Ladies, do you purposefully stress-test your men, and why?

Question

My last girlfriend told everyone that I was "the one," then she backed out on our engagement after some bizarre series of tests. She acted crazy at times, evidently trying to make me show anger toward her. But my philosophy is to be internally strong, and unswayed by the drama of others, so I failed the test. Apparently, she thought losing one's cool equals strength, which I view as weakness. Have you done this? What is the thought process behind it?

To answer Cheshire's question, one example is: she would take something I said completely out of context, spin it in the worst possible way, then scream at me and cry on the bed. She would not tell me what I had done, and she told me that if I didn't figure it out and solve it by bedtime, we were through.

My perspective is that she was a little (lot) overboard, but I wanted a woman's perspective.

I agree with the "immature" observation. The time she screamed at me on the bed, I thought to myself, "I'm talking to a 5 year-old!"

Answer 1

Ok, your ex sounds a bit wacko. I'm gonna use my collge degree here and analyze, it sounds like she wasn't ready to get married and so had to try to get out of it somehow. You were never going to pass her "test". If you had gotten angry she would have said "Oh I can't marry you because you have rage and anger problems."

You are right about being able to control your anger equating strength, as long as you let it out in a controllable way sometimes. We all have to vent.

You are better off without her, find a sane woman who will love you without tests.

Answer 2

Nope, I've never done this to anyone I've ever been with. I personally feel that when one does this, it shows a lack of maturity and trust in the person they're with so they have to constantly "test" them to see how far they can get with them. I would even go so far as to say it is a form of manipulation to find out the other person's weak points.

I think your philosophy is a good one. There is a BIG difference between someone who is capable of showing their vulnerabilities when it's warranted and one who simply has no control over their emotions and I would rather prefer the former than the latter.

Answer 3

You do not have to "loose one's cool" to be able to open up to another person...but I don't think this is what happened here... either she was raised up this way where people meant things differently or she had one or more ex boyfriends that treated her the way she was accusing you of...Nothing is wrong with being strong.. but nothing is more of a turn on than to know that this strong man is willing to open up to you, and only you...but not in this way that you just dealt with....being emotionally close takes so much more strength than being unswayed because you are really bearing your soul...leaving yourself wide open and trusting that person. Hope I helped!

Answer 4

I'm a woman and I really don't like other women because of things like that. No doubt when she got with her friends, you were discussed at length and you were probably made out to be the bad guy. Not that men are perfect! Many men do their own version of "testing".
I got so tired of hanging out with women who would complain about things their man did/did not do, when the woman would not ASK for what they wanted! I can't read minds, don't expect my bf to be able to read mine. I never understood why women feel the need to voice every little detail about their relationship to each other. Women don't really like me either, I tell them to talk to their bf or spouse, not to me.
You are much better off without her, the games probably would have continued into the marriage.

Answer 5

I'm not a woman but I feel compelled. Every woman I've spent any significant time with(2 or more years) Has tested button pushed and rated responses. It is the nature of the beast.

Answer 6

She sounds very immature. It looks like she may have been looking for excuses to get out of the relationship, and nothing you could have done would have passed one of her little "tests". And to answer the question, not all ladies do that.

Answer 7

Oh, dear God no! That is unbelievably childish!

I have had the opportunity to observe my husband in a number of stressful situations and his calm, cool handling of the situation cemented my decision to marry him. I have NEVER intentionally started a fight with him or played head games - who has the time?

Answer 8

What exactly did she do? I used to ask my ex direct questions that he answered with a question, like, why do you want to know? its none of your business. Is that the same? Is that a stress test? Cuz he sure seemed stressed. I dont know of such tests nor do I know of any girl who's ever done that.

Answer 9

Sure ive tested men.. not like ur gf's test.. but ive tested them , we do this to make sure that they are "forever" material..we do it to see what they'd do, or say, and if they do or say what we need them to do.. but ive never dumped someone because they didnt lose their cool.. hell i usually dumped them because they did lose their cool, i think ur gf was looking for an excuse to leave sorry but i think she was, seems really immature to leave for u actting like a grown up lol..

Answer 10

She was insecure...at least it sounds like that to me. If your attentive to her and don't act like an ape there's no reason for her to act like that...maybe she just wasn't ready and did that to sabatoge the relationship on purpose...still, very immature.