Husband is not interested in sex?

Question

We are in our 30s with 2 children.
After our 2nd daughter was born 3 years ago - sex became less and less frequent between us.
We are down to about 4 or 5 times a year. The last time was the "scheduled" sex on our anniversary in July.
I need more!
I've tried talking to him - asked if he was seeing someone else, asked if he wanted to see a doctor, go to counseling, even Viagra!
He is not interested in doing anything.
He says he loves me - and i know he does...he just has zero sex drive.
I have been working out the past 2 years, and weigh less now than I did when we were married. (size 8 now)...
If he is not willing to change or seek help - What can i do?
There is a neighbor of ours who is black - he has shown interest in me. I'll admit that is a major fantasy of mine - but at this point, I dont care WHAT color the man is! I want SEX!!
If i have been this patient for my husband to come around - when is it finally ok to get the "attention" elsewhere?

Answer 1

He might be overworked or stressed. Why don't you go on a cruise or a resort with structured activities for your children so you can have a good time? Leave the kids somewhere like their grandparents for a weekend.

Personally I would tell him about the black man...that should get him going...Nothing like a little jealousy. It isn't too hard to get sex if you're a woman...try dressing sexier when you go out and maybe he'll notice the stares and realize what he's got.

Answer 2

Wow... was that one question? okay, first... it is never time to get the attention elsewhere, because you wont get what you are looking for. The release that you refer to is fleating. And then it will return. Once you start down the road of "outside" attention... Your marriage is over. Seeing what you have written and reading between the lines... it sounds to me that you are indeed in love with this man. So, do yourself the favor and don't seel yourself out for what will amount to little more than a bandaid on a broken marriage. Hear (and no that isn't a typo)-- Hear are some ideas. Does your husband HEAR you when you talk about this problem with him? And do you HEAR the answer you are given? Often, we listen to, but seldom do we hear the words.
Please do not do what you are thinking... lets just assume that the problem does lie with your husband. Do you really think that sleeping with his neighbor will help HIM? And then to go outside your race - if that is an issue for him - do you think that will help him? These two things alone are enough to amount to a divorce if you are lucky. And besides, if he is the problem...and he finds out about your "fun"... have you helped or hurt the man you love?
Secondly, lets assume you are at fault somehow in your lack of "fun"... same neighbor, same getting caught, same pain to husband, same outcome for you.
Now the last one, lets assume neither or both of you are to blame.. same outcome there too.
So, you see it doesn't matter your role in this or lack there of... once you cross that neighbor (or any other house) boundry... your marrige is doomed.
Now, i heard alot about what you did and suggested to your husband as a fix for your problem...but i didn't HEAR from you that your husband knew of your "sexual fantacies about your neighbor". Does he know your desires concerning those of another race?? And if not, why don't you let him know. Maybe it's just the fire he needs to climb from the slums he's in, maybe he likes it too... But worst case, he doesn't and leaves you. But then heck, you do what your planning and thats gonna happen anyhow. Why not take a chance and fulfill your wildest fantacies--with the wildest love of your life. YOUR HUSBAND !!
Good luck to you and hope that this has helped.

Answer 3

I'm actually conflicted on how to advise you. On the one hand, if you've tried everything else, I usually suggest moving on. But you have a family and it sounds like the two of you are devoted to each other. It's tough to walk away from something like that. If he is really checked out on the sex dept, suggest that you be allowed to play, but your heart is still with him and the kids. That means having an affair which usually destroys most marriages. Since you look better now than when you married, you might be intimidating him. I wonder if he'd be more responsive if you put the weight back on. I'm not suggesting that, but it's an interesting thought. Good luck.

