porn isn't taking over your relationship and your husband is still very interested in sexual activity with you, you are right that it should be a non-issue. The truth is sometimes we all just want to masturbate, you know? Sometimes our lover isn't in the mood and sometimes it's just the mood you're in. Some men enjoy and prefer the visual stimulation. I know in my relationship it's not a threat though sometimes I feel differently. If you are feeling insecure about your husband watching porn, talk to him about your feelings but, don't forget your rational side.

Answer 2

Husband Watching Xxx

Answer 3

Try talking to him about it - a lot of ppl become addicted to porn. It might be a good idea to nip it in the bud right now. You don't want to be 6 months down the road having to deal with him watching it every night and still feeling uncomfortable about it. Do you have kids or want to have kids? Maybe you can use the excuse that you want the house to be "clean" and feel uncomfortable having something like that lying around or even in the house. It's one thing to watch one WITH your partner, but when they do it alone I think most ppl feel the same way you do. He needs to know how you feel about it, b/c he won't likely read your mind. And for God's sake, don't buy any more! LOL Maybe the one you have now could meet an unfortunate end? And if you're nervous that he might go out and cheat if you bug him about watching the movies then it's probably best to re-evaluate the relationship.

Answer 4

gawd i have these feelings over personally viewing porn. so what im a grown man, ill take my conscience bashing.
now think of this, the 1 thing the television,internet and radio have done for our society(without argument) is to creat a semi voyeuristic society where we find entertainment by being either a fly-on-the-wall, or "The Budinskies".
if men need visual stimuli, what do women use? imagination? soaps?racy dramas? get it? kinda funny.
i mean lets face it the guy/gal to bottle and sell new dust is going to get all the marbles in our world. until then, we do what we can to stay fresh or stray without straying etc. It sucks, but love kinda goes hand in hand with life, sometimes lively sometimes it needs a little jump, and btw if we men were not suppossed to look, knowing our mentallity, the creator would have given us buttons for eyes. sorry to joke. and hell watch with him or dont. but good luck. if you find the new dust, give me a heads up.

Answer 5

Yes I feel the same way. I want to be the cool wife that doesnt care. I have even watched it with my husband and liked it.

But when he watches it alone or maybe looks at a magazine, I don't like it. I am uncomfortable with the fact that he is fantasizing over other women. He is only suppose to be excited for me. We are married. I know I sound like such a prude!!

Don't worry your normal, I'm the nutty prude....(Laugh)

Answer 6

You are completely normal.
My problem has come about because I have gained a lot of weight in the last 4 years, so I do not want him closing his eyes and fantasizing about the model in the movie while he is with me. Yet, I can't say as I blame him. If he is not turned on by me, at least he is trying to be turned for me.
He just knows completely how I feel, even if he doesn't understand, and so we do not have sex when he has looked at porn. We wait until the next day.

Answer 7

You are right in that most men need a visual stimulis. But I think you need to ask yourself the question as to why you bought the movie to begin with? Was it curiosity? boredoom? or did you buy it for him? Anytime a man does not give his partner the attemtion they want something is wrong. Try and be a participant as he watches the movie. Maybe go out shoping togeher and get some more movies.

Don't bend to your insecurities, talk to your husband....he is not a mind reader.

Answer 8

well as long as you aren't being left out of his intimate life and knowing that you bought a xxx movie, let him play by himself... he's obviously done it all his life, so don't worry its natural for him to do it... alot of people are confused because you grow up hearing that things like that are bad but if you take a look in some of those peoples closets or underwear drawers, you'll see different...so in other words just let it go, its normal and as long as he doesn't neglect you be glad he's faithful and leave it at that...he'll get tired of his hand after a while and maybe even the porn too,lol : )

Answer 9

Yeah i thnk its pretty normal wat ure feeling..ure stuck btwn guilt to let ur hubby enjoy the movie when ure not in the mood yet jealous coz he's looking at other women n getting turned on.

I thnk tht if both of u are open enuf to let him watch it in the first place..u shuld be open to tell him how u feel about it. such as him watching it when ure not round (u in the kitchen..him in bedroom) or smthng like tht. As long as it doesn't bother u seeing him watching, it doesn't feel too bad i suppose

But seriusly i dont thnk u can ever be happy seeing him enjoy it as long as its not you in that scene, so best to either let him watch it privately where u cant see (or hear?) him or you jump into bed whenever he feels like a go...hehe

Good luck!
Im trying to thnk logically here so hopefuly i helped in any way...im recently married so it'l be interesting to see my own reaction if it ever happens to me :)

Answer 10

Well, as a guy I empathize with your husband. Chances are he doesn't mean to harm your feelings or degrade you in anyway. In fact, your purchasing the DVD might have encouraged him to use it. Men are (generalizing here) quite a bit more visual and just sexual overall and often we need sexual encounters more often than females do (again, generalizing here). Remember, y'all only put out one egg per menstrual cycle; we produce millions of sperm per day.

However, I understand how your husband's activities might worry you. If it really is an issue, maybe you should discuss it with him.