I've been dating this guy, Gregory, for over 2 years. We've been very happy together and my family loves him. He's a very nice guy and I know he'd make an excellent husband and father but I KNOW he's not my true love...I love him I do but I love all my friends too...He proposed to me and I don't know what to do. Should I marry him? It would probably work. We've been happy for 2 years, why couldn't we make marriage work? Do you guys think people can learn to love each other? That's what everyone's telling me will happen! I love him but won't I always wonder "what if?"
2006-09-18 16:49:33 · 32 answers · asked by Jennyfer A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You shouldn't marry him. While I don't really believe in "soul mates", it doesn't sound like you're too confident in your feelings for him. Marriage is a serious commitment, not something that should be taken lightly. You should only marry someone if you truly feel that this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. People can learn to love each other, but it sounds like you're pretty sure there's someone out there better suited for you and I think that if you truly feel this way about him, there probably is. Plus, if you marry him, you're not really being fair to him, right? And it seems like you really do care about this guy, even if it's just as friends. Good luck!
2006-09-18 16:51:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know I'm into all the New Age stuff but I still don't know what a soul mate is. Does that mean the one and only person that's really for you? What do you think the chances are of meeting the RIGHT person, out of all the people in the world, not even just the area you live ,but the WORLD.
I'm confused, in the first line you say you love him and then you say can people learn to love each other. Which is it?
It seems that often that little word "IF" tugs at the back of our minds. What if I would have taken this job, what if I would have bought this car, what if my parents didn't divorce (example only). and the list goes on and on.
You know possibly some couples counseling would help. You know if you've been together 2 years and if you've been intimate, you maybe past the firework stage and think something is missing.
Bottom line-with as many doubts as you have maybe cut your losses and get on with a new relationship. He's not marrying your parents, or your friends. Does he realize you're having these feelings? Maybe he is too. Good Luck
2006-09-18 17:01:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are beautiful and already have your heart answer.
a) You are dating not living together so your thinking is not compromised by how to move out. Good.
b) You have a big but. But, not Butt. But's don't exist in healthy engagements.
c) So your family likes him? They probably like the milkman, your pastor, and the hairdresser. Are they going to have his children and put up with his bad breath at 7:00 a.m.?
d) Make it work? Every marriage takes work.
e) Fiddler on the Roof is a good movie for falling in love through the years of marriage.
f) What if is what if. What if your first kiss had been some other guy? Do you ever think of him?
2006-09-18 17:05:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him then you should know the answer to your question. How would you feel if you were in his shoes? Think about it. If you found out 5 years from now that Gregory married you because he loved you but wasn't IN LOVE with you and as a result has been wondering "what if i had..." the whole time you two were married, you'd be devastated. Let him go. If he's not your soulmate then your not his, tell him this so you can both find your true loves.
2006-09-18 16:55:40 · answer #4 · answered by NahX 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you do love him, but your not "IN" love with him. WOW..big big difference. You are obviously not sure.. otherwise you wouldnt be seeking the advice of the lovely and talented people of yahoo answers. ...right...?? righhhhhhhhht!! You must consider that it isnt really that easy to meet people anymore and if you give this guy up then whos to say that you wont realize later that you had the one in front of you but let him go...I say take some time apart and get the feeling of life without him before you make the decision to ditch him and lose him to another. But at the same time, you will always always picture yourself with the guy ahead of you in line at the local dept store or the guy jogging through the neighborhood if you just ignore your feelings of confusion and then you may end up being not happy at all...If he is really good to you...and you and him make love to each other then you may want to gage your feelings on how you feel when your in the act of love making...does he turn you on? does he make you feel shy sometimes and kinda like your a 16 y.o again?..good luck to you......
2006-09-18 17:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by princess 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you need him? When you know you want him and only him and you can't see yourself without him then.. He's your for the lifetime while your here.
You can't marry a person because everybody else love him as a person. When you take that vow under gods law then you should know he is everything you want and need. Please don't live a lie or unfilled pain because you knew from the start.
I'm asking you to pray and ask god for guidance, that price is not worth waking up next to a person you can never give your heart to. Living a lie how would that feel who are you making happy, him? family? friends? and who's heart matters the most. I believe you have your answer deep down take the steps and allow your heart to smile.. *inner peace*..
2006-09-18 17:03:31 · answer #6 · answered by M M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you only love him as a "friend, then NO, you can NOT "learn to be IN love with someone. And WHY would you waste TWO years of your LIFE...dating someone that you KNEW was not the one for you ??? You led him on by doing this! You made him propose, for the love of GOD. Ok, got that off my chest, now tell him the truth, let his suffering begin so that someday he can get over it and find real love. And youuuuuuuuuu, you need to fin ur real love, but PLZ do NOT lead someone on for 2 years. If you don't feel he's your soulmate within a few months.........end it.
2006-09-18 16:53:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh believe me when i say that life is way too short to ponder. Can u stand the thought of never kissing him again? Would you care if he never held you close again? do you love him so much your heart skips a beat when are apart and you think of him? Would it kill you inside to see him hold another?
If you can't answer these positivly then don't waste ur life away. You only get what you settle for so don't settle for second best.
I believe that you can learn to love each other but why wait for that? What if that dosn't come for another 40 years, life is way too short, follow your heart.
2006-09-18 17:07:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, but are not ready to marry because you think you are missing out on something, then maybe you should just tell him that you are not ready get to get married. You don't want to throw away the relationship, but you don't want to rush into marriage if you are not really sure. You could accept the engagement, but tell him you want a long engagement because you just aren't ready to walk down the aisle yet. It is better to break off an engagement than to have to end a marriage later.
2006-09-18 16:55:30 · answer #9 · answered by cowgirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is a big difference in loving some one and Being in love. If you are not in love with him. I would probably wait. Because the chances of it working are not that good. You will always wonder what could have been.
2006-09-18 16:53:35 · answer #10 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