is it possibble to not hold grudges ?

Question

i am so bad for this...and i realize it is a problem for example when me and my hubby first started dating he told me i was bad with money due to the fact before we were together i borrowed money from him which he offered to pay for a past due power bill, now i feel so guilty everytime i need anything from him even the basic nessacities because i don't have a job and he is always asking before i buy how much money do we have in the bank and stresses about money we need it makes me feel horrible, he says he means nothing by it and i am being to sensitive, and also i have never been late on any bills and i am the one who manages the money

we are not in any sort of debt trouble either,also this is the first time i haven't had a job due to him not wanting me to work and we have no children ,not sure if this info makes a difference or not

Answer 1

Realize that he is doing this because there is only one income and he's only keeping an eye on the spending, especially unnecessary ones. Once u get your own job, he should let up.

Answer 2

Are you mad at yourself for being a poor money manager?
It doesn't sound like you two really talk about the problem but instead talk around it.
Is there a GOOD reason you don't work outside the home, even part time. Maybe that would help you feel like you're contributing and not just spending.
All healthy couples talk about what money is being spent on and what their budget is?
It sounds like you're a young couple and ALL young couples stress about money. It's difficult going from each being responsible for your own money to "pooling" the money.
If your husband really feels you're still bad with money, why do you manage the money??? Maybe he needs to help with the bills so he has a better idea of what you have to stress over. Good Luck and remember life and love isn't all about the money.
Also maybe you should work on not being so-o-o-o hard on yourself because you borrowed money once. Move past it.

Answer 3

If you love someone unconditionally, then it should impossible to hold a grudge. You forgive and move on, never bringing it back up again. Anything else would be considered conditional behavior.

I see you have the same issue every married just about has-financial problems. I have them, too. My suggestion, put yourselves on a budget and do not deviate. Save a little from each paycheck for "whatever" money, and that way you are not dipping into bill money to have fun or get something unexpected.

Yall will be okay...just practice unconditional love. Let go of the grudge and Let God heal your relationship on all levels.

Answer 4

I think it's possible to not hold a grudge, but it takes a lot of training and if you keep these feelings inside too long then the grudge just turns into something which can wreck a good relationship. You should probably talk to your husband about how you're feeling, but it is natural to hold grudges. When me and my girlfriend have a problem, of course we may develop grudges against each other, but if we talk through it then it gets resolved (most of the time), and the grudge becomes obsolete. If you build a strong communal relationship with your husband, then any grudge that could form is usually snuffed out before it can fully form.

Answer 5

2 ways to cure this..
set up a budget and stick to it ( and chances are he not the budget type and has been low in money in parts of his life.. hence the tension over money.. not a good sign.. he simply does not know where he stands... a sing of the paycheck to paycheck mentality.. )

or get a simple job.. ANY job.. where you set up your own account
and you own money and NEVER borrow a penny
he'll do 1 of 2 things..
he'll be paranoid you gonna leave him ( an if he keeps up the implied meaning that your a financial wreck.. then do JUST THAT )..
or he offer up money free and no string attache.. DON'T TAKE IT
as until he learn to know where he stands on a any given day financially and can give you money with little worry, he'll always be that way.

Most divorces are over money.. not cheating ..
it's usually one side who has a the handle on money and what it takes to manage it.. and one side that does not that creates the conflicts..
but of course when you are dating none of it shows much less it talked about....
it's only after marriage then the subject comes up and that's when the conflict begin since so much is implied and very little confirmed of where the line should be drawn

Answer 6

Of course it possible and sweetie you are being too hard on yourself. Talk to your husband on one of the goods days you are sharing so he will be more open and receptive to listening. People make mistakes and learn from them and mature and looks like you have from what from you have written.
Take note :
A) you are now managing the money.
B) you have learnt never to be late.
Be kind to yourself.

Answer 7

There's a simple answer to this. Tell him that if he is so concerned about the money, he should manage it. Say, "If I am going to manage the money, then you must let me manage it, without nagging me or constantly asking me questions. If you can't stick to that bargain, then you have to take it over."

Answer 8

Unfortunely, I cannot hold grudges against anyone, and I hate myself for it

Answer 9

i went thru major debt issues.....i think that debt counseling may be best.....im o.c........i dont want to stop anything. i couldnt manage money.....and grudges and blame are very easy and likely when these troubles occur.

Answer 10

I DONT THINK THAT HE IS HOLDING A GRUDGE AGAINST YOU BUT JUST BEING CAREFUL SO THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO WORK HE IS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR BEST INTREST AS WELL AS HIS