Answer 4

Any one's approval will give mental satisfaction to you that you are right in doing so .... will not solve your problem....... There has to be some reason to put him off of sex ... real solution is to find that and do something about it ........ As a man I think may be it is one of following reasons . Try to find out .... Good Luck. 1. You may be asking for it at wrong time
2. May be he is going through some financial crises and can not tell you .
3. May be there are some job tension which you may not be taking enough interest to discuss and take it out off him.
4. May be he already thinks that you are seeing some one in his absence.
5. May be he is depress due to some of his family problems.
6. Think about all the reasons which makes him unhappy and angry.

Normally there are problems in life which needs to be shared and he is not able to do that due to complex .Sex is something that you enjoy when you are rel ex and free mentally. Un less he is free mentally his physical urge to have sex will not be active ted . So telling him that you are not giving enough or you want it more will not solve the problem. but sharing his problem and emotional solution will make him free from worry and that freedom will bring colors in your sex life.......... Good Luck

Answer 5

It's never ok to get the SEX elsewhere!!! Let your husband know that you want it and how bad you want it and that if he cant share that with you, then you'll have to divorce him.... But don't cheat!! If he's been a great husband to you and a great father to your children... then don't you think he deserves better than that?!?

Flirt with him a lil... wear sexy lingerie and talk dirty to him.... Do things that might turn him on.... Get naked and lay in your bed and call him over... or when you guys are sitting together maybe watching a movie at home... rub your body up against his and start sliding your hand down towards his pe*is!!! something has to turn him on!!! I hope I wasn't getting to personal on you..... Just trying to help!!! GOOD LUCK and once again DON'T CHEAT!!!

Answer 6

First congrats on the weight loss
Second, no its not ok to look elsewhere. He is your husband, and trusts you. Show him some respect, in that aspect.
Third. Tell him that the situation is serious. Tell him that he needs to understand your needs as a woman, and if cannot deliver sex or try to seek help, that you may have to look toward divorce.
Dont say divorce is too harsh, you where just talking about cheating, which will lead to divorce.
Good luck!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Well, I guess it's never okay until you are divorced. Tell your husband that he may not want sex but you have your needs. Sex is a natural appetite as much as needing to eat food is. Ask him if he would withhold food and starve you. Well, he is starving you now. It's not right and you should tell him so. It's also against the laws of marriage. You could divorce him for this. It's cruel. Don't go with the neighbor guy. You will regret it. If your husband doesn't come around soon then I would separate from him.

Answer 8

that is truly disturbing but damn i will give it a shot... first of all i would recomend packing his diet full of foods that are high in zinc... such as oysters or other delicious shellfish, this will help make him want to bone... meanwhile you should defineatly put on something sexy and adventerous, not langerie, more like a hard hat and tool belt... or something else... also try rubbing ***** cream all over his weener while he is sleeping... then he will wake up in the middle of the night and HALF TO BONE.... halfway through the boning he will realize that he really does like to bone... listen though stay away from hamsters they are bad news, plus once you have been reamed out by all the village coons how the hell would your man want to bone then? listen women reach their peak sexual desire in their thirties while men start to loze their drive... this is natures way of making you the aggresor... common honey take control of the situation for once and drive him wild you made him beg for sex for the first ten or so years now it is your turn... bark like a dog if you have to but don't be pathetic... common sister shake that money maker once in a while if he doesn't notice make sure he notices the hamster noticing jealousy always makes the stallion go nuts

Answer 9

It IS NOT, so long as you re married. You took vows, and it is best that you stick to them.
But. . . I hear your pain, and can IDENTIFY with it, big time! In my case it is neurological, so no counseling, Viagra, etc is going to work.

But it's not going to HURT YOUR situation, either!

Make an appointment, and get him to a doctor. This is NOT normal ( unless you've grown deplorably ugly over the past several years) ( which I seriously doubt). But now your husband sees you as a MOTHER, and may feel incestuous, when making love to you!
it happens!

Answer 10

What size were you before? Sometimes partners fell threatened when the other person undergoes a tremendous physical change. It could be a strange as it sounds that He liked you better before you started working out. You guys need to get to a counselor and/or a doctor to see what really is wrong.