I don't know what else to do for my marrige, what else is there?

Question

I've been married going on 7 years. And all my husband does is think about himself. He spends his paycheck the same day he gets it. He has the right to do anything he wants even if he doesn't have the money. He refuses to help me out with the house work, or taking care of the kids. I went back to work part time so I could give him some money becuase he wants me to help him out. But he excepts me to give him my whole pay check. He mad because I was approved for a credit card, and planning on starting my own checking account. I refuse to be put on his checking account because last time he spent all his check and mine in a matter of 2 days. And then when I went to go get stuff the check wouldn't go through and then excepted me to give him the money to cover the bad checks he wrote. I've tried talking to him, yelling at him and treating him the way he treats me. He refuses to talk to me because that is not as important as what he wants . He excepts our problems to just go away.

He will call me names, and at times hit me. I think he's acting more like a prick the more I started stepping up and taking control of myself and my family. He blames me for stuff he does. When he asks me whats wrong I tell him and he turns back on me how I started it. I don't have the right to leave the house unless it's errands or to work to make money for him. But yet I get blamed for taking all his money. He comes first even before his children. If I don't help him then my girls or I won't get what we need. I love him, but don't know how much more I can take. I do want to try and work it out. but don't know what else is left to do.

Answer 1

Hes too controlling either you should go to couples counseling or just reconsider how much you love him and WANT to be with him FOREVER. Because people do fall out of love.

Answer 2

He is a very selfish man. The day he hit you it was time to get out. If you can hold some money aside, no you must put at least $50 dollars away each paycheck. and once you have enough money for a ticket go. Go any where you would like to start over. V.A. beach shelter system is great. They will help you get a good job, school if you like, and put you in a town house until they find a subsidized house for you and your children. The rent will be 30% of your income. There are wonderful schools and daycare if you need it and they pay for everything. There is also a program called the view program. The view program allows you to get welfare and keep your paycheck for two years. This will allow you to save money to get everything you want and desire.there is another program, after working for a couple of months they will help you get a car.

My point is you don't have to be unhappy and mistreated to stay in a marriage you are worth your weight in diamonds. And once you realize that will have the courage to stand on your own with your wonderful kids.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide, but please stay safe. Without you, your kids will be hurt. Remember a marriage is not worth your life.
P.S. if you go to a shelter tell them you are being abused by your husband you don't have to lock him up to get help and a way out. That is in V.A, and other places you may have to have a report or pictures of bruises

Answer 3

I know exactly what you are going through. And like you I'm not ready to throw away my whole marriage for our money problems. I hate when people say that is the first thing to do!!
My husband has a serious spending problem. We have been dealing with it for years now (we've been married 10 years). We are now in the process of losing our house because of his spending. I told him this is it. Either something is going to change, or we will be divorced. I have my own checking account. My name is on his account. His paycheck is direct deposited into the joint account and I go in that morning and transfer it into my sole account. He has to ask me for money to buy things, even gas for his car. It does get a little nasty once in a while, but I have to stay strong for us to have a future. Luckily my husband KNOWS he has a problem and we are trying to get lots of help. He has a lot of disabilities also, so that doesn't help our situation. Be honest with him. Tell him you guys need to go to some kind of counseling to work out the differences. If he is totally unwilling, then you may need to step back and examine the situation more. Maybe a short separation would have to be the starting point then.
I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I would just tell him how you feel. Tell him that you aren't going to be in this marriage anymore(as hard as that may be) and that you can't keep going on living your life like this. Tell him your getting your own checking account, and thats it. You are a mature adult and can do what you want. You do not need him to be like a father figure to you. (bossing you around all the time) Your on your own now. As for spending the money. I can understand if he doesn't make a lot of money and you work to help around the house and to get what you want, but to give him all of your money is just crazy. I would tell him, that he can spend his money on what he wants and needs, and you spend your money likewise. There shouldn't be anything to argue about. If the bills are getting paid, and the kids are getting fed, thats all that should matter to you guys. Dont let him rule you, stand up to him. If he LOVES you, and wants to still be married to you then he will understand your point of view and sacrafice a couple hundred dollars to stay that way.
I hope this helps you and good luck.
P.S. Show him some of the peoples' answers, maybe then he will understand what he's doing!

Answer 5

Your husband has NO RIGHT whatsoever to hit you!!!! NO RIGHT at all!!! There is nothing left in this marriage after physical and verbal abuse. I don't care if he hit you once or twice. It's ONE too many. Why would you want your girls to live with a man who treats you this way?? Don't you think they see and hear all?? They are children, they are smart, they see and hear all. Your husband is very irresponsible. He is taking away from you and your kids because he is selfish. You really do need to think about leaving this guy. Make a plan and get away from him. You and your children deserve SO much better than this kind of life. Don't, whatever you do, don't let him use your credit card or have any control over your checking account. It will destroy any future you have for a good credit record. If he doesn't like it, too bad. He has ruined his own, don't let him ruin yours. You will need a good credit standing when and if you decide to get the hell out of there. Please think about it. You really deserve better.

Answer 6

Be honest w/urself - DO YOU LOVE HIM OR FEEL OBLIGATED TO LOVE HIM!!! HE is obviously not the man u married!! Quite obviously the vows he said to u on ur wedding day r no longer valid to him. he obviously does not respect ur individuality or personality. He doesn't respect you...that's enough for anyone to say goodbye! GET OUT of this...walk out...maybe it will open the door for you to stand up for urself. If he's as much as an *** as u describe, it would be better for ur children to not have him around on a daily basis. One - he's treating u like garbage; two - ur children will learn this behaviour and repeat it in their relationships w/u and others. So set a positive example for ur children - by being strong and moving on from a difficult situation. There is a reason the divorce rates r so high these days - u don't have to stay with the men who feel that ruling/controlling women is ok! he's sick and needs help...u need to get out. Seek support from family, i'm sure they have already recognized this problem and would be willing to help out. Don't waste another year or 7 for that matter being treated like a door matt! Best of luck!! U need to take matters into ur own hands....u started by making ur own checking account; now find a new place to live! Tell him the problem will go away the minute he walks out the door!

Answer 7

It sounds like your husband has major control issues. If he hasn't already started to abuse you or the kids, then I'm sure that may not be too far away from happening. If you can, start cashing your paycheck, give him a little if you have to in order to keep peace, and hide some away for yourself. Start looking for a place you and your kids can go if things get violent. If he hits you ro the kids, get out immediately and file charges against him. This man is not going to change his ways without quite a bit of counseling; and it doesn't sound like he is going to do that if he can't even sit and listen to you for a minute. You and your kids deserve better; do not stay with him just for the kids...they don't need a father that is teaching them that women should be submissive to their man.

Answer 8

Oh ya, hes a control freak and he probably thinks hes doing you a favor by just letting you be around him. You can't reason with men like that. They only want to keep you under there heel. He's treating you like a dog and my guess is the hitting will get worse. look what he's showing your daughters, that its ok to hit there mom. They could grow up and think this is the way its suppose to be. Would you want them to end up in the same kinda marriage?Get out while you can don't discuss it any more just go. It sounds like you need a knew life and a Chance at being happy without the loser.

Answer 9

GET OUT!!! No man (or woman) has the right to hit their spouse. He should never lay an abusive hand on you ever!!!!! Marriage is aobut two becoming one in everything including money. He needs to step up and be the man of the house. He needs to take on his duties and resposibilities as a husband and father of the family and make sure you are taken care of.

With all do respect, you need to stand up for yourself and let him know that what he's doing is wrong. If he can't love and respect the woman he married he doesn't deserve to have you or your kids!!!!

I say get out now, and get on with your life. Make a good life for your kids. You deserve better!!!

Answer 10

I am sorry to say this but this is a problem you can not fix with out help..... it may be time for YOU take charge of YOUR life and those of your kids..... he is an adult and should be held accountable for his actions..... the bottom line is this, you and the kids are paying a high price for HIS actions..... it is put it on the line time it sounds like..... you need to talk to him about this and lay it all out...... put your cards on the table..... he either helps you make it thru life, gets help, turns the financis over to you or YOU get on with your life with out him..... get a checking account at another bank with your name only.... a credit card is NOT a good idea at this time.... start seperating your lives if you have to... refuse to be an enabler to him..... do NOT give him any money...... pay the bills and get the food and put the rest in the bank........ start to stop giving him the ability to walk on you and the kids and to NOT provide for his family....... hold him accountable for his actions!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless

Answer 11

ppppfffffttttt on him..He is a no good sorry butt excuse for a man. He is a spineless twit. Do as you wish and make a life for yourself and your kids. Let Dr. Phil have a piece of him. Sqoosh like a spoiled grape. All you are to him is a maid w/no benefits. Make him pay for those kids by divorcing him and collecting child support and if he blows his checks and doesnt pay you then hes in big trouble now a days and wont have the luxuries to blow those checks. Get yourself an attorney and get some legal advice and start preparing.